Where the Heart Is
by caspianandsusan4ever
Summary: They weren't supposed to fall in love.She wasn't supposed to come back.What if they really were meant to be together and got a chance? Whatif someone they weren't expecting will do anything to standbetweeen them?lots of suspian&sibling fluff Ed/Su Post VD
1. Heartache

Susan's POV

Love. Such a small word. Such a strong, powerful word. It's funny isn't it? Love? It's funny isn't it; how you can spend every night praying and hoping with every fiber of your being that someday, someway, you'll finally find that one special person who gives you a reason to smile, laugh and live like you'll never die. Funny, how you can be surrounded by massive throngs of men throwing themselves at your feet and confessing their irrevocable love for you and no matter how handsome, polite or smart they are, you feel absolutely nothing? For any of them?

Funny isn't it, how you can just glimpse that person once out of the corner of your eye, not even look into their eyes, see their face or hear their voice and already you can't even begin to imagine your life without them in it? Funny isn't it, how you can love someone so passionately that your skin tingles and your heart aches every time you see them after only one month together? Funny, how you can spend your entire life looking at every man with a desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, they are the one and yet he can be right in front of you and you don't realize it until it's too late? Funny, how you wait for it your whole life and yet love still comes when you least expect it?

Funny, how the moment you finally open your heart and let yourself fall in love and actually let those carefully constructed walls down, you're torn away from them in the cruelest way? And it hurts so bad you can't even cry and feel like someone has punched a gaping hole through your chest and if you don't hold onto something you'll fall apart right then and there? And like you'll never be able to look at another man again?

Well, after hundreds of men, thousands of nights of desperate praying and hoping and pleading, I finally found that one special person who gave me reason to smile. I finally found that person who made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. I finally found that one person who I knew was meant to fill the space between my fingers. I finally found my other half. His name was Caspian X.

The first time I laid eyes on Caspian he was trying to kill my brother. Edmund and I got their just in time to see Peter prepare to slam a rock into his face. I was confused and scared and angry and truthfully, I was about to rip anyone who irritated me in the least to shreds but I stopped short. I had never, ever, _ever _seen any man so utterly… beautiful. He was the stereotype tall dark and handsome eighteen year old boy with long wavy dark hair and a crooked smile. But he was different. He had this air to him. Humble yet proud, kind but firm, stubborn yet patient, uncertain yet confident. (He was an oxymoron with legs!) He was so different than any man I had ever known. He was sweet, chivalrous, stubborn, brave, headstrong, polite and humble. He was everything I had ever imagined that one special person would be. He was good to everyone he met and genuinely cared for Narnia and its people. He was perfect.

And I tried so hard. I tried so hard not to fall for him. I tried so hard not to love him and not to think about him but I was scared, I was so scared. I was so scared that the second I accepted being home I would have to leave and go back to that awful hell hole. I wanted so badly to let Narnia back in to my heart but leaving hurt so bad the first time and I knew I couldn't stand going through that again. I just couldn't do it. But there was no way to avoid it. When you are so hungry and starved for love and someone like Caspian is thrown into your life, love is inevitable. And I certainly loved him. So, so much.

So I took a chance. I went out on a limb and did something wild and crazy. I started talking to him. I started taking every opportunity and every possible chance to see him, talk to him, help him shoot a long bow, anything. I had to be near him. I had waited my whole life for an amazing guy like Caspian and I was not going to let him slip through my fingers. I was putting all my eggs in one basket and putting my complete and utter faith and trust in Aslan. He had to let us be together. Aslan knows how much I have prayed and craved someone as sweet and wonderful as Caspian. He had to let us be together. He had to give us a chance.

And for a while, I thought he was. Until the battle. The second Miraz lay dead on the battle field and all of Narnia was bowing down to King Caspian X, I could feel in my bones this horrible sense of impending doom. I tried to tell myself I was just imagining it and everything would be ok._ Aslan would not be so cruel.__ I repeated over and over to myself._

But then the worst day of my life came and went. The battle was won, Miraz was dead, the Narnians were free and we were no longer needed. The second Aslan looked at me with those sad eyes my whole body started trembling. I looked over at Caspian, the love of my life, s and my heart caved in on itself. Desperate, terrified, heartbroken tears and sobs clogged my throat. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. _No, Aslan would not be so cruel. Aslan would not be so cruel_. I repeated uselessly in my head over and over again, desperately trying to calm down. But I was wrong. This was really happening. I had found my other half, someone who gave me a reason to live, someone I loved with everything I had. And I was losing him. I was never going to see him again. I would go through that portal and Caspian would forget all about me, get married to some other lucky woman, have children and spend the rest of his life happy with someone else. But sometimes if you really love someone, all you want is for them to be happy, even if it's not with you.

There are absolutely no words to describe the intense, paralyzing pain and utter despair that tore through my heart as I stepped through that portal. I wanted to scream and wail and cry but I just stood there next to Peter like a cold hard statue and buried all my depression and tears way down deep inside of me. It's been a whole entire year and still I can't look at a dark haired boy with brown eyes without feeling as if my heart is bleeding and any second I'll burst into tears. And even now, twelve months later, the only words that ever go through my mind when I think of Narnia are what if…

**Caspian's Pov**

Have you ever loved someone so much that your hands tremble and your heart aches whenever you see them? Have you ever spent an entire night with a ridiculous smile on your face, replaying in your head over and over again the moment her finger brushed against your wrist when she passed you the bread? Have you ever spent a whole entire dinner staring at your fork because you couldn't even bare to look at that person because you loved her so much it hurt? Have you ever stayed up all night writing the same letter a thousand times because you couldn't even begin to describe how you feel when you see her? I have. And I still do.

Her name was Susan and I loved her with every fiber of my being, every breath in my body and with my whole heart. I had never seen anyone so utterly beautiful. But it was deeper than that. She was sweet, vivacious, gentle, fierce, smart, and funny. Everything I had ever imagined. She seemed so quiet and gentle but how fierce and protective she got of her family in an instant absolutely fascinated me. I had never met anyone like her before and I knew I never would again. From the very moment I saw her, that first day in the woods, I was hers. I _knew _I would never be able to feel the same way about anyone or get the same feeling in the pit of my stomach.

To be honest, the thought of her leaving me to rule on my own and go back to that strange country called England never even occurred to me. The thought of not spending every day, every minute with her never even crossed my mind; it just seemed so…painful and ridiculous the thought just never occurred to me. Stupid, foolish, idiotic teenager I was, I never even thought not spending the rest of my life with her was even an option. Like the idiot I was, I naturally assumed I would one day marry her and spend the rest of my days by her side. So I took our time together for granted. To be fair, I had so much more to worry about with the whole country hating me, King Peter breathing down my neck, and my insane uncle but I didn't say a quarter of the things to her I wanted to. I never even held her hand! I never told her how much I cared about her, how she made me feel, or how much I truly cared for her. I was only 17 then and I didn't realize how passionately I loved her until she was gone. Forever.

Not until I saw her and her oldest brother walking beside Aslan looking so upset did the fear of losing her creep into my mind. _No, Aslan would not be so cruel; Aslan wouldn't be so cruel._ I told myself over and over. I was so, so wrong. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of finding out that that one special person who made you come alive and made your palms sweat and your heart beat faster has to leave you forever. Who knows, she could already be married in her world by the time I woke up the next morning, or worse, dead. I tried every moment of the day after she left not to picture her with someone else. I know how horribly selfish that is; praying and hoping someome wouldn't get married or find someone that made her happy but the thought of some other man courting her (and Aslan forbid kissing her) sent a wave of pain so intense through me that it actually brought me to my knees. The thought of a man getting to spend the rest of his life with someone so utterly amazing, so beautiful and so sweet, (a chance I would never get) was downright unbearable.

I would not wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. The pain of meeting that one person who had your heart from the very beginning and then be torn away from you in an instant is unbearable. And it never goes away. She was everywhere, in the mirror, in the paintings, in my dreams

. The haunting pain of what could have been, what should have been. If only I had told her. If only I had done something, some small gesture to show her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. If only…


	2. I will come back

**Author's note: Hey everybody! this is my very first fanfic and i'm really nervous and hope you guys like it! i just really love susan and caspian as a pairing and i am fascinated by the relationship between the pevensie siblings. plz PLZ tell me what you think. Too much? too short? funny? pathetic or is it crap? plz tell me what you think**

**disclaimer: sadly, i dont own Narnia. c.s. lewis does**

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><p>Susan stared into the soft brown eyes of the gorgeous king, struggling to force the words past the enormous lump in her throat. Caspian stared back into her beautiful blue eyes, his face twisted in pain and his dark eyes clouded with grief. Determined to be as strong as possible when his heart was breaking, he forced himself closer to the girl he had to leave forever. Angry tears burned in his chocolate brown eyes. <em>No, Aslan would not be so cruel. <em>He couldn't help repeating to himself although he knew it wouldn't make her stay.

"I wish we had more time together," he whispered, his voice cracking. Susan gave a weak smile, too upset to respond. She grasped his big scarred hands in hers and slowly turned back, the pain reflected in every muscle in her body. The king lowered his head, determined to hide the hot tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. Nothing could ever compare to this kind of pain. It was like his heart was on fire, writhing and breaking in his chest. He hadn't realized how much he loved her until now, when she was standing a foot away from him, looking _so _beautiful, with tears swimming in her gorgeous eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to change Aslan's mind but before he knew it Susan's soft hands were against his face and her lips were pressed against his. Shocked, he wrapped his arm around her waist and his other on the small of her back. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever even imagined she would ever kiss him. Sure, he had imagined them kissing so many, _many _times but he had always been the one to kiss her.

He breathed in her sweet smell as he held her tight and pressed her against his heart. After what seemed just a few moments Susan pulled back and looked at him, her face wet with tears. She buried her head in his chest and threw her arms around Caspian's waist. Susan was grateful he hugged her so tightly because his strong arms were the only things keeping her from falling apart. She paused, wondering if it was possible for her heart to physically break. The Telmarine King dipped his head and softly kissed her shoulder blade. "Stay," he pleaded, his deep voice shaking…

"Su, Su wake up, Susan,'' Peter whispered urgently, shaking his sister awake. "Susan, Susan, stop, wake up!" he pleaded frantically. Startled, Susan jolted awake to see the sad worried faces of her brothers leaning over her bed. She looked questioningly at her brothers, angry at them for waking her from her dream.

"You were calling his name again," Edmund said quietly after a long pause. Susan lowered her head in shame, to embarrassed to look at her over-protective older brother. Another long pause. Peter sighed and sat down on the bed next to her, cautiously, he reached for her hand. "You have to let him go Sue. It's been a year. All you do is sit in that train station crying. No matter how long you sit there he isn't just going to walk off one of the trains. I know you liked him Su but you have to move on. You can't live like this anymore, it's not healthy. You have to stop," Peter said. It scared him to see his baby sister so upset but it was irritating living with someone who sat around moping all day.

Anger flashed through Susan as her older brother spoke. He didn't understand. He didn't understand how close she and Caspian had gotten during their short month together. He didn't understand how it took every fiber of her being to walk away from Caspian forever. He didn't understand the incredible pain and suffering she constantly felt; as if her heart was constantly on fire, burning away into didn't understand how much it hurt to think about him and see boys who looked like him every day. He didn't understand her.

Without another word Peter stood up and went back to bed, shaking his head. Susan leaned her head against the wall sobbing, the tears soaking into her brown curls. She constantly felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest every second of every day. And she had tried. She had tried so, so hard to move on, to let go of Caspian. To everyone else, Susan seemed like the average beautiful, shy, sweet, logical girl she had always been. Her parents had even been fooled by her fake smiles and forced laughter before they went to America for her father's job. But those who knew the real Susan saw the heartache and pain she tried so desperately to hide. Susan drew her knees up to her aching chest and cried out her continual sorrow into her pajama pants.

Edmund turned to follow Peter but paused hovering* in the doorway awkwardly, not sure what he could possibly say to comfort his older sister. (Edmund wasn't much for heartfelt conversations). "S-Su? Susan?'' he stuttered nervously. Startled, Susan looked up at her little brother. Edmund cringed at her tear-stained, red face and her puffy eyes. "What. What Ed? "She said expectantly between sobs. "I'm so, so sorry sis,so sorry" he choked out lamely, taking a small step towards her. Fresh tears slid down Susan's beautiful face and new sobs renewed in her chest. Edmund forgot his awkwardness and immediately strode across the floor and perched himself on the edge of her bed; she needed him. He wiped a tear away with his thumb and brushed a tangled curl out of her red face. She looked up at him with her tear-filled eyes and threw herself into his arms. She buried her head into his chest, clenching her fists in his shirt powerfully and cried uncontrollably.

Edmund wrapped his arms around his sister and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He squeezed his big sister lovingly and stroked her hair just like he had all those years in Calormen... He could feel the hot tears soaking into his shirt as he whispered comforting words in her ears, desperately trying to calm her down. He had never seen her so … broken. Well, except after Rabadash. Edmund growled and held her tighter at the horrible memory. (Just thinking of that arrogant creep and what he tried to do to his sister made his blood boil and his vision blur with red). Without a hint of embarrassment he gently settled them on the bed and pulled the covers over them, tucking the soft quilts under Susan's chin and carefully shifting her onto his shoulder. He locked his arms around her and wiped away her tears and kissed her hair until her breathing slowed down and she eventually stopped crying ." I love you so much Susan," he whispered softly as she finally drifted off to sleep in his arms after hours of crying.

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><p>The cold wind rushed through his long dark hair as Destrier's mane slapped against his face. The moon shone on the old forgotten path, the sound of the horses' hooves clapping against the dirt ringing through the forest. The silence in the woods cleared his crowded head and soothed his sore heart. After what seemed like decades Destrier slowed to a halt as Caspian mechanically jumped off the horse and fell on his knees in front of the towering oak tree, his broken heart throbbing and writhing in his chest.<p>

This clearing had been Caspian's escape for two long years. To him this lonely clearing was a sacred place; it was the last place he had seen her. It was also the place he had made his greatest had walked through this very tree_ "to leave me forever,"_ Caspian thought bitterly. The last three years had been agonizing for him. He had tried to move on, tried to forget about them. Forget about _her _but forgetting about your first love is impossible, especially if you know she is the only one you will ever love. _  
><em>

He tried to convince himself in the beginning that it was for the best and that everything was okay. When he started seeing her in his dreams and every time he closed his eyes he finally realized that it wasn't for the best and everything was not okay.

That's why Caspian had spent every night possible here. He understood why Peter and Susan had to leave but he couldn't help praying that someday that portal would open again and the kings and queens of old would step out.

Caspian pressed his battle scarred hands to the bark of that sacred tree, willing for the portal to open. He ran his hand around the rough old bark, closed his eyes and replayed every moment of the short month the Pevensies had been in his life.

Every smile, every sideways glance, every word they had shared came back to them. Every time their hands had accidentally touched, every second sent a wave of happiness through him, when truthfully; it only carved the scars deeper into his heart.

He had been euphoric those four glorious months Edmund and Lucy had spent with him on the Dawn Treader. Being with Edmund and Lucy had made him feel almost whole; like there wasn't a giant gaping hole in the middle of his chest. When Caspian was with the Pevensies he felt like he was a part of their tight-knit family. He would have risked anything for the Pevensies in a heartbeat.

The news that the two younger Pevensies had been in Narnia for their last time had plunged him back into his depression and torn him apart seam by seam. Lucy and Edmund had been the only things that kept him going on the Dawn Treader. They were his family and he loved them to death. And now he had had to lose them too.

Caspian hastily pulled his hand off the bark of that oak tree; the pain of what could have been searing into his heart. He felt so consumed in pain all the time and so broken all the time and he just couldn't take it anymore. With a heartbroken sigh and tears prickling his eyes, the Telmarine King mounted his steed and rode back to reality.

He couldn't help wondering if Susan ever thought of him or if she even missed him at all…


	3. The Trials And Troubles of The King

**Author's note: Hey everyone sorry for the delay my computer was being all weird and then in couldn't publish the chapter. I really hope you guys like it and PLZ Review, even if you don't like it. Thanks**

Peter couldn't sleep. He had been tossing and turning for the past three hours, thinking about the marvelous country he had loved, lost, loved and lost again. There, he was somebody. He was a king. The High King. He, Peter Pevensie, had made laws, won wars, single-handedly defeated countless enemies and brought glory, security, and happiness to a country for the first time in a hundred years. But not, not here. In England Peter was just a kid. He was just another hot-tempered, headstrong, ignorant teenager with no self-control in the eyes of the world. Peter knew he was a better leader, more tactful, brave and just downright smarter than any teacher, headmaster, or soldier who continually called him a weak, hopeless, ignorant mere child who would never amount to anything.

It had been a year. A year since he had held Rhindon in his hand, sat on a stone throne with a gold crown perched on his head, and practiced sword fighting daily with his brother. A year since he had almost brought back the White Witch, a year since he had charged down the battlefield like thunder, cutting down Telmarine left and right. A year since he had looked into Aslan's sad eyes and realized him and his oldest sister would never again look out over the sparkling sea, walk through the woods with the dancing trees or feel the magic in the Narnian air. A year since his sister had kissed that…_Telmarine_ . His sister. His sweet, gentle, beautiful sister who was crying her heart out in the room next to his. His sister who had never done anything to deserve the intense, crippling pain that had been tearing her apart since the day she had followed him into that portal and back into their own personal hells away from Narnia.

Leaving Narnia had of course taken its toll on all of them. Peter was slacking in school, mouthing off to teachers and picking fights with some idiot every other day. Edmund found school horribly and utterly pointless, was failing most of his classes and by the end of the day was just as bloodied up as Peter. Even Lucy, sweet, faithful, optimistic Lucy was a little quieter, a little more introverted. But none of them suffered as much as Susan.

All four Pevensies of course loved Narnia dearly and they all left a little part of them behind but Susan had left behind her whole heart. Peter hated to admit it but even he could see that there was something between his little sister and the Telmarine King. He could see it in her eyes, even now. She tried so hard to hide it but her brothers and sister could still see the everlasting dull, dead look in her blue eyes.

Peter had tried everything. He tried giving her space, tried getting her to talk to him, tried to explain to her why she had to let go and just move on with her life. She had only know the guy a month for God's sake! He had told her that over and over and over but she just wouldn't listen to him. At first she at least tried to hide it but now anyone could see it. She stopped talking to her friends, stopped going to parties with Peter or going to the library with Edmund and Lucy. She burst into tears every time a boy asked her out (which was quite often) and avoided even Peter's friends like the plague. And he couldn't take it anymore, he really couldn't. Peter couldn't stand to see his sister cry and he would do anything to make it stop.

And he was scared. He was so scared. He was scared that he was losing his sister. She had been drifting away for so long. For weeks she had tried to brush it off, pretend it never happened, ignore any talk of Narnia at all but soon found that that hurt just as badly and found an alternative solution; she completely retreated into herself. She ate alone at lunch, worked alone on school projects, tried to sneak back to the car when Peter took her to parties, went straight up to room after dinner and hardly talked to anyone at all, especially Peter. She had lost fate in everything and lost the strength to go on.

Oh and he had been so mean to her too. He had yelled and screamed and fought with her for months. He had once even told her that Caspian could never have loved her and that she was pathetic for even hoping so. And he would never, ever forgive himself for it. He had of course regretted it the second it came out of his mouth but he was so frustrated and scared and he hadn't known how else to make her understand that they weren't going back and she was never going to see Caspian again. As long as he lived Peter would never forget the look on Susan's face after the one person she thought understood her and would always be there for her had basically called her an unlovable pathetic loser. He had to apologize.

Peter had been listening to her cry long enough and it was about time he stopped acting like an insensitive idiot and started acting like a big brother. He threw the tangled sheets off himself and slipped into the hallway towards Susan's room. He stopped in front of her big looming door, took a deep breath and softly knocked on the wooden door. Silence. He knocked again. Still silence. Again. Still silence. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door to Su's room. Susan was curled up in Edmund's arms sound asleep with Edmund's cheek resting on the top of her head. Peter raised an eyebrow. This was VERY unlike Edmund. Edmund had _never _been the one to hold the girls when they cried or talk about his feelings. The only time he had ever seen his little brother like this was the night he and Susan had escaped from Calormen. He wouldn't let Susan out of his sight for weeks and insisted on sleeping on the couch in her room "in case she needed him."

Who did Edmund think he was; that was his job! Peter blinked, surprised at himself. _where did that come from? _Was he...jealous? He had always been the one to comfort the girls when they had nightmares, listen to their problems no matter how dumb they may be and hold them when they cried, never Edmund. Of course, Edmund loved both of his sisters more than you could imagine and was fiercely, fiercely protective of both of them. Everyone assumed Peter was the crazy over-protective one but if you asked Susan she would say Edmund was just as bad. Especially over suitors, before and after Rabadash. Edmund was being a better brother to Susan than Peter was and Peter couldn't stand it. He hated how he had acted towards his sister, how he spoke to her, and how he treated her. But that was all going to change right now. He was going to start taking care of her again, whether she needed him or not.

Seeing that Susan was taken care of for now, Peter quickly kissed Susan's forehead, ruffled Edmund's already messy hair and went back to his own room. But he still couldn't sleep. After yet another hour of tossing and turning Peter slipped on his robe and went down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Suddenly inspired Peter took out a pen and paper, sat at the kitchen table and started to write. 25 minutes later, at four thirty in the morning Peter cleaned up his tea mess and started up the stairs, slipping something into his sister's purse on the way.

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><p>King Caspian X, best swordsmen in all of Narnia, conqueror of Giants and Telamarine dictator's alike, bravest king in 1300 years, was hiding in a stable. With his horse. In the hay. Again. And to make matters worse it was not a dreaded enemy or relentless suitor that had him cowering in a stack of hay in a stable, oh no. It was his council. His own Telamarine council designed to help him pass laws, help him run the whole country and offer him guidance in general. But lately all the council had been doing was nagging and badgering him about finding a wife and producing an heir. And THAT was the absolute LAST thing he wanted to do.<p>

He had known for years that someday he would marry whatever princess or nobleman's daughter his uncle picked out for her, whether he liked the poor girl or not. He had been prepared, willing even, to marry whoever the country wanted regardless of whether he loved her or not. Until he actually found love. Until he had actually found a woman he wanted to wake up to every morning and raise his kids with. And he had lost her forever.

From the very second he saw her he _knew _that he would never in a million years find another woman like her that made his skin tingle and his heart beat faster. He had never been able to put a word on how she made him feel until she had disappeared into that dratted portal. His heart beat faster, the hair on the back of his neck stood up, his palms started to sweat and he couldn't even think straight when she was around. And he had spent months laying awake in bed trying to figure it out and now he finally did.

Love. He loved Queen Susan the Gentle with his whole heart and soul. He loved her so much that his skin tingled and his heart burned every time he saw her beautiful smiling face in his dreams. Why couldn't his bloody council get that through their thick skulls? He had told them several times that his heart belonged to a Queen of Old and that he would marry if and when he was ready and not because they told him to. The lords were getting more and more impatient everyday and now he dreaded running into any of them in the corridors or in the daily council sessions. They way they spoke to him about the matter, they way they spoke about _her _made his blood boil and his fists clench with unmentionable rage.

Caspian was snapped back out of his thoughts as the stable door slammed open and angry footsteps pounded on the dirt floors. What if it was one of the lords? They would have a field day. Panic gripped his brain as the footsteps got closer and closer until finally the door to his less than dignified hiding spot slammed open and a very amused and annoyed Trumpkin walked over to the stack of hay, hands on his hips. Caspian cringed at the look of utter amusement on the fiery dwarfs face.

"What in Aslan's mane are yer doin' in ere boy? Doncha know there's a right group of 'bout 20 ruddy lords that are so very not happy AND WONDRING WHERE IN THE BLAZES THEIR BLOODY KING WENT OFF TO? "Huh, come on boy, let's go," Trumpkin grumbled, pulling the terrified king to his feet and dragging him by the arm off towards the dreading council room.


	4. And Then The Sky Was Torn Asunder

**Authors note: here's chapter 3 finally! I really hope you guys like it and let me know what you think so I can improve! Please review; they make my day a whole lot brighter **

Susan woke the next morning with her head leaned against her brother's chest with his arms around her waist and his head rested on the top of her head. She groaned softly, remembering the haunting dreams and tears of the night and gently craned her neck to look up at her brother. She gave a quiet shriek of surprise when her blue eyes met not the sea green eyes of the older brother she was expecting but the dark brown eyes of her younger brother.

It had always been Peter who slept with her when she had nightmares, after her father went off to war and whenever she needed someone. Always Peter who comforted her and stayed with her on the rare nights she fell apart. And last night she certainly had fallen apart. (She could still feel her heart throbbing).All of her bottled up anger, regret and pain had finally just built up and exploded. She just couldn't keep it all inside anymore; it hurt too much. All the time. The pain never got better. It never stopped. No matter whom she was with or where she was there was always this dull ache in her chest that turned into a burning, grueling, searing pain whenever she thought no one was looking.

Edmund chuckled softly at the confused look on his big sisters face. "Good morning to you too!" he said sarcastically. Susan sat up carefully and stared out the window at the dark, cloudy sky and the cold drizzle that reflected perfectly how she felt. The siblings lay there for a few awkward moments until finally Susan broke the intimidating silence. "Thanks for being there last night Edmund. I'm sorry I haven't exactly been there for you since…" she trailed off and once again could feel the tears coming. But no, she would be strong, she wouldn't cry. She would be strong.

She gave Edmund a quick peck on the cheek, got off the bed and made for the door when Edmund jumped off bed and crushed her in an characteristic brotherly hug. "No Su, _I'm sorry._ I am the one who hasn't been there for you but I promise that is all going to change right now. I love you and I will ALWAYS be here for you and I'll never push you away ever again. I've been a jerk and you don't deserve it," he finished, tilting her chin up and forcing her to look him in the eyes. She smiled weakly up at him, once again silently thanking him. Edmund gave his big sister one more quick squeeze, kissed the top of her head and walked out of her room to join Peter and Lucy for breakfast.

Later That Morning…

Susan sat at the cozy booth in the homely little dinner down the street, staring into her coffee that had long stopped steaming. This quaint little dinner was the most popular spot for the girls at her boarding school as well as the boys at her brother' neighboring school to meet and study. Normally she dreaded going in there alone because of the rude, rowdy group of boys in Peter's year that really didn't understand that she wasn't interested in going out with them and truthfully, she absolutely detested them (they all reminded her horrible of Rabadash and her other many, many, _many _suitors). But for once she didn't let their rude comments about her bother her.

She had to get out of that house. She loved her brothers and sister to death but seeing them so seemingly happy and content when she felt so broken made the pain of never seeing Narnia, never seeing him again so much worse. And she couldn't _stand _that disappointed, brooding look Peter always had on his face whenever he looked at her. It was like he was perpetually on the brink of shaking her shoulders and screaming at her, like usual. He ALWAYS looked worried out of his mind about her and she absolutely couldn't stand to see that look scared, distraught, almost disgusted look on her older brothers face. And even worse, Edmund and Lucy were starting to get the same brooding, scared out of their mind looks on their faces. Oh and that dream…

She couldn't get Caspian out of her head. That dream, that beautiful, beautiful dream just kept playing in her head over and over again like a broken record. She had had many, many, MANY suitors in her life time and not a single one of them made her feel evenly remotely_ close _to how Caspian made her feel. They had all been narcissistic, arrogant, and petty but Caspian was so different than any man she had ever met. He was sweet, brave, courteous, chivalrous, down to earth, kind and he really, truly cared about the Narnians, unlike the eight generations of Telmarines before him. He was always there, somewhere in the back of her mind. His laugh, his smile, his handshake, his humor, his eyes, his long hair, the list went on and on.

"Excuse me miss, here's your bill when you're ready dear," the kind matronly waitress said handing Susan the bill. "Oh, I'll just pay it now," Susan mumbled and started digging around in her purse for her money. She paid the waitress, thanked her kindly and shoved her wallet back in her bag. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted an odd crumpled piece of paper wedged in the pocket of her bag. She yanked it out and immediately recognized Peter's regal, straight handwriting and her name on the front of the note. Cautiously, she smoothed out the parchment and began reading.

_Dear Susan,_

_ I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling and screaming and being an awful brother. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for pushing you away and not letting you into my life. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything all the time. I'm sorry for not spending time with you .I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I never meant to make you cry. I hate seeing you like this, Susan. I hate that I haven't been there to help you and haven't been there to stop your tears. I'd like to help you Susan. I want you to start going out again and try to move on. Just try. I know it's hard and I know it hurts but please, please just try. I really do love you._

_ Love,_

_ King Peter_

Tears rolled down Susan's cheeks as she folded up her brother's letter. Her and Peter had been fighting and yelling and not speaking for months. The two oldest Pevensies had always been really close but now the barely spoke and when they did, they yelled. And she missed him. She missed him so much. She missed his teasing comments, his stupid jokes, his lighthearted laughs and how overprotective he got of her and Lucy. She missed having a big brother.

Susan tears were interrupted by a big shadow cast over her pleasant little table. "Hello love, you ah, seem to be quite lonely," a deep cocky voice rasped. Susan groaned inwardly and without as much as a second glance at the handsome brunette, Susan sipped her coffee coolly, wiped her tears away and flipped through an old magazine. Maybe if she just didn't say anything he would go away. The boy, Jake, chuckled loudly and pulled up the chair across from her. "Look baby doll, How about you let me buy you dinner tonight? You look very alone and someone as pretty as you should be out anyway. I'll tell Peter I'll have you home by eleven" he said suggestively with what she thought was supposed to be a charming smile.

Susan sighed and put down her magazine. "Jake, just leave me alone, okay? I'm really not looking for a boyfriend. I'm sorry but I'm _really _not interested right now or ever. Just-just get away from me okay? I wasn't interested five months ago and I'm not interested now . just get away from me," Susan snapped angrily. Jake and his little friends had been flirting and following and bugging her for months and she was sick of it. Peter and Edmund had even gotten into a nasty fight with Jake and his gang after they caught them following Susan home but they still didn't get the message. She moved to get up but Jake grabbed her wrist in a vice-like grip, a furious expression on his sharp face.

"Hey! I know you like me. Just go out with me! You KNOW you like me!" he bellowed, pulling her closer. Images and memories of Rabadash flashed before her eyes and she cringed. "No Jake I really don't. I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU. "She all but yelled back at him, slapping him solidly across the face and prying herself out of his grasp. "Don't touch me ever again," she spat on her way out the door past Jake's awe-struck posse.

A few minutes later Susan spotted Peter, Edmund and Lucy walking down the street a few blocks away towards the grocery store. "Lu!" she cried, waving at her little sister. Lucy finally saw her and her and Edmund started making their way over to Susan when the loud buzzing of a plane sounded over head. French and American planes were very common in Finchley, especially now, but nevertheless Susan said a silent prayer in her head for the brave ally pilot and kept walking.

Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream split through the air and everyone started sprinting down the streets in utter chaos. Susan didn't have to look up to understand what caused such abrupt and utter madness; the Axis Powers.

The blood froze in her veins and pure terror tore through her body. "EDMUND!LUCY! PETER!'' she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran faster than she had ever moved in her whole life towards her younger brother and sister. She pulled the younger two undercover and flung herself on top of them. Over her dead body would anything happen to them. She squeezed her blue eyes shut and listened in horror as her very world was torn asunder seam by seam.

The very earth quaked and trembled beneath the bone-shattering impact of the fatal bombs pounding into the concrete. Desperate cries for sisters, fathers, daughters, and husband screeched in Susan's ears as the smell of death creeped through the air. Buildings shattered like glass, slamming into the street. Fire and smoke hung in the air like the death that had so cruelly fallen on the peaceful little town. Bombs exploded mere miles from where the four Pevensies lay huddled together, their hearts pounding in their chests and terrified tears sliding down their pale cheeks.

Susan's head snapped up at the sound of the bombs getting closer and closer. She forced herself to look up at the black sky. Her stomach dropped and her heart clenched as a ghastly boom sliced through the smoky sky just mere blocks away from her little family. It was getting closer and closer and soon would be right beside them. With all her might Susan shoved Peter off of her and Lucy and as far away from her as she could. Apologizing mentally, Susan gave Edmund one swift kick and shoved him and Lucy under cover with every ounce of strength in her body, her one last desperate attempt to protect her beloved family. She screamed as the bomb slammed into the ground with tremendous force as white hot pain shot through her body like a thousand stabbing knives. She writhed and screamed on the ground, trying to escape the consuming pain overcoming her body. The last thing she remembered was someone frantically screaming her name at the top of their lungs and then her world went black.


	5. This is Home

**Author's note: Hey I finally updated!This chapter was really, really hard to write; it literally kept me awake at night! Anyway I really hope you guys like this chapter and that it lives up to your expectations! Oh and the ages might be helpful so here they are: Peter: 18**

** Susan: 17**

** Edmund: 15**

** Lucy: 13**

** Caspian: 20**

**Hope you guys like it and review! They mean so much to me; please take the time to write one they make my day!**

Susan's eyelids fluttered open slowly. Warm rays of blinding sun hugged her body, kissing her face and hair. The soft breeze gently whipped her skirt around her legs and played with her chocolate curls idly. She smiled into the warmth of the sunny breeze and rolled onto her back into the soft sand, staring into the bluest sky she had ever seen. Her body was stiff and sore but the soft sand soothed her cuts and bruises and relaxed her whole body. Slowly, she staggered to her feet and took in a sharp breath. Was she dead?

A sparkling sea stretched out as far as the eyes could see. The hot sun beat down on the soft sand. Salty sea spray misted over her face and body, wind whipping her long loose curls across her smiling face. She had never seen anything so breathtakingly beautiful in her whole life. The very air was full of magic. Euphoric tears welled up in her blue eyes. She was Home.

She was finally _home._ Where fauns danced through the woods, where trees whispered secrets in your ear. Where centaurs stretched out beneath the stars, where animals talked, where a certain King Caspian X lived. Her breath caught in her chest. Caspian. How long had it been? Was he married? Did he have kids? Was Caspian even _alive? _

All thoughts of the handsome Telmarine disappeared out of her mind when an ecstatic Lucy came barreling down the beach and flung her arms around Susan, nearly knocking the two into the ocean. "Susan, Susan you're safe! You're okay! We're back Susan we're back! We weren't supposed to come back but here we are! Everything is going to be okay again Su!" Lucy gushed ecstatically. Susan crushed the trembling ball of energy in her arms. She had totally forgotten about the horrid bombing and even her family in her excitement. Susan twirled Lucy around in the air, laughing for the first time in months. The two sisters broke apart smiling and stared into the ocean, euphoric tears trailing down their flushed cheeks.

With another elated shriek of glee Lucy slammed into Susan in another exhilarated hug. With a booming laugh Susan wrapped her arms around her little sister's shoulders and kissed her hair happily. A few seconds later the Gentle Queen's eyes flew open and she held her little sister at arm's length. "Wait, where are the boys?" she squeaked, worry seeping through her voice. Lucy's eyes widened and she slapped her hand to her mouth gasping.

At that moment Susan felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around her waist and twirl her in the air. Her shocked scream turning into a fit of laughter as she recognized Peter's deep laugh ring across the beach, followed by Edmund's mocking chuckle. "Peter! Edmund! You're okay!" the girls cried together, slamming their brothers into a cozy group hug which they happily returned. The siblings stood there for a full two minutes yelling and laughing and all talking at the same time. They finally broke apart arm in arm, and stood in contented silence taking in their beautiful Narnia, the cool sea lapping at their feet.

However, silence wasn't good enough for the exuberant Lucy. With a mischievous grin, Lucy bent over and flung salty water at Edmund's face with a vivacious laugh. "Lu! You'll pay for that!" Edmund howled and begun chasing his shrieking little sister around the beach. Lucy squealed and took off running through the shallow water, sending salty droplets into the older two's faces. Peter and Susan laughed until tears streamed down their faces at the sight of Edmund dunking Lucy into the ocean and Lucy in return pulling Edmund underwater with a very undignified scream. "Come on you two!" Edmund shouted through a mouthful of water and then once again dunked the youngest Pevensie into the salty Narnian Sea.

Peter turned to Susan with an impish grin and looked at her then the water then back at her. Her eyes widened with realization and Susan screamed and started to run but Peter was older and faster. He scooped Susan up in his arms and started walking triumphantly towards where Lucy and Edmund were now having an all out water war. Susan screamed and fought him but not-so secretly, she loved it. She finally had her annoying, ridiculously over-protective, lovable, mischievous brother back.

Peter waded in about to his waist and dropped a laughing Susan into the cool water with a flourish. The water was cold and refreshing and sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine. She relished in the feeling of Narnia's magic for a few moments before a marvelous new idea struck her. Carefully, she swam up behind Peter, quietly put her head above the water, grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him down under the water beside her.

Peter sprang out of the water and lunged at his sister, pulling her back under the water. Lucy, Edmund and Peter burst into hysterical laughter at the sight of a very wet, very messy looking Susan splutter up out of the water. The very little make-up she wore was trailing down her cheerful face in a thin line of black goop, her usually tidy curls were tangled and matted around her face and her clothes were soaking wet. She had never looked so unkempt and untidy but she had never looked prettier to Edmund, Peter and Lucy. She was finally smiling. She was finally laughing, joking around, playing and being her old pre-war self.

"Hey girls," Edmund said curiously, "Is that-?" "No, i-it _couldn't_ be." Susan replied incredulously, her sky blue eyes widening. It couldn't possibly what she thought it was, no way. "Cair Paravel!" Lucy squealed exuberantly, clapping her hands. The four Pevensies all stood dripping wet in shocked silence for several minutes, staring at their glorious castle from the Golden Age, standing tall and proud overlooking the sea. Their stately beautiful castle that had stood in dilapidated ruins during the Narnian Revolution and was right there before their eyes in all its former glory. They couldn't believe it. Within the last fifteen minutes, they had been right in the midst of The Blitz, been thrown into the magical word they had all been told they would never see again, and seen their magnificent castle from who knows how long ago standing right before their eyes. They were utterly speechless.

The four royals were snapped out of their memories by a loud, angry voice shouting angrily from not too far away. They whirled around to see a dark figure sprinting towards them, sword drawn. Peter cursed under his breath and (ignoring their eye-rolls) motioned for Lucy and Susan to stay there and for Edmund to follow him. Together the two kings trudged through the refreshing water and up to the beach to greet the stranger who seemed to be quite angry now and was only about 20 yards away now. "Hey! Who are you? What are you doing here?" the voice boomed in a heavy Spanish accent. Susan's heart started beating a faster and her palms started sweating profusely. Her whole body started trembling her heart seemed to come out of her chest.

"Caspian!" Lucy cried excitedly. The youngest Pevensie darted past Edmund, pushed Peter out of her way and ran towards the man. The handsome King paused slightly, a confused look on his face for a moment until Lucy got closer. He would recognize that fiery hair and bright smile anywhere. "Lucy? Lucy!" he yelled flabbergasted. Rhindon dropped out of his hand and clattered onto the soft ground as he started running towards her. With a merry peal of laughter Lucy flung her arms around Caspian's neck and hugged him tight. Caspian spun Lucy around and crushed her into him. He had missed Lucy's optimism, bright smile and merry laugh. He had missed her so, so much. "Can't…breathe….you can… let go now…." Lucy gasped breathlessly into Caspian's shoulder. He smiled apologetically and gently set the young queen back on her feet.

"W-what are you doing here? How did you get here?" he stuttered, looking Lucy in the face for the first time in 6 months. For the first time in three and a half years he felt a smile spreading across his face and familiar warmth spreading through his veins. Before Lucy could answer, Edmund came jogging up to the two old friends. "Caspian! It's really great to see you mate!" Edmund said jovially, clapping his best friend on the shoulder and pulling him in for a brotherly hug. Caspian couldn't remember ever being so happy in his whole life. He had his sister (practically) and his best friend in the whole world back. The three talked animatedly while Peter slowly made his way up the beach, towing a very pale, slightly trembling Susan behind him. Peter's eyes darted back to Susan nervously. "Well, glad to know we're loved here," the high king said loudly as he stopped in front of Caspian, slightly intimidated. He definitely didn't remember Caspian being so… big. He was definitely not the pigheaded, uncertain, headstrong teenager Peter remembered but a confident, strong king who knew his place. It felt so weird to be the younger one for once. The two kings greeted each other amiably with a warm handshake a quick hug and some polite small talk.

And then he saw her. The girl who had been haunting his dreams for three agonizing years. The girl who had left and enormous hole in his heart. The girl he loved. And she was right there, not 4 feet away from him, looking more beautiful than he had ever seen anyone look in his whole life. His heart skipped a beat and his legs almost gave out underneath him. His heart stopped beating for a moment and almost seemed to twist and flop in his chest. It took everything he had to throw his arms around her waist and kiss her right then and there. Every cell in his body was screamed at him to kiss her but he dug his heels in the sand, set his jaw and tried to banish the less than chivalrous thoughts from his mind. He stopped breathing and he was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open like an idiot (Edmund would later inform him he had also been drooling). He had spent hundreds of sleepless nights imagining seeing her again but now here they were and he had absolutely no idea what to do or say. (And what was worse was he had even thought out exactly what he would say if he ever got the chance but her stunning beauty seemed to fry his brain). Earsplitting silence hung in the air.

Finally, after almost a full minute of dead silence, Caspian mustered up all his courage and took a step towards the young queen hesitantly and took it as a personal triumph when she didn't take a step back. _Think Caspian, think! Don't just stand there, do something! Say something, anything! _Caspian scolded mentally. He opened his mouth to say something witty and charming only to have a huge gust of air with no words come out. Lucy groaned and slapped her forehead, Edmund snickered and Peter was looking much too smug for Caspian's liking. He felt his cheeks grow hot in embarrassment.

Susan stared at the handsome Telmarine standing not four feet away from her. God, why did he have to be so good-looking! The second her sister had seen Caspian, Susan's heart stopped beating and her legs gave out; she would have certainly fallen over if it hadn't been for Peter being so close to her. Here he was, the man she had fallen so desperately, irrevocably, and hopelessly in love with and here she was, standing there like an idiot. _Don't stand there watching you moron! Say something, say something now!_ Her brain screamed at her.

He was now only a few steps away from her and his closeness was making her head spin. She had dreamed of this moment every night for a whole year and now that it was actually happening, she hadn't the faintest idea how to act or what to say. Of course she knew what she _wanted _to do but that highly inappropriate and out of the question. It took every ounce of self-control in her body not to fling her arms around the gorgeous king and never let go. She knew she sounded like a cheesy romance novel but she couldn't help it; it was exactly how she felt in her heart.

Susan took a deep breath, mustered all her courage and prepared to say something beautiful and charming to win Caspian over forever.

"Hi." She said lamely, the smiling disappearing from her face as the word came out of her mouth. She resisted the urge to hit herself over the head with Caspian's sword hilt. _Hi? Hi? That's all you could think of? Hi? You stupid, stupid girl! What were you thinking? You hopeless idiot he would never love you? What's so great about you?_

"Hello." Caspian said in a surprised tone. No one would ever know how happy he was that it was Susan who made the first move. Caspian felt a ridiculous smile creep up on his face at the fabulous look on Susan's face. That smile. That beautiful, flawless smile he had seen in every woman for the last three and a half years of his life.

"Narnia has missed you very much my queen," he said formally, bowing and tenderly kissing her hand with as much self control as he could possibly muster. Her heart leaped out of her chest and a radiant smile shone brightly on her face as Caspian kissed her hand. Now he was absolutely beaming at the splendid blush and smile on her face. She dipped her head respectfully to the king "Narnia itself has been very much missed too King Caspian," she said with a slight waver in her voice. Peter all but growled at Caspian for the way he was looking at his sister.

Edmund snorted and rolled his eyes at their ridiculous formality. "So Cas, did you do this?" he said incredulously pointing at the magnificent castle perched on the hill. "What? Oh, uh yes, yes I rebuilt it after...'' he trailed off with a pained expression on his face. His smile faltered and he cleared his throat. "After my uh, coronation in memory for the four greatest monarchs in Narnian history," he finished. He said four but his eyes never left Susan the whole time.

Susan was suddenly very aware of her wet blouse clinging to chest and her plaid skirt sticking to her legs. She blushed furiously and shuffled her feet uncomfortably. "What a fool I am to keep you all here in your wet things," Caspian said nervously, a thick blush creeping up his neck as he tried very hard to avoid looking at Susan. Peter and Edmund respectfully kept their gaze away from their oldest sister as she nervously fidgeted with her tangled hair and tried to casually wipe the gooey makeup off of her face. "Shall we?" Peter said offering Lucy his arm as the five monarchs walked leisurely towards the castle and the life they had all craved for years.


	6. Memory Lane

Cair Paravel was just as they remembered it; the courtyard, the walls, the garden, the corridors, the dining room, their bedrooms, everything. Apparently Trumpkin had found hundreds of drawings, paintings, and journal entries about the Cair in Lucy and Susan's trunks (though Caspian could never bring himself to open them himself) that builders had used to reconstruct the entire castle. They had even managed to recover portraits of Cor, the Beavers, Orious, and Mr. Tumnus that hung proudly throughout the castle in various hallways, libraries and sitting rooms. Seeing the familiar faces of old friends and loved ones brought warmed the Pevensie's hearts and brought tears to their eyes.

Susan collapsed onto her huge four poster bed in contented heap. She had spent the last two hours trying to wrap her head around the events of the day. Aslan himself had told all four of the Pevensies that they had been to Narnia for the last time and would have to live in their own world for the rest of their lives. And yet here she was, wearing a beautiful, silky green floor-length dress in her cozy Golden Age bedroom, surrounded by adoring subjects who respected and treated her like an adult. No more pompous schoolteachers, snooty upperclassmen girls, and no more rude, piggish, boys constantly following her and asking her out to dinner and dances.

She sighed happily and started lacing up the corset of the beautiful dress she had finally decided on. By some miracle, the dresses in her trunk for the Golden Age had survived 1300 years and for some odd reason Caspian had kept all of them, Lu's as well. A soft knock rapped against the heavy oak door to her bedroom, interrupting her thoughts of the king. "Su? Is it safe to come in? It's me, you're favorite," Lucy's sing song voice chirped. "Just a second," Susan called out, fumbling with the last laces of her dreadful corset. She really did hate those things. (Who decided a blue face from lack of air was attractive anyway?) "Come in."

Lucy bounced into Susan's room happily and couldn't help giving her sister a hug. "Don't you look pretty," Susan said cheerfully, giving Lucy the once over. Her normally straight hair hung in loose red waves down her back, framing her round face. She wore no make-up but her face was radiating energy. Susan immediately recognized an orange and gold flowing dress trailing down to the floor in soft waves of silky fabric. "Not half as pretty as you," Lucy mumbled under her breath with a hint of jealousy.

"Not trying to steal Caspian away from me are you?" Susan blurted out loftily and immediately covered her mouth with her hands. Did she say that out loud? Lucy burst out into a fit of un-queenly giggles at her sister's obvious embarrassment. Susan blushed and started rummaging through her drawers, pretending to look for a necklace that matched her hunter green simple dress. ''Come to dinner with me?" Lucy asked brightly, offering her arm to her older sister. "Of course your majesty," Susan said pompously accepting her sister's arm. The two sisters made their way down the long hallways towards the dining room, talking and laughing about old friends and long ended parties and birthdays. And that's how the two queens of Narnia entered the lavish dining room; arm in arm, talking and laughing like the best friends they were.

"What's so funny girls?" Edmund asked as they entered the room. "Oh we were just discussing your fabulous 20th birthday ball and your wonderful waltzing skills Ed," Susan said loftily. Edmund blushed, making the two girls laugh harder. Edmund couldn't help laughing in spite of himself at his oldest sister's happiness. Looking up from his plate, Caspian finally spotted Susan and knocked over his chair quite loudly in his great hurry to stand and show proper respect. He could feel all eyes on him.

"You two look beautiful," he said sincerely. Lucy smiled encouragingly at from him to Susan meaningfully."Thank you, so do you!" Susan said enthusiastically. Catching her blunder almost instantly, Susan's eyes widened and her cheeks turned a fabulous shade of red. Edmund and Peter burst out laughing and even Lucy stifled a giggle. Caspian just stood there looking very pleased with himself. "Well, 'beautiful' wasn't exactly what I was going for but I'll take that as a compliment," the good natured king said jovially, deepening Susan's embarrassment even further.

"Ay, we are known for our strong army and pretty kings, eh Professor?" a familiarly grumpy voice boomed.

"Trumpkin!" Susan and Lucy squealed together. The two young queens ran over to the other side of the table to greet their old friend. "Oh it's wonderful to see you DLF!" Lucy gushed as she hugged the grumpy old dwarf. "Well that's not at all patronizing is it," he grumbled, finally returning the hug. "Well, we _are _1300 years older than you dear little friend!" Susan joked, bending down to hug the red dwarf who made a fuss about all the hugging but hugged back and positively blushed when the beautiful young girl kissed his cheek warmly.

"That you are my dear," Professor Cornelius said as he kissed Lucy and Susan's hands warmly. "It's wonderful to see you all again," Lucy's explained, "we missed you all so much.'' Lucy took the seat between Edmund and the professor, leaving Susan to sit between Peter and Caspian. Caspian pulled out Susan's chair for her politely and almost stopped breathing when his hand brushed against her bare shoulder. His fingers tingled through the rest of the dinner.

He knew it was very rude to stare but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the beautiful creature just inches from him. She looked even _more _beautiful than he remembered, if that was possible. Her long loose curls were darker and longer, now brushing against her ribcage. Her face was thinner, her eyelashes longer and her features more defined. She was taller and slimmer and seemed to hold herself with new a confidence and grace. She was no longer an awkward teenager uncomfortable with her body but a graceful young woman who was comfortable and confident in her skin.

"CASPIAN!" Peter practically yelled, pounding his fist on the table and finally succeeding in getting the Telmarine's attention. He had been trying to get the new king's attention for several minutes now but he was so busy ogling his little sister that he hadn't even noticed. Peter knew how much Susan liked the guy but if he didn't stop staring at her like that Caspian was going to become very well acquainted with Peter's sword.

"Hm what?" he mumbled distractedly. "Never mind." The high strung king growled. This was gonna be a long night.

Later that night…

Susan lay sprawled out on the beach, the sea ticking her bare feet. The sun was finally setting over the ocean and she was certain nothing in England could ever come close to being even a fraction as beautiful as anything in Narnia. Susan had always loved sunset. The sky alive with color, the stars shyly making their first appearance in the sky. She loved feeling the wet sand between her toes and the sound of the waves on the beach. She loved the cold breeze slapping against her back and the sand blowing into her face.

_Nothing _could ever compare to Narnian sunsets. Everything in Narnia seemed so much brighter, more magical. More…_ vivacious. _The sky was bluer, the grass was greener, the sun was brighter, the water was clearer and even the very air seemed to be magical. And the stars, oh the stars were so beautiful. Sunset had always cleared Susan's practical mind. She could always rely on the calm of sunset to tell her what to do and help her see reason.

She laid back into the sand and looked up at the first stars glimmering in the purple sky. She smiled softly and buried herself into the sand and let the warmth fill her up. She sighed contentedly and studied the sky. Everything in Narnia had changed so much since the Golden Age. The lands, the people, even the stars.

The minutes turned into hours as she stared up into the heavens. It was close to midnight but she didn't care. She needed to be there. She needed to hear the waves and the see the stars and feel the wind. Her blue eyes cracked open for a fraction of a second. That sound wasn't the wind. She listened. There it was again, getting closer. She sat up slowly and listened closer, prepared to run if something happened. A twig snapped and she jumped.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to frighten you your highness. May I… join you?'' a thick accent said softly from a few yards away. Susan's palms started to sweat and her heart started to ache when she saw the gorgeous king standing in the sand a few yards away from her not-so-secret getaway. "Of course," she finally managed to spit out.

Caspian smiled and cautiously stretched himself out next to her, hands behind his head. Susan's head started spinning and her heart started beating faster and slower at the same time. And she wasn't even looking at him! (trying hard not to anyway)

The two royals lay there in awkward silence for a few moments, both to flustered to think of anything even semi-intelligent. To her immense relief, Caspian spoke first. "My father used to take me out to watch the stars every week when I was a boy,'' Caspian said softly, still staring up at the stars. "He would wake me up in the middle of the night and carry me out to the stable. We rode on his horse together for hours before we finally stopped at a clearing-not too far from here actually," he continued. "He told me that all the great Telmarine kings were up there, watching me. He told me to look up at the stars and picture myself as a great king someday. Somehow, I never could," he finished, a hint of sadness in his deep voice.

Susan smiled softly to herself. Before she could stop herself, she reached over and grabbed Caspian's rough hand in her own and gave him a comforting squeeze. Caspian looked at their joined hands and a huge smile broke across his face. He quite liked the way her small white hand looked in his big rough one. Before he could even blink, Susan yanked her hand out of his gentle grasp, appalled at her own sudden boldness. She hastily turned her face away from him, trying in vain to hide her blushing face behind her thick curls. Caspian sighed and settled back down into the sand, trying to calm his nerves.

"My father used to read me Telmarine fairy tales before bed every night," he turned towards the gentle queen. "You know, my father used to sing to me _every night._ Rather loudly and very off key but still. He was my best friend," Caspian said sadly. He had lived without a father for thirteen years but he still missed him every day.

"My mother used to sing to me too," Susan confessed. She smiled with a faraway look in her eyes. The two royals talked about their childhood and families for hours, laughing and crying. They had missed each other so much; absence really does make the heart go fonder. They had known each other only for a month but already they felt like on complete, whole person instead of two broken ones.

It was about two o'clock in the morning when the two royals finally seemed to have no more words to say to each other. Their eyes were wet with tears (happy and sad) and their stomachs sore from laughing. Once again, there was silence.

Caspian had waited for three agonizing years to talk to her about the day she left and it was tearing him apart. He had to know. "I love you," Caspian suddenly blurted out of the blue. His hand flew to his mouth. Did he really just say that? His face burned with embarrassment. How stupid was he? How callous. How could he be so thick? How could he of just blurted it out like that? WHAT was he thinking? What a fool he was to think someone as perfect as her could ever love him.

Caspian held his breath and waited in uneasy terror for a reply but none came. His heart was pounding so loud in his chest he was truly amazed she couldn't hear it. "Susan?"He said cautiously. Nothing."Your majesty?" Still nothing. Very slowly, Caspian turned towards her, prepared for a slap in the face or a look of horrified disgust. He let out an exasperated sigh of relief. She was asleep.( How glad he was she hadn't heard his ridiculous outburst no one would ever know)

He turned towards her in the sand, watching her chest rise and fall and listening to the sound of her breathing until his pounding heart slowed down and the air returned to his lungs. She was perfect.

Unwillingly, Caspian finally stood up and stretched. It was very late and he really didn't want to be caught out here alone with the queen at three o'clock in the morning (especially by a certain blond haired king). He slipped off his old jacket and loosely wrapped it around the Gentle Queen's shoulders, blushing slightly as he buttoned the jacket over her chest.

As carefully and quietly as he could possibly manage, Caspian slid one arm around her back, the other under the back of her knee and scooped her up in his arms. She was much lighter than he expected. "You need to eat more," he whispered into her hair as her began the long walk back up to the castle. She sighed happily in his arms and nestled her head in the crook of his neck, her lips brushing briefly against his chin. His whole body felt like it was on fire from her touch and his heart started beating faster and slower at the same time, a feeling no one had ever made him feel in his whole life.

All too soon he came to the heavy oak door leading to her bedroom. Very awkwardly he fumbled with the doorknob and pushed the door open. He stutter stepped into her room nervously, somehow feeling… almost _ashamed. _Perhaps he should of gotten Edmund or one of the guards… his chivalrous side debated. No, he wanted this moment with her. Lovingly, he carried her over to her big four poster bed, tucked her in and giving in to his temptation, tucked a brown curl behind her ear, kissed her forehead and went off to bed.


	7. Tears

"I swear if she's not down in two minutes I'm gonna drag her down the stairs by the hair!" Edmund seethed. It was almost nine-thirty in the morning and Susan still wasn't downstairs for breakfast. "What's she doing in there anyway? Going through every dress in her closet? Doing her makeup, as if she even_ needs_ any!" he ranted. Edmund was starving, Peter refused to start eating without her and Caspian was just staring at his plate with a stupid smile on his face at the mention of his sister. Gag. It was much too early in the morning to think about his best friend liking his sister. Just the thought was almost enough to make him lose his appetite. Almost. He hadn't had anything to eat for almost 12 whole hours (which was quite a feat for the young king). And _nothing _was scarier than a hungry Edmund.

Peter was almost as irritated as Edmund was. He had spent the whole night racking his brain about what could have possibly been so important as to go against Aslan's word and bring all four of them back. After four hours of tossing and turning he decided to go talk to the most logical person he knew (Susan) and see what she thought. He got out of bed and went down the hall to his sister's room only to find her bed totally empty. He checked the bathroom, the kitchen, Lucy's room but he couldn't find her anywhere.

On his way back to his room he somehow found himself in front of Caspian's door. Curious, he knocked lightly and hearing no reply cracked open the door. Caspian wasn't in his room either. Sleep after that was pointless; all he could think about was _that boy _and his little sister. He openly glared at Caspian all morning.

Just as Edmund stood up to go "drag her down the stairs by the hair" Susan hurried in, her hair still messed up and her dress wrinkled. She had woken up late still wearing Caspian's jacket and spent almost a half hour speechlessly staring at it and reliving every second of the previous night before she realized what time it was.

"I'm so sorry! I-""FINALLY!" Edmund yelled, leaping out of his chair and stuffing a whole muffin and a piece of sausage in his mouth. "What the heck were you doing up there?"He paused. "Scratch that, I really don't want to know. I've been waiting fore_ver _for you! Do you know how hard it is to be me surrounded by food and not be able to eat it!'' he whined. Susan giggled and smiled shyly at Caspian, who grinned ear to ear in return and politely pulled out her chair and took the seat next to her happily. "That's okay, I wasn't talking," Edmund said only to be ignored by his best friend and sister who both seemed to be completely concentrated at staring at anything but each other. He scoffed; this whole thing was so silly, this tension between them. Edmund knew exactly how Susan felt about Caspian and he was obviously head over heels crazy about her so why were they being like this? He sighed melodramatically and changed the subject to something that didn't make him want to vomit.

"So Cas, what's on the agenda today? CAS? Caspian? Hey, Cas?" he leaned across the table and clapped loudly inches from his friends face "CASPIAN!'' he yelled. The Telmarine king jolted in his chair "Huh what, oh…uh I hadn't really thought about it… but I suppose you had better meet the council. They will certainly want to meet you," he almost growled. He really, truly hated the council. Nothing but a bunch of pompous nagging old men bent on telling him exactly what he was screwing up and how badly and continuously heckling him about getting married…

An hour and a half later the five monarchs were marching through the hallway, dressed in their elegant finery with their crowns perched neatly on their heads. Caspian was dreading the Pevensies meeting his rude council. He was especially worried about the council's reaction to the queens of old. A woman hadn't set foot in the council room for over 1300 years, let along helped to run the county. In their minds eye, a queen's only purpose was to produce an heir and host important balls and dinners for important knights and kings. The Telmarine lords openly expressed their opinions about the subject, which was exactly what Caspian was afraid of.

Seeing his obvious worry, Susan discreetly gave his hand a quick squeeze and an encouraging smile. His heart did a little somersault in his chest as he smiled back at her and twined his fingers through hers, making her blush a little and temporarily stop breathing. He caught Peter's disproving scowl and quickly dropped her hand and casually stepped a few inches away from Susan. If looks could kill, Caspian would have been a mangled mess on the floor.

They finally came to the heavy door leading to the Telmarine council room. Lucy giggled slightly at Caspian, who looked as if he were preparing to meet his maker. Even Peter laughed. "Wow Caspian, you look terrified. Who knew your own council had bigger effect on you than 600 Telmarine's dead set on running you through with a sword?" he teased jovially. "I'm not afraid they just never listen to me! All they can do is nag and prod and heckle me about meeting a wealthy lord's daughter or a princess and getting married…" Caspian stopped dead in his tracks and looked cautiously at Susan who was suddenly very interested in the pattern on the carpet. Edmund sighed haughtily, threw open the door and shoved Caspian into the throne room.

The nine lords stopped whispering immediately and turned their full attention on their king. "Good afternoon Gentlemen. I assume you've all heard the rumors about the return of the Kings and Queens of Old. Those rumors are very true, furthermore, gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to High King Peter the Magnificent, King Edmund the Just, Queen Lucy the Valiant and- Queen Susan the Gentle," He fumbled over her name, his voice dripping with affection.

Susan and Lucy curtseyed formally and Edmund and Peter gave a curt bow to the Telmarine Lords. The lords all stood and bowed extravagantly to the four legendary monarchs. The oldest lord, Lord Octavos, rose from his seat ostentatiously. "Your majesties, I cannot begin to express how honored I am to be in the presence of the subjects of so many…fairy-tales and such. Your leadership is legendary," he said, pretentiously striding forward and once again bowing very low to Peter and Edmund and shaking their hands. He spoke not a word to the queens, barely glanced at Susan and Lucy kissed their hands absently.

Susan did not like this man at all. His features were cold and sharp and his eyes had a cruel glint to them. She could tell by the way he carried himself he was a very proud man who definitely was not afraid to tell anyone exactly what he thought of them. His presence made her uneasy and edgy. "Of course there will be a ball to celebrate the unexpected return of the kings, I'm sure her majesties would like that very much," he said pompously, voice dripping with disdain. . Susan and Lucy looked at each other and discreetly rolled their eyes.

Caspian stiffly walked to the front of the room and swept his arm towards the four thrones behind him. The four Pevensies all sucked in a mouthful of air. There they were, the legendary four thrones at Cair Paravel, still waiting for them. Tears prickled in Susan's eyes as she remembered what it was like sitting in that throne, a twenty-eight year old woman. The four siblings exchanged eager glances and sank into their thrones happily, relishing in the feel of the stone against their skin.

Murmurs and concerned whispers floated through the air as the two queens sat down. Caspian stifled a groan and rubbed his temple. Of course, Lord Octavos spoke first. "Forgive me my queens, but surely your majesties are not planning to attend the Telmarine council of lords? With all due respect, this council is designed strictly for the kings and the lords specifically chosen by the people of Telma- I mean Narnia. This is a place for bussiness, not party planning and ball preparations.'' he said angrily. Susan arched her eyebrows and sat up straighter. "Oh really? So sorry but it sounds to me you are underestimating the authority and leadership of my sister and I, Lord... Octavos was it?" he nodded spitefully and Susan continued.. I have attended more than a few "meetings of kings" in my time and Queen Lucy and I do know a thing or two about ruling a country," she said, trying very hard to be as polite and diplomatic as possible. The lord's face flamed. "Yes, her majesty clearly has experience leading hundreds of Narnians to their deaths over some handsome Calormen prince and his silly tricks," he hissed through his teeth.

Susan recoiled as if she had been slapped and the blood drained out of her face. She could feel hot tears building up behind her eyelids. Lucy gasped and Edmund sprang from his throne, his face a thundercloud. He gripped the arm of his throne so hard his knuckles turned white. "You little-!" he yelled only to be cut off by Caspian who crossed the room in two strides and was now towering over the proud lord, his hands trembling with rage "How DARE you speak to her that way! How dare you question her leadership? How DARE you! You pompous, arrogant, pessimistic _idiot!_" he screeched, storming out of the throne room followed by two seething brothers and Lucy towing a much shaken Susan behind her.

* * *

><p>Susan sat on the bench in the garden in the courtyard in Cair Paravel, her knees pulled up to her chest, taking deep calming breaths. She had tried every day for the last four years to forget about <em>that man.<em> That horrible, horrible man who had fooled her with his sweet words and gentle touches. That horrible man who she had thought was in love with her and would take care of her. The horrible man who locked her up in his dungeon and threatened to kill her brother if she didn't marry him. The horrible man who had been her first love and had broken her.

Edmund would always blame himself for what Rabadash had tried to do to her; would always say he should of protected her, kept her safe, stayed close to her and kept a closer eyes on the prince, if you could call him that. He had felt horrible for months. He should have seen it coming, should have never agreed to let her go in the first place although his blood ran cold at the thought of what he would have done to her if Edmund hadn't seen them and pulled the creep off of her. What he would have given to save her from the pain _that man _put her through.

But Susan would always blame herself for what happened to her. Her siblings hadn't liked _that man _from the second he stepped foot in the Cair. They had told her to be careful of him and not to let his sweet words blind her and go to her head. But she hadn't listened. Oh no, Queen Susan was too bloody proud to listen to them and had told them she could take care of herself and not to worry about her. And she was so, so horribly wrong and her people had paid for it with their lives.

People had lost their brothers, lovers, husbands, and sons because of her. Children grew up without fathers, women cried over their son's body and young girls lost their first loves because of her foolishness. She would never, ever forgive herself or stop seeing the blood of so many on her hands. Tears she had held in for months started pouring down her face in torrents. Deep sobs rocked her body and tore through her heart, guilt overpowering her sore heart.

All she could see in her head was that man standing over her, laughing his cruel laugh and jeering at her stupidity and the look on her little brothers face when he saw them. All she could hear were mothers, wives, daughters and lovers wailing over their loved ones bodies, sobbing deep gulping sobs that tore at her heart. And she wailed and screamed and cried along with them. She cried for her little brother who would never feel okay about himself again, she cried for her older brother who would always blame himself for not going himself or even allowing her to visit him in Calormen in the first place. She cried for the lives that had been lost and the children who would never see their fathers and for the mothers who would never kiss their husbands again.


	8. Exactly How It Should BE

"Su? Susan? Susan?Su are you in here? Please come out Susan, it's me, Lucy! Susan!Oh Caspian have you seen Susan? I can't find her anywhere-I'm a little worried about her. I haven't seen her since the meeting. I looked everywhere; the courtyard, the beach, her room, the bathroom, the sitting room, the kitchen, the library, everywhere. Have you seen her?" Lucy said running towards Caspian who was on his way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. She sounded a touch hysterical.

"No Lucy I haven't seen her since the… meeting." he said slowly. " I cannot believe the way that Lord Octavos spoke to her. How dare he question her judgment? How dare he hurt her like that? I swear, the next time I see that man he will not be so lucky. He _**will **_apologize," Caspian said threw gritted teeth, his fists clenching with anger.

Lucy nodded sadly. "I know. She's really upset. Edmund is furious. He's been ranting and raving and yelling about it all evening. It's a bit frightening really,'' Lucy shuddered. "And they try so hard not to think about it too…." she trailed off, her mind a million miles away.

There was a long pause. "I have read about her unfortunate trip to Tashbaan and the Prince attempting to keep her prisoner unless she agreed to marriage, but it has to be more than that that is upsetting her so. What-what really happened? I want to know," he said carefully. Lucy sighed miserably and stared down at the tile floor, gloomy tears glistening in her eyes. "We don't talk about it. It…hurts them too much." Lucy said sorrowfully. Another miserable sigh. "Well, if you find her, can you tell her to come up to my room please? I need to talk to her and make sure she's okay." She said quietly. Caspian nodded solemnly. "Of course." Lucy gave him a weak smile and slowly made her way back down the hallway while Caspian headed in the opposite direction towards the garden. Anything to clear his mind and keep him away from that idiot lord.

He was so sick of that man demeaning and undermining him but him undermining Susan was the last straw. He had also been the most insensitive and ruthless about him finding a wife and producing an heir. He would write the letter for his expulsion from the council in the morning. He didn't think he could control his anger if he ever saw that man again. Which is exactly who he ran into.

"Your majesty," a sarcastic nasal voice dripping with disdain called from behind him. Caspian's fists clenched and instantaneous rage coursed through his veins as he turned to meet the lord. "I hope you will pardon my outburst from this morning. That was very unorthodox of a man of my status," he said arrogantly as if the matter was of little importance.

Caspian whirled on him. "Unorthodox? You call disrespecting the greatest queen Narnia has ever seen and completely undermining her authority and leadership _unorthodox?_" he said angrily. "You do not EVER speak to her or any woman like that again, do you hear me? And you are going to apologize to Queen Susan publicly at the ball, understand? Do you understand me Octavos?" The older man narrowed his eyes in disgust.

Caspian turned on his heel and started walking back towards the garden to look for Susan. "Is that really necessary my king? She is just a silly little girl, no more than 17-" Caspian whipped around and landed a solid punch to the older lords jaw, sending him sprawling onto the stone floor in an undignified heap. The cocky man yelped in surprise and rubbed his bleeding jaw. "She is NOT just a girl. She is the queen of Narnia and I love her," he hissed as he resisted the urge to unsheathe his sword. "Leave. Now. Do you understand me? You are no longer welcome in my council or in this palace. I never want to see you in these hallways again. I have taken way too much from you and I am done." He growled at the man who scrambled to his feet, nodded stupidly and ran unsteadily back down the corridor, cursing Caspian's name as he went.

Caspian strolled through the courtyard still trying to control his ebbing anger at the lord. But it wasn't as much what he said that bothered him as the effect it had on her. The look on her face at the mention of the Calormen prince wouldn't leave his mind. She had just looked… heartbroken. Devastated. He had to know what could be so horrible as to _scare _her like that. He had an idea of what could upset her so but it was unthinkable...

As soon he set foot in the garden he instantly felt calmer. He loved the garden at the Cair. It was just so peaceful and beautiful, especially in the summer when Caspian escaped the gloomy Telmarine Castle and retreated to Cair Paravel where he could see the ocean, smell the flowers and just relax and think. Everything here was so different from the Telmarine Castle. Everything was brghter, softer, more cheerful.

The distraught king ran his hands threw his forever messy hair and sighed tensely. He slumped onto the west bench, closed his eyes and inhaled the smell of flowers and sweet Narnian air. He stopped and cracked open his eyes. In the distance he could make out a soft muffled cry. He stood up slowlyand listened hard for the sound. There it was again. The soft cry was now turning into a full blown sob echoing through the garden. His heart sank as he started off briskly towards the sob.

The heart-wrenching sob cascaded into a muffled wail and his steps quickened until he was running through the huge garden. The horrible crying was getting louder and louder and his heart started beating faster and barreled around the corner and finally found her. Sweet, gentle, queenly Susan slumped on the cold stone in front of a bench sobbing uncontrollably as if her heart would split in two. For a split second the more chivalrous side of him wondered if maybe he should go get Peter... but no. He wanted to be the one to make her tears stop. He had never seen the gentle queen cry and he was not liking it at all. His heart ached for her as he strode across the cold stone towards his love. She glanced up briefly at the sound of his boots on the path and then quickly hid her puffy face in her hands and drew her knees up to her chest, even more tears sliding down her red couldn't stand for him to see her like this, so weak and vulnerable.

"Oh Susan," he breathed as he crouched down beside her,put his hands on either side of her shoulders and pulled her to her feet slowly. He slid his hand softly under her chin and tilted her head upwards to look her in the face. Her blue eyes darted all around the garden as she tried not to look into those warm brown eyes. Her skin burned where his hands touched her took one look at his beautiful brown orbs and another tear leaked out of her stunningly blue eyes as she bowed her head in shame. He whipped the new tears away with his thumb and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her tightly and rocking her soothingly back and forth. Suddenly feeling uncharacteristically bold, he kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek on her dark curls.

"Please, please don't cry love. Nothing could be so bad. Dear heart please don't cry. Sweet, You're safe, everything is alright don't cry. Oh love please don't cry," He murmured into her dark curls.

_Sweet?Dear heart? Love?_ Susan reluctantly detached her head from his chest and looked up at his beautiful face. She was sure she looked anything but beautiful with her red cheeks, swollen puffy eyes and smeared makeup but Caspian was looking at her like she walked on water. Susan shivered as her eyes met his. Never in either of her lifetimes in both Narnia and England had she ever seen anything so beautiful as his dark warm had never seen that look in anyone's eyes before. She felt instant warmth flow through her body and a rosy blush creep up her neck. He really was perfect.

He whipped another tear away with his thumb and tenderly held her at arm's length. This was it. He had to tell her. It was now or never. He had to tell her how he felt when she had kissed him, how he felt when she walked through that portal, how dead and broken he felt without her in his life. There was a long heavy pause. Caspian took a deep breath and did his very best to look her straight in the eye.

"Susan I…I-I missed you. I missed you so much Susan, so much," he whispered. Susan's heart fluttered and she smiled through her tears. "I missed you too Caspian," she said quietly to his boots, (the understatement of the centruy) causing Caspian to grin happily and pulled her into him again; she was still trembling slightly from the awful pictures that still floated in the back of her mind. The two just stood there in eachother's arms, soaking eachother up and relishing in this moment. This one moment they had together. Another awkward, deadly pause.

"That day, at the portal… why did you kiss me?" he whispered in a shaky voice. Now Susan was really trembling. She pulled back carefully and sighed, throwning her hands up. "I don't know," she lied,"we were leaving I was scared and angry and upset and well, I...you..I- I really like you," she said weakly, shocked at her audaciousness. Her heart pounded like a drum insider her chest.

Caspian smiled. "I really like you too, love," he whispered, closing the space between them and sliding his hands down to her waist. Before he could stop himself or even think, he was kissing her. He was _kissing _her. And she was _letting _him. He felt himself grin into the kiss when Susan's hands wrapped around the back of his neck as she took a small step towards him. He pulled her closer. He had been imagining and dreaming of this moment for three long agonizing years and now it was actually happening and he had never felt so alive and whole in his entire life…

_He's kissing you! _A voice screamed in the back of Susan's mind. She had to be dreaming. She had had this dream a million times; in about 5 seconds Caspian was going to turn into a pile of dust and she was going to wake up in her boring room in England with Peter hovering over her bed shaking her shoulders. She waited and waited but nothing happened. Caspian didn't turn into a pile of dust; she wasn't in her room in England. This was really happening. The most handsome, gallant, chivalrous, kind, sweet, fun, loving man she had ever met was kissing her. The man she loved was kissing her. Maybe she was just imagining it but when she was there in the sweet smelling garden underneath the shining moon, she felt this huge weight lift off of her shoulders. She could almost feel the intense searing pain that had become part of her slowly melting away...

The couple finally broke apart, grinning from ear to ear. Caspian leaned his forehead against hers and merely stroked her cheek gently and stared into her beautiful eyes. The torturous, burning pain that had lived in his heart since he was 17 was slowly starting to fade into something he hadn't felt in three and a half- years; happiness. Joy. Excitement. Passion. Love. And as they stood there looking into each others eyes they couldn't help thinking this was exactly how it was supposed to be.

* * *

><p><strong>author's note: yay the plot begins! (and yes i do have a plan for this fanfic, not just pointless fluff)i know i know super short but it just seemed right. i threw that punch in there just for you guys;) let me know what you think. was it sweet or just crap? i hope it's not too cliche! please let me know what you think! i am TOTALLY open for suggestions.<strong>


	9. Sisters

Susan couldn't stop smiling as she and Caspian walked through the garden up to their chambers, fingers twined together. Her heart had been broken for so long and now she could finally _smile._ She finally had a reason to smile. The wonderful, amazing, perfect guy she loved had just kissed her and told her he had missed her and hadn't forgotten about her. She couldn't wipe the ridiculous smile off her face every time she saw Caspian holding her hand out of the corner of her eye or the outrageously handsome king staring down at her with an equally ridiculous smile on his face.

All too soon they arrived at the hallway branching off to Lucy and Susan's rooms and Edmund and Peter's room down the other hall. They stopped in the middle of the hallway, still squeezing each others hands and smiling ridiculously.

"When can we be together like this again?" Caspian said softly. Susan smiled; how many times she had heard that exact phrase in her daydreams she cared not to admit. "Well I suppose I'll see you at breakfast, Lunch, in the corridors, the ball tomorrow night…" she said ticking them off on her fingers. Caspian laughed and bent down to kiss her softly, sending a thrill through her entire body. Susan laughed.

"What?" Caspian said in an injured tone. "Peter would be so angry if he saw us," Susan explained loftily. Caspian's face paled a little and a look of panic crossed his face. "Perhaps I should have asked for his permission…" "No, No he just has an 'overprotective disorder' that's all," she explained as she stretched up on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. His fear of Peter and his 'overprotective disorder' was instantly forgotten. "Goodnight my queen. I will see you at breakfast, lunch, in the corridors, at the ball…" he quoted. Susan giggled. "Goodnight." Caspian kissed her hand and reluctantly started down the hallway to his bedroom. "Oh, I almost forgot. Lucy wants you to go see her," he called over his shoulder merrily.

Susan floated on cloud nine over to her bedroom and collapsed in a fit of excited giggles. The. Best. 25 minutes. Ever. She still couldn't stop smiling as she pulled out a soft long-sleeved shirt and pair of pants she stole from her brothers' rooms out of her drawer. She would never admit it but she loved wearing her brothers' clothes. They were _so_ much more soft and comfortable than those stupid frilly long nightgowns that were considered "proper" for a queen.

After quickly washing her face and scraping her hair back into a messy bun at the top of her head she slipped on a fuzzy robe and tip-toed back to her little sister's room.

She was just about to knock on Lucy's heavy door when it suddenly swung open and smacked her square in the nose. She screamed and stumbled backward, holding her bloody nose as a very startled Lucy screamed at the top of her lungs and slapped her hands over her mouth. "Oh my gosh, Susan! Don't scare me like that! I was just on my way to get Peter to look for you! Where on earth have you been? I was worried sick-oh Su your nose! I'm so sorry are you ok? Do you need some ice?" she babbled worriedly.

"Oh ow, goodness Lu! Ow, I'm fine," Susan said through her bloody nose. "Here let me see it. Ooh, let me go get you some ice. You wait here and I will be right back," and with that Lucy took off down the hall towards the kitchen.

Five minutes later Lucy scampered into her room and plopped herself down on her comfy bed next to her sister. "Here you go sister dear, one nice cold ice pack for the spot you're darling little sister maimed your face with a door," she said cheerfully. Susan mumbled her thanks as she pressed the cold ice-pack to her throbbing nose. "Thanks," she mumbled through her watery eyes and bloody nose.

"So, Su. Where have you been?" Lucy said trying (and failing horribly) to sound casual. Susan smiled radiantly at the memory of the last half-hour of her life (minus the crying and broken nose). She carefully peeled the ice pack off her bruised nose and set it on the nightstand with a flourish."Well….."

Susan had resolved never to tell anyone about her and Caspian in the garden and to keep it their little secret but she just couldn't resist her sister's eager willingness to listen. She was so ecstatic and happy the whole story just came tumbling out at once. She talked and talked for almost forty-five minutes; she just couldn't stop. Lucy's eyes got wider and wider as Susan continued her story. Susan finally finished her fairytale ending in a big gust of air and waited breathlessly for Lucy to say something. She paused and caught her breathe.

Lu? Lucy? Say something," she said anxiously. "I. Am. So. HAPPY for you!" Lucy finally squealed as she threw her arms around Susan's neck and hopped onto her lap. She clapped her hands excitedly. "Ooh Su, Caspian is _lovely_, so kind and sweet and brave and courteous! I am SO happy for you Su. And it was about time too! Seriously, Edmund was considering telling Caspian to just man up and kiss you already!" Susan's eyes widened, horrified. And why was it she could see Edmund doing just that at the breakfast table? She shuddered and turned her attention back onto the ball of energy perched on her lap.

Lucy's face suddenly lit up. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder as she slid off of Susan's lap and scampered off down to the kitchen for the second time that night. A few minutes later Lucy came charging back into her room and bounced onto the bed, holding a mouth-watering apple pie triumphantly in her hands.

Susan's blue eyes immediately lit up as she spotted the pie. She and Lucy clinked spoons and immediately dug into the enticing pie as if they hadn't eaten in weeks. They gossiped and laughed for hours like they hadn't done for years. They talked about love and life and all the wonderful days of the golden age. Despite their age difference the two sisters were very close but leaving Narnia had certainly taken a toll on their relationship. Susan stopped taking Lucy shopping and listening to her endless enthusiastic rambles about every part of her day. Lucy stopped listening to Susan's complicated problems about friends, boys and school and stopped having sleepovers in Susan's room. They were actually talking for the first time in almost a year and a half. In about two hours the pie pan was filled with nothing but crumbs and the two sisters snuggled up together in Lucy's bed, various sweets and cakes strewn about the floor.

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Oh come on Edmund. Pleeeease?"

"No Lu! I'm not going. And I am NOT, repeat NOT wearing _that," _Edmund retorted with an accusing point at the scarlet dress shirt and black Telmarine style pants hanging menacingly on the back of the tailor's door.

"Edmund, it's a ball honoring our return. _You have to go,"_ Susan called from behind the changing room in the corner. Edmund rolled his eyes and pulled a fabulous face at the screen.

"I am not wearing _that thing_. I look like the cupcake Peter sat on when he met that Archenlandian princess." The girls couldn't help giggle. "Yes, nothing says prince charming like red and gold frosting all over your pants," Lucy joked.

"This is so very not funny Lucy Pevensie," Edmund said darkly. "Have you seen that thing? Awful." "Oh come on Ed, if I have to get all dolled up so do you," Susan said as she stepped out from behind the dressing room. Lucy sucked in a breath. Even Edmund was at loss for words.

Susan raised an eyebrow. "What?" she said genuinely confused at their uncharacteristic silence. "Wow. You look absolutely perfect, as always," Lucy finally mumbled unenthusiastically as she snatched her own dress off the chair, pushed past Susan and ducked behind the changing screen. Susan looked at Edmund, bewildered. Edmund merely shrugged and hastily stood up. "I'm just gonna… go now,'' he said as he practically ran out the door to find Peter and Caspian.

Susan's brow furrowed. "Lucy? Are you ok? What was that all about?" she asked tentatively as she walked slowly towards the dressing room. Lucy tore the curtain open and angrily and shouldered her way past her utterly confused sister, a few angry tears trickling down her cheeks. "Wait Lucy, what's wrong?" the older girls said as she grabbed her little sister's wrist and twirled her around so they were face to face. Lucy stared down at her fancy high heels as more tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'll never be as beautiful as you, Susan. You've always been 'the pretty one' and I will always just be invisible compared to you. Always. "

"Lucy I'm not beauti-"

"Oh don't give me that Su. There's not a man that has ever met you that didn't think so. EVERYONE who meets you is immediately _smitten. _Everyone loves you instantly."

Lucy paused and sighed. "One look. Do you know what I would give for one look that Caspian gives you?" Susan started to protest but Lucy cut her off. "You haven't seen the way he looks at you Susan. He is totally crazy about you. How could he not be? You're the most beautiful queen there has ever been. And I'm just the ugly duckling and that's all I'll ever be," Lucy finished. She tried so hard not to be jealous of Susan but she couldn't help it. She had felt horribly, horribly guilty about giving into her jealousy on the Dawn Treader but she was so sick of playing second fiddle to her unworldly beautiful sister.

Lucy clenched her fists and waited for her older sister to give her the self-confidence-you're-beautiful-in -your-own-way-speech. Susan just stood in shocked silence, staring at her little sister. No matter how many times she heard it from her parents, their friends, suitors and even her brothers, she had never considered herself beautiful; she just didn't see it. Sure she wasn't _unhappy _with her appearance but she certainly didn't think of herself as uncommonly beautiful. Her hair didn't curl perfectly, her skin wasn't flawlessly clear and soft, and her body definitely seemed to have a mind of its own.

"Lucy…. I'm not beautiful. You don't know how beautiful you are. Do you know how many times I've wished for your hair or your smile? People come alive when they meet you Lucy. You're so full of life and happy all the time and people see that and love you instantly. EVERYONE loves you Lucy and not because of your eyes or you face or your hair and I would kill for that. You will always be the favorite of mother, the court, all our friends, even our own brother," she added sadly.

Of course she knew that Peter loved her but she had always been insanely jealous of her and Peter's relationship; it was painfully obvious that Lucy was Peter's favorite. He was always so sweet and affectionate and _brotherly _towards Lucy in a way he had never been with Susan; even when they were little. She quickly blinked the tears out of her eyes and refocused on her little sister's tears.

"You're only 13 but people listen to you Lucy. All people see when they look at me is my hair or my face but no boy has EVER tried to actually get to know me or heaven forbid talk about something other than me. And you don't know how lucky you are that pervious suitors aren't constantly flocking around you. Don't tell the boys but do have any idea how many times I have had to make excuses to excuse overly…eager suitors to leave court. It is certainly no blessing. And after hundreds of pompous, arrogant, stupid, rude suitors I finally found a man who actually has a brain, listens to me, and actually _tries _to talk to me and get to know the real me," she finished quietly. Lucy sniffed and whipped her tears away, not bothering to make an argument against her older sister.

Susan's eyes filled with sisterly love. She sighed melodramatically."Come here," she said throwing her arms out wide. Lucy grinned and hugged her sister tightly, a grin spreading across her face. They pulled away from each other. Susan steered Lucy over to the mirror in the opposite corner of the room and sat Lucy down in the cushy chair.

"Now, let's fix your hair for the ball."

**Authors note: Ugh. Sorry I haven't updated for a while! Writers block. Plus this is just a filler chapter anyway til I can figure out how to get my plot going. I've spent a lot of time on Susan's relationship with her brothers so I thought it was time for some sister fluff plz plz review and let me know what you think. If you have any plot ideas, tips, or suggestion PLEASE feel free to let me know.**


	10. Of Waltzing and Brothers

"There. Perfect! You look absolutely wonderful Lucy. Now just look at how beautiful you are? Certainly you will be the bell of the ball tonight!" Susan said proudly as she put her hands on Lucy's shoulders and twirled her around in her chair to face the mirror. After their little discussion, Susan had absolutely insisted the ladies in waiting take the night off getting themselves ready for the ball and joining in the festivities. The ladies were quite pleasantly surprised at the turn of events and hurried off to their quarters to get ready, gossiping girlishly about this guard and that stable hand.

Susan had been bustling about in her under things for the last hour, adding a little rogue there, a little eyeliner there and pining and twisting her sister's long curls till her scalp ached. She wanted so badly for her sister to see how beautiful she really was and when Susan got an idea in her head regarding her family, watch out. It had taken nearly an hour but Susan had finally pinned the last curl in place, buttoned the last button and Lucy was ready. She stepped back and admired her work alongside Lucy, who merely touched her face and hair as if in a dream. Lucy really was a masterpiece.

Somehow Susan had managed to weave beautiful beads and pearls through her wavy hair and twist Lucy's fiery orange locks up in a messy bun at the top of her head and. Long tendrils of perfectly curls framed her cheerful face. She put on just enough makeup to really make Lucy sparkle and show off her natural beauty but not enough to make Peter have a heart attack. Lucy's dress was beautiful, soft sea foam green with long, lacy sleeves trailing just past her elbows. Sparkling white embroidered flowers and designs dotted the full skirt of her dress that hugged her torso slightly and flared just a little at her narrow hips and trailed down to the floor in soft waves. Lucy was a vision. The bubbly youn queen was rendered speechless by her laughed her merry twinkling laugh and hugged Lucy from behind. "You're welcome you silly little goose.'' Susan glanced at the clock and took a double take.

"Goodness it's nearly six o'clock! We should already be greeting the guests! Edmund is not going to be very happy if we aren't down there in about thirty seconds. Come on Lucy hurry let's go, get your shoes on." She said as she snatched her crown off the bed and hastily threw it on her head. She jabbed a pair of earrings through her ear lobes and threw the door open. She was half-way down the hallway when she heard Lucy's uncontrollable giggle. "Aren't you going to put some clothes on Su?" she said as she poked her head through the door and pointed to Susan's dress sprawled out on the bed. Her grin widened "I'm sure Caspian would have no problem with it but I'm pretty sure Peter wouldn't be too happy if you showed up to the ball in you without any real clothes on..." Susan immediately looked down and blushed furiously as she scurried back into her room and shut the door behind her quickly.

Lucy stifled a giggle as Susan ducked her head in embarrassment and plucked the gorgeous dress off the bed. Lucy smiled apologetically "Here, let me help you with your corset. I am _so glad _I don't have to wear one of those yet. They're ghastly. "Susan stuck her tongue out at Lucy.

"Just you wait Lucy, just you wait."

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><p>"Where are those girls? They were supposed to be down here twenty minutes ago!" Peter seethed to Caspian. "This is breakfast all over again," Edmund moaned as yet another lord and lady were announced. Their cheeks were starting to burn from smiling at all the subjects. They had been announced almost a half-hour ago and now they were forced to greet nearly 300 important courtiers on their own while waiting for the girls.<p>

"How can it possibly take this long to put on a dress? It can't be _that _complicated,'' the youngest king whined, tugging mutinously at his collar. Peter sighed melodramatically and turned to his brother and frienemy. "It's not just the dress Edmund; first you have to do your hair in twenty different styles, even though you're just going to end up wearing it down anyway, then you have to pick out a lipstick that matches your eyes, then you have to find eye makeup that doesn't clash with your dress, then you have to pick out shoes and make sure your earrings match, then you have to tie you're dress so tight you can't breathe…and then you hate it and have to start all over again" Caspian and Edmund laughed so hard they almost fell over.

However, they all immediately stopped laughing as the trumpets blared and a loud, deep voice rang across the ballroom. "Announcing her royal majesty Queen Lucy the Valiant." The room shook with thunderous applause as a very happy Lucy glanced around shyly and made her way down the stairs. All three kings took a step back and blinked rapidly. When had _that_ happened? Of course, the three kings always thought Lucy looked nice but tonight she looked… stunning. She stopped in front of them and twirled happily. "Well? What do you think?" she asked, glee dancing in her eyes."Wow... you look...just.. wow. You look really pretty Lu," Peter finally said as he hugged his little sister who laughed merrily and moved on to hug Edmund and Caspian.

"Wait til you see Susan. She was pretty excited, especially after her walk in the garden." she whispered knowingly to Caspian with a mischievous smile. Caspian's eyes widened and his face turned a spectacular shade of red as his head jerked down to look at the giggling queen. "How did you know about that?" he demanded. Lucy only laughed and put a hand on her brother- in- all -but- blood's arm "Susan's my _siste_r Caspian; I have my ways. Don't worry, I won't tell Peter;I'd actually like you to be alive while we're here." Caspian was just about to respond when once again he was cut off by the obnoxious trumpeter and the announcer.

He never did hear Lucy's fabulous comment about his redness, for that was that moment the doors were thrown open and a collective gasp from every man in the room filled the air. He had never seen anything so... dazzlingly _beautiful_. He couldn't even find the words to describe her she was so breathtaking.

Her soft dark brown hair settled around her bare shoulders and tumbled down nearly to her waist in long loose waves, her golden crown perched neatly on the top of her head. Her dress was the most beautiful shade of lavender imaginable and hugged her body in all the right places. The off the shoulder dress swooped in to a moderate v-neck, (Caspian had to try very hard to focus on her face) and hugged her curvy torso all the way down to her hips where it flared out and tumbled down in soft waves that swirled around her legs with every move. Sparkling, deep purple embroidery and designs danced across the bodice of her dress, as well as the lace sleeves, crawling up her arms and across her back. Professor Cornelius always told stories of Queen Susan's legendary beauty and how she was rumored to be the most beautiful woman in the world but Caspian could never believed it until he had actually met her. He couldn't even speak as he watched breathlessly as she glided over to her brothers and sisters.

The speechless Telmarine king watched stupidly as she hugged both of her brothers and laughed her merry twinkling laugh and blushed at something Edmund said (probably about the way every man in the room was drooling). She stopped in front of the stunned Caspian expectantly. Try as he might, he couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. Susan only laughed as Caspian fumbled around with his words, trying to find something charming and non-idiotic to say. Giving up on telling her how beautiful she looked, with a huge grin on his face he took a step towards her and reached his hand up to cup the side of her face and just started to lean down to kiss her but caught Peter's furious, wide eyed death-glare out of the corner of his eye and quickly reared his head back, dropped his hand in mid-air and quickly took a huge step away from Susan. He was suddenly very aware of the sword on Peter's hip.

Susan looked at him puzzled and slightly hurt but then caught her older brother's furious expression and immediately sighed and rolled her eyes at him. Hiding his evident blush, Caspian quickly bent down and kissed her hand politely, not daring to look at the high-strung older brother he knew would quite enjoy personally punching him in the face. Caspian hadn't really done anything wrong but whenever Susan was around, the looks Peter gave him made him feel somewhat..._ashamed _of himself. He could feel Peter's eyes buring holes in the back of his head while they greeting the never ending list of guests.

Luckily, the music started playing and it was time for the royals to begin the festivities with the first dance before Peter could get a hold of Caspian. The five rulers all made their ways onto the dancefloor to begin the traditional first dance. Edmund offered Lucy his hand immediatlely and the two curtseyed and bowed politely, winking at Caspian over their shoulders. Caspian could feel his heart beating faster along with the music at the thought of finally dancing with Susan after all those horrible years without her. His heart beat quickened and he started walking towards her confidently, still smiling. Just as her was about to offer her his hand Peter swooped in out of nowhere and cut right inbetween the two, grabbing hold of Susan's waist right as the music started up and started twirling her across the dancefloor, leaving Caspain to stand there stupidly in the middle of the dancefloor without a partner. It was Caspian's turn to glare at Peter.

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><p>Caspian watched Susan twirling across the dancefloor over the rim of his cup; infatuated. They had been back for almost three and a half weeks already and a thrill of elation still shot up his spine every time he looked at her, which was embarrassingly often. He really just couldn't take his eyes off of her, much like every other man in the room, he thought angrily. So many other bloody lords and embassadors and knights had asked her to dance this evening that he hadn't even had the chance to speak to her all night, all though he hadn't let her out of his sight for one moment to make sure all the lords treated her right and kept their hands to themselves. Susan looked calm and like she was enjoying herself on the outside but he could tell something was bothering her very much while she danced with some Calormen ambassador. She had this apprehensive, nervous, almost wild look in her eye and her clear blue eyes kept darting discreetly down to the respectful hand on her waist although she kept a diplomatic face.<p>

He immediatly bristled and slammed his wine down on the table. He wasn't liking this at all. He looked a bit closer. The young man seemed to be very kind, polite and didn't _seem _to be being rude at all. In fact, he had spoken to the man not an hour about how appalled he was at the treatment of women in Calormene for the last 1200 years and how determined he was to fix the twisted system from the inside out now that he was embassador. He quite liked this man but clearly something was making Susan very umcomfortable.

"Having fun mate?" his best friend asked jovially as he plopped down in the chair next to him and propped his feet up on the edge of table. Caspian merely gave Edmund a dirty look. "Ah, you're peeved cause that Calormene embassador or whoever he is is stealing my sister away from you eh? Don't worry Cas, soon enough you'll have my sister all to yourself again," the dark haired king teased. Caspian glared at him once more. "She's not a trophy," he growled, drinking deeply from his cup. "I couldn't agree more," he replied sullenly and for the first time Caspian saw the many years Edmund had lived longer than himself but in a blink it was gone.

Edmund elbowed Caspian in the ribs, "Go cut in"

"I can't! That would be extremely... rude and... impolite and...rude"

"So? This is you castle, your country, your love; he can wait. " Caspian stood up and set his wine down again. ''You know what, you're right. I'll be right back." he said with a grin as he strode across the dancefloor and politely tapped the embassador on the shoulder and smoothly cut in. Susan's anxiety and nervousness instantly melted away and was replaced by warmth and joy. "I thought you would never come," she said with a huge smile and a suggestion of a laugh. "I'm sorrylove but I was waiting til I was out of reach of your brother's fist" he countered cheekily as he wrapped a his arm tenderly around her waist and pulled her close so she was pressed against his chest. She threw her head back and laughed her beautiful melodious laugh. He decided he quite liked that sound and wanted to hear it much more often.

"Ugh, it's this whole over-protective alpha-male thing. I'm surprised he hasn't been following me around. I swear somedays he just won't let me out of his _sight. _It's maddening."

Caspian laughed heartily as he twirled Susan across the dancefloor and pulled her back into him smoothly. She sighed happily and rested her head on his shoulder as the song slowed down, sending a shudder through his body. "You are so beautiful Susan," he whispered into her hair. She stopped dancing and twisted up to look up at Caspian's smiling face. She softly traced his jaw and ghosted her fingers through his hair. "I missed you so,so much,'' he whisperd again as he pulled her even closer and kissed her softly. Her fingers twined through his hair while the other wrapped around his neck. He pressed his palm to the small of her back and gently tipped her head up to deepen the kiss, not caring whether Peter or Edmund was watching (they werent, thank Aslan) and held his one true love perhaphs too closeclose to him, her soft dress swishing against his legs and curling aroun his feet. He eventually pulled back and grabbed her hand leaving the other around her waist and started swaying from side to side across the dancefloor. The song had long ended and a faster song was starting up but they didn't care and just swayed back and forth across the dance floor, their hearts fluttering and their spines tingling. If this was how it felt to be in love, happily ever after may just be in reach.

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><p><strong>Oh my gosh i am SO SO sorry for the long wait! this chapter is kinda short but hopefully its the last filler chapter before i can get this plot up and running.:) kinda lacking in the Suspian department. well school is out for me in 2 days so i will be able to spend most of my time writing to my heart's content! i can't wait! plz review and let me know what you think <strong>


	11. Of Sweet Kings and Silly Brothers

Susan blinked rapidly as orange sunshine filtered in through her open window. She was utterly, completely, totally exhausted. Her legs and feet were still screaming for relief. She hadn't sat out a single dance last night at the ball and had finally turned in at nearly one forty-five in the morning, no where near the end of the celebrations (those lords and ambassadors sure had a lot of energy). She groaned groggily and flopped onto her side, a smile spreading across her lips at the sight of the white roses Caspian had given her last night for no reason at all after escorting her to her chambers and giving her a quick good night kiss. She slept with a smile on her face all through the night. Caspian really was too perfect.

Soon enough she heard the water running and Lucy's loud, annoyingly cheerful singing in the bathtub. With an enormous sigh, she jammed her pillow over her ears and yanked the covers over her head. No matter how late she stayed up, Lucy was ALWAYS up by six forty five at the latest. Curse Lucy and her positive early bird attitude.

After a half hour of laying in bed, Susan decided sleep now was clearly not going to happen and flipped her covers back and slid on her fuzzy slippers and bathrobe. With a yawn and a groan, she stumbled across the room and flung open the door. She screamed when she felt the door smack something solid with a loud crack.

"Oww bloody hell Su! Ah, ouch that really hurt, ow...what did I ever do to you?" Peter whined, his hands flying to his bleeding nose. Susan put her hand over heart "Peter! Don't scare me like that! Oh are you alright? I'm so sorry let me see," she said with maternal annoyance as she carefully pried her brother's hands from his nose and inspected the rather large purple bruise blossoming in the center of his face. "I was going to knock but instead you smacked me in the face with a door!"

"How was I supposed to know you were standing out there Peter; I can't read your mind," she retorted irratably. She grabbed her brother's hand and let him down the hallway to the family's private living room where they spent most of their free time. "Wait here I'll go get some ice," she called over her shoulder as she dashed down to the kitchen for said ice.

A few minutes later she hurried into the family room and pressed the makeshift ice pack to Peter's swollen nose. He winced audibly and grabbed her leg but Susan ignored him and only pressed harder. She motioned for Peter to hold the ice pack as she got up and started a fire in the massive fireplace, filling the cozy room with warmth and light. She plopped back down on the couch opposite Peter "So, what were doing at my door so early in the morning anyway brother?" she said with a teasing smile.

Peter sighed and set the icepack on the coffee table (ignoring his sister's reproachful glare) and sighed nervously. "We need to talk...," he studied her face and then continued bravely on, ''about you and Caspian.''

Susan's blue eyes hardened and she threw her hands up with an exasperated sigh "Here we go again, Peter! How many times do I have to tell you-"

"I saw you two last night... at the ball... and I don't like it," he said with gritted teeth, obvious anger creeping into his voice. Fire burned in Susan's eyes but Peter was angrier and more stubborn," I mean, he's _three years _older than you Su and he's a-a- bloody- BOY! Susan, and you know how they can be..." he trailed of meaningfully.

"For Aslan's sake Peter, Caspian is _**NOTHING**_ like _he_ was! How could you even think that way? Don't you want me to be _happy?" _she yelled louder than she intended, springing to her feet and clenching her fists.

A hurt look crossed Peter's face as he jumped up to come face to face with his seething sister. "Of _COURSE _I want you to be happy Susan! I want that more than anything in the world but I don't want you to get _hurt!" _he screamed back.

"The only one hurting me is you Peter!Caspian would never hurt me. Why do you hate Caspian so much huh? What in Aslan's name did he do to make you hate him so much?"

"He went after my sister that's what! And I don't _hate _him; I hate the idea of him putting his hands all over my little sister!" the venom in his voice surprised both parties.

Susan was so angry she couldn't even speak for a moment and for a second Peter thought she was going to hit him.

"He doesn't put his hands all over me in the first place!You _know _Caspian; he's never been anything but a gentleman to me." she yelled back at him. "See I don't know that Susan. I have to _know. _And he sure didn't look like a gentleman to me when he was sticking his tongue in your mouth last night now did he!" Peter screamed at the top of his lungs, his hands trembling. He was sure the king of Archenland could hear him but he didn't care.

Susan paused and sighed deeply. "Do you remember what you said to me the day my first suitor came to the Cair to ask for my hand?" Peter shook his head slowly."You came into my room in the middle of the night and you said to me "don't ever do anything that you would be ashamed to tell me or Edmund about" Do you remember that?" Peter merely stared down at his shoes, reliving the most awkward talk of his life.

"Caspian is a _good guy_ . You _know_ me Peter, and I swear on my life I've kept my promise to you. Why can't you just trust us? Why can't you just -". This was too much for the high-strung king. He grabbed his hair with both hands and resisted the urge to hit something.

"I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!" he screamed as he grabbed Susan by the shoulders a gave her a little shake. She reared her head back slightly and her eyes widened. He sighed and bowed his head. "I can't. Not again.'' he paused and ran his hands roughly over his face. "Last time we left... you were so dead Susan, so... broken. You wouldn't talk. Ever. You wouldn't go to parties with me even though you knew everyone there, wouldn't invite friends over, you wouldn't even talk to _Lucy_. You were so hurt and it _scared_ me , it scared me so much. I was so afraid you were going to stop eating or get hit by a car while moping around town or something. And our time here isn't guaranteed. I don't want you to get close to him and then have to leave. I can't watch you go through that again Su, I really can't. I don't ever want to see you hurt like that again.I don't want to lose you again." He finished quietly, agony written all over his face.

Susan bowed her head in shame and stared at Peter's boots. She was beginning to feel very small. She could feel the hot tears sticking in her throat as she reached up and touched Peter's face. He looked up at her with his sea green eyes which she could instantly tell were dull not with anger, but with fear. Without another word Peter pulled her into a fierce hug, suffocating her in his broad chest. "I'm sorry Susan. I know you really like him and I know he makes you happy but I...just don't want you to get hurt again. I've let you get hurt too many times and I just don't ever want to see you like that again. I love you too much to let you get hurt." he finished in a whisper, pulling back slightly.

"No Peter, I'm sorry. I know you're only like this because you care and all you've ever done is try to protect me but I never listened."she said in a very small voice. Peter smiled weakly and put an arm around her shoulders and gently steered her to the door. "I just want you to be happy Susan."

"But I am happy. Caspian makes me _so happy _Peter. I've never been so happy in my whole life, never. And don't think I haven't considered the possiblility of having to go back. Trust me Peter, I have. Every night I see that day we had to leave and having to go through all that again. But the thing is Peter, whether we have to go back or not, I got a second chance. And i have to take it. I can't push him away because I'm afraid of getting hurt, like I did last time. I can't give up my last chance Peter. Please, please let me have this."

Peter said nothing. What could he say? No Susan I want you to give up your last chance of ever being happy because I didn't like the way he kissed you? Yeah right; that would go over well. Instead he just gave her one last hug, kissed her forehead and stalked back down to his own room, his brain thumping against his skull. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>Susan wondered back down the hallway to her room, lost in thought. All she could see was the lost, agonized look in Peter's eyes. It wouldn't get out of her head. She was so confused. She had never felt so angry with her brother before but it was only because she knew he was right. If Aslan sent them back to England after getting so close to Caspian, she knew she wouldn't be able to take it. She couldn't even begin to imagine living without Caspian after spending so much time with him and knowing how he felt about her. She stopped.<em>Did<em> she know how Caspian reallyfelt?

She rounded the corner and was shocked to see Caspian standing in front of her door with his fist poised to knock on her door. Susan somehow got the impression he had been standing there for quite some time, deciding whether to knock or not. Upon hearing footsteps, Caspian whirled around and blushed furiously when he saw the exact person he had been hoping to talk to standing two feet behind him. "Oh, Susan I was just umm... I was just uhhhh... coming to get you. You weren't at breakfast this morning so I thought I'd better come check on you to make sure you were alright..." he babbled nervously, grower redder and redder by the word. Susan threw her head back and laughed openly about his nervousness and grabbed his chin to press a light kiss to his lips. "Wanted to make sure I was alright huh? Who are you, my father?'' she joked, extracting a huge grin from the handsome king.

"Actually, I was hoping that you would join me for a little walk on the beach this afternoon," he said with an even bigger smile on his face. Susan blushed and smiled up at him. "Of course, I would love to. Just let me get dressed and I will meet you in the family room." She said softly as she stretched up to kiss his cheek and disappeared into her bedroom to change.

* * *

><p>Moments later Susan and Caspian were strolling leisurely down the warm beach, their fingers twined together and their arms gently brushing from shoulder to hip. The sun was right in the middle of the clear blue sky and the soft breeze blew their hair across their faces playfully. It was just like the first day they had been found themselves in Narnia after the bombing. Susan stopped in her tracks. The bombing. She hadn't even thought about it for weeks. It all came flooding back to her in a moment. The boys in the diner, Peter's note in her purse, the incredible force of the bombs slamming into buildings, the bomb hurtling straight towards the three people she loved more than anything. Besides her parents that is. She sucked in a breath. Her parents. What had happened to her parents? How long had it been back in England? Was the war over? Had the Allie won? Had her mother been away in the country taking care of wounded troops or at home waiting for her children? And what about her father? Was he alive? Had he been killed, or worse, captured? The thought of <em>anyone <em>in the clutches of an enemy as evil as the Nazis made her blood run cold. It was the hottest part of the _summer_ but she was shivering uncontrollably.

Caspian immediately stopped walking, the grin disappearing from his face. "Are you alright love? You're shaking, what's wrong?" he asked, concern leaking out of his mouth. Words came tumbling out of Susan like a raging waterfall. She told about the boys at the dinner (Caspian did not react to that well at all), the bombs, the screaming, the smell of death. Everything from that day came pouring out of her, from her moment with Edmund to shoving her siblings as far away from her as possible.

Caspian listened attentively and with his whole self from start to finish, never interrupting once (not even to ask what a diner or a bomb was).He brushed the hair out of her lovely face, stroking her pale cheeks with the back of his hand until she calmed down slightly. She was going to cry and that was the one thing he would NOT stand for; seeing her cry. He couldn't _stand_ it. (Susan was the type of sweet, beautiful girl that gave any _decent _man the immediate urge to protect and never let anything hurt. And as many of you would know, the sight of someone you love's tears fills you with a multidinous disgust of anything that could cause that loved one pain).

His heart clenched when she looked up at him with those big blue tear-filled eyes and he carefully tucked a rebellious lock of dark hair behind her ear and wrapped his arms around her in a warm almost bone crushing hug. Really, it was just as much a comfort to him as it was to her. She loosely wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his shoulder, drinking him in. He had this amazing effect on her and as soon as she felt his arms around her, all her pains and worries seemed to just wash away.

After a while, Caspian finally spoke up as he idily played with her hair "That was a very brave choice, sacrificing your own safety for that of your siblings." Susan pulled her head of his shoulder, a confused look on her face. "When you're an inch away from watching your family being blown to bits right before your eyes, you don't have any choices. How could you run, how could you hide if doing so would hurt someone you love? If your life is all you have to give, how could you not give it? If it would save someone you love?" She didn't sound offended, just genuinely confused as to how anyone could even think about their own safety when that of a loved one was at stake. (A:N: yes i am quoting breaking dawn. don't judge).

Caspian's brow furrowed. "I suppose I never thought of it that way before. That's very true. I can't even imagine letting something hurt you without trying to stop it. How could you think of anything but the safety of the woman you love if-" his eyes widened, panicked. Stupid, stupid, stupid STUPID! How could he have said that! he thought to himself. What an idiot! He had no idea if Susan loved him or not and here he was, throwing around the L word like a moron.

Susan's pulse quickened and her spine started to tingle. "What did you just say?"

Caspian tookk a deep breath. There was no turning back now. He had been dying to tell her for three years and now here was his chance. He took both of her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes. "I love you Susan Pevensie. I loved you from the moment I saw you that day in the woods and no matter what happens, I will love you until the day I die...and after." he said, the truth of his words seeping into Susan's brain. Her heart lept out of her chest and her brain felt like it was on fire she was so happy.

"I love you too Caspian." she said finally, her voice dripping with adoration and happiness. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud. Caspian smiled down at her with so much joy and love that she knew instantly he meant every word that had just came out of his smiling mouth. "I was terrified you didn't feel the same way," the euphoric king confessed at last, positively beaming.

Susan threw her head back and laughed wholeheartedly for the first time all day. "How could I not love you? You're wonderful." She laughed to herself. Wonderful? Boy _tha_t was the understatement of the century! Cas[ian's smile widened and for a moment he vaguely wondered if your heart could physically burst from happiness.

Susan took a step towards him and placed one hand over his heart and the other on the back of his neck. "I love you so much," she whispered as she closed the distance between them and slammed her lips into his. His hand instinctively found her waist as the other ran through her hair. He pulled her even closer (if that was even possible) and grinned into the kiss as she pressed her hand to his thumping heart and slid her hand up to the side of his face. And as they shared that one perfect moment together, they couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, all those nights of intense, agonizing pain was worth this.

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><p>Authors note: <strong>Plz review, let me know what you think! i PROMISE that things will DEFINETLY speed up next chapter! i have been waiting forever to finally write the next chapter and i am totally physched to write it so hopeful i will get that up soon, considering i've written it in my head about twenty five times;) hope y'all like it!<strong>


	12. Visitor

Susan and Caspian strolled casually into the dining room hours later, absently holding hands with smiles a mile wide stretched across their faces. Caspian pulled out her chair for her and strode past a rather angry looking Peter to his usual chair at the head of the table across from Peter. "What have you two been up to today? Haven't seen you all morning," Lucy said cheerfully as the couple sat down. Edmund stifled his laughter at the sudden look of panic on their faces at the innocent question. And was he mistaken or did Susan look _guilty_? "Yes, what have you been up to this morning Su? I haven't seen you since this morning when I came looking for you," Peter said frigidly, a look of disgust creeping into his countenance. She was looking much too guilty for his liking. Susan lowered her eyes from her brother and almost flinched at his meaningfull words. "Just exploring the beach. It's very different than it was when we lived here," she said weakly. Peter shook his head at her sadly, a look of betrayal reflected in his eyes. Susan shook her head at him pleadingly, hoping he would get the message.

Peter mumbled something darkly to himself as he cut into his meat with a new sense of anger. Caspian shuddered. He had a feeling Peter was imagining that steak looking very much like Caspian.

"So, no audiences, no formal dinners, no guests, what do you want to do today family?" Edmund said in an attempt to change the subject and lighten the mood. Susan silently thanked Aslan for her brothers knack at covering awkward moments, as well as causing them. Lucy dropped her fork with a clatter "I know! Lets take the horses out for a ride around out behind the castle through that forest. If a remember right, there's a lovely little valley back there a ways with the loveliest little brook running through it and all these wild flowers growing along the bank," she said dreamily, her excitement amusing everyone at the table.

"Sounds like a plan to me. We'll leave as soon as the lovebirds are done eating" Edmund said cheekily, scraping his floor across the marble floor and propping his feet on the table. Susan and Caspian blushed and Lucy giggled at the wonderful shade of purple Peter's face was turning. "Edmund! Feet OFF the table." Peter snapped, quite sharper than intended. He was so not in the mood.

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><p>A half hour later the five royals the royals were gearing up their horses for a long ride. Caspian had yet to explore the surrounding of Cair Paravel and the Pevensie's were dying to explore their home. "Alright there boy?" Trumpking said smugly as he heaved a heavy saddle into the young king's arms, almost knocking him over. "Ya seem a bit distracted" the red dwarf said with a teasing smile. "What?"<p>

Trumpking chuckled darkly. "Ye really like her don't ya boy?" he said, glancing at Susan who was laughing at something Edmund said and pulling Lucy behind her onto her horse. (Lucy, in a sudden fit of affection, insisted on riding with Susan instead of on her own horse). Susan caught Caspian's eye and winked at him with a radiant smile, causing Caspian's heart to flutter and his eyes to light up. Trumpkin rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath incoherently. "Just get on the horse boy," the cranky dwarf mumbled. Caspian grinned and swung himself onto his horse. "If you're quite finished, let's get a move on,'' Peter said grumpily. Lucy wrapped her arms around Susan's waist and leaned her head on her sisters back. Caspian glared at Peter and they were off.

It was a beautiful day, perfect for riding. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the sky was clear,save for a few dark clouds dotting the horizon. The horses broke into a run and the landscape flashed before their eyes, just as they remembered it. The trees, the paths, the rocks the flowers, nothing had changed a bit. Everything was just like the good old Golden Age, when they were older and wiser and didn't have Caspian. Susan shivered, she couldn't even imagine her life without Caspian in it. She couldnt imagine not hearing his laugh or his voice saying 'i love you'. She couldn't imagine not feeling his arms around her or his fingers twined in hers. Her heart sank with the realization that someday she might have to.

"Alright?You look like you just saw a ghost '' Edmund said with a touch of concern. He knew that look. Susan flushed when she realized he was talking to her "Oh yeah, fine," she mumbled under her breath. Edmund narrowed his eyes unconvinced. Saddled his horse up next to his sisters' and touched her shoulder reassuringly. Susan smiled; Edmund always knew what she was thinking. It was like the shared a special connection. If someone asked her which of her siblings she loved the most she would of said she loved them all the same but she was defintetly the closest to Edmund, despite the small age difference. They had always been extremely close but ever since the Rabadash incident, they had been practically joined at the hip. Edmund was fiercely protective of Susan in a way that Peter could never be. Peter worried about Susan and her suitors but he had never been given reason to be that way like Edmund had. He had seen what men were capable regarding his sister and even though he had managed to protect Susan from Rabadash, he would forever feel that need to keep her safe always and make sure nothing ever hurt her. He still saw that moment often in his dreams and would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night terrified that something had happened. He would never admit it but ever since their visit to Calormene he took it upon himself to check on both his sisters in the middle of the night to make sure they were okay.

Edmund reluctantly pulled his horse away from Lu and Susan's and slowed down next to Caspian's horse Destrier. After about an hour of laughing and story-telling they decided to stop and rest when they reached the valley, which was just over a small hill. They urged their horses faster and soon the five royals were racing up the hill,laughing wildly. "I beat you all!" Edmund shouted triumphantly as he reached the top, closely followed up by the girls. The five slid off of their horses and stood at the top of the hill, breathless. The most beautiful sight they had ever seen stretched out before them. The grass was the most vibrant, bright green any of them had ever seen and the water was clear and sparkling. Two huge hills loomed over the little valley, casting a cool shadow over the family. Weeping willows dotted the river banks and long stemmed daisies and irisis swayed lazily in the breeze.

Lucy clasped her hands in front of her "Oh it's just like I remember! The flowers, the brook the trees its perfect! And those hills, thers's something very familiar about them but I don't particularly remember them being right here. Oh well, let's go!" she squealed as she took of running down the hill. The older four shrugged and went after her, laughing the whole way. Lucy and Susan immediately tossed their shoes on banks and waded up to their knees in the cool fresh water laughing and reliving past experiences.

The Kings sauntered over to the shady trees and plopped down in the grass, leaning against the thick trunks talking and laughing lazily. Caspian smiled to himself; for the first time all day Peter didn't look like he was waiting for the chance to sink his sword into Caspian's side. The hours flew by an before they knew it was late afternoon. The girls were sitting on the bank idily making daisy chains while the bubbling brook washed over their feet. Edmund shaded his eyes from the harsh sun and looked up at the sky. Dark clouds seemed to be moving unaturally quick towards the little valley. Soon enough the radiant sun itself was blocked out by the menacing clouds. Edmund's stomach started churning; she was not liking this at all. A sudden chill crept through the air and the girls quietly slipped out of the water and climbed up the sloping bank to where the boys were talking hurriedly. Thunder rolled in the sky and the whole valley darkened with sinister light.

"We better get back now...'' Peter said, standing up and turning to the horses grazing in the grass a few yards away. Thunder rumbled in the heavens and cold raindrops pattered on the grass. The five young royals jumped as a streak of lightening lit the dark sky. The horses reared up and whinied loudly before taking off full speed into the woods. Peter started to run after them when a familiar icy chill crept up on them and a thin layer of ice crept across the lake. Lucy pointed a shaky finger towards the base of the two hills where a thick white mist was gathering. The three kings immediately reached for their swords and Susan cursed her stupidity of not bringing her bow. The royals cautiously crept towards the mysterious mists, a horrible chill creeping through their bones. Lucy grabbed Caspian's arms instinctively when the mist thined and a white figure glided forward to meet them. Pale skin, sharp, cold eyes, evil grin. It was Jadis.

Edmund gripped his sword so tight his knuckles turned white. As she got closer, they realized she was just a ghost, a whisper of the evil she was capable of. Peter immediately whisked Lucy behind him scooted protectively towards Edmund and Susan. The witch laughed her cruel, mirthless laughed "Ah, my little kings and queens at last. It has been such a long time. Thrirteen hundred years, I believe? I have missed you all so much,'' the ghost cooed in her syrupy sweet voice. Fire burned in Edmund's eyes. The transparent queen floated closet until she was only inches from Edmunds face.

He readjusted his grip on his sword and faced his worst enemy. She only laughed "Are you going to kill me little king? Don't you see? I can never die, you may have killed my body but my soul will forever live on. Foolish, foolish boy; I have always been alive inside of you my dear. With every thought of me I grow stronger and stronger. Don't you see? You will keep me alive forever my little king."

"You're wrong." Edmund said simply. His teeth were clenched and his whole body was shaking. But he was not afraid, he was angry. A passionate, buring anger;the kind that drives one to murder. he wanted nothing more than to drive his sword through her but he was no fool, you cannot kill a woman with no body. Sick pleasure swelled through Edmund. She had no body. She was just a ghost. She could do no harm to him, his brother and sisters or his best friend. She was trapped in a shell that she would never escape from.

With another cruel, mirthless laugh she turned and glided to a stop in front of Caspian and Susan. Caspian bristeled and shifted closer to Susan who stared unwaveringly at the witch in front of her, her body rigid and set. "Susan dear, my my how you have changed. What a pretty young thing you are my dear!" she said in her syrupy voice, reaching out a pale finger to stroke Susan's cheek but stopped right above her skin. Edmund smiled smugly, she was a ghost and couldn't touch his sister any more than he could sprout wings and fly. Nevertheless Caspian growled and protectively pulled Susan out of the witch's reach. The witche's countenance changed and fake sympathy shone in her black eyes. She made clucking sound with her toungue.

"You poor dear. Finally found someone special have you? After all those men? Too bad you will never get to enjoy it dearie. You see my dear girl, I have a friend who has been so _longing_ to see you. He certainly was not wrong about your great beauty. He has been waiting a _very _long time to see you. You seem to have 'cast him under your spell' as he likes to put it," she turned back to the others. "I believe you have all met him before too. He speaks so fondly of you Edmund." she sneered. Edmund's stomach plummeted and his hands started shaking. He had a pretty good idea of who she was talking about.

The mist behind her parted and a tall dark figure emerged from the icy mist. Edmund could vaguely hear dozens of footsteps in the distance (an army most likely). After that everything happened at once and time seemed to slow down. Susan screamed and clapped a hand over her mouth, her whole body quaking. Edmund shoved her behind him with such force that Caspian was amazed she managed to stay upright. A fire burned in Edmund's eyes that Caspian never expected to see in his friend. Intense, passionate, seething hate coursed through the Just Kings body as he pointed his sword at the dark figure, his hand still on his sister's waist. Over his dead body would this creep lay a hand on his sister. He didn't need to look to see that Susan was on the verge of tears.

It was Rabadash.

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><p><strong>DAH DAH DAH! mwahahhaha cliff hanger heeeheheh don't hate me! FINALLY i got this thing going! hehehehehehehehhe i feel so devious. i'm sure you all saw that coming though with all the talk and subtle hints abut Rabadash lol plz let me know what you think<strong>


	13. The Rashness of the Kings

Out of the mist stepped nearly five dozen soldiers. There faces were cold and sharp and each wore a twisted grin on their faces as they encircled the small party. Peter and Caspian immediately arranged themselves around the girls, prepared to fight to the death. "Take them.'' the witch's ghost said with twisted pleasure leaking out of her cold voice. And then all hell broke loose.

They just kept coming and coming in waves, a never ending enemy. Edmund swung and sliced and stabbbed with all his might but there were too many of them. Blood from a gash on his forehead dripped into his eye as he thrashed about wildly, trying to locate his sisters. Thank Aslan, both always carried a dagger so they were not totally defenseless but two daggers are no match for twenty three swordsmen. A sliver of hope welled inside of him as he twisted around to see several of Rabadash's soldiers sprawled dead on the ground and even more falling at the hands of his sisters and brothers. He darted to the left and avoided a blow to the back of the neck and twisted back around and sliced the head clean off of the shoulder's of another. (Afterwords when asked about the battle he would always say all he could remember was fighting with everthing he had while images of that man attacking his sister flashed before his eyes.)

He sliced his sword clean through a youngish looking man with fiery orange hair and felt a small stab of sympathy for the poor guy. (Being the Just king he couldn't help but feel guilty for the lives he took on the battlefield, no matter what the reason of war). His sister's scream whiped those thought right out of his mind. He looked up briefly and immediately spotted his best friend fighting beside his brother like the world's continuation depended on it. He skillfully plucked a second sword off the grass and dashed towards his friend and brother who were horribly out numbered but was nearly knocked off his feet by a tremendous force slamming into his chest. He stumbled back a bit but quickly regained his wits and lunged at the enormous man, managing to slice his sword arm. The oafish soldier screamed his outrage as he charged once again towards the young king. But Edmund was agile and darted to his left where he was met by a solid blow to the shoulder from behind and sent him to the ground with a painful crunch. Before he could even blink an icy blade was pressed to his throat. Out of the corner of his eye he could vaguely make out that Peter and Caspian were in the same situation while his sisters stood between at least twenty men, fighting like all of Narnia. "That's enough" a smug, clear voice ran out across the valley. Pure hatred welled up inside of Edmund and Peter as he spoke. Poor Caspian had no idea who this man was or what he did but only knew that he was after his love and that was all he needed to instantly hate that man.

So fierce was the fighting of his two sisters that the soldiers were forced to disobey orders and continue fighting. Edmund could see the gears turning in Rabadash's head as a cruel sneer appeared on his face and he silently crept up on Susan's blind side. He tried to scream a warning to his sister but the sword at his throat pressed into him deeper. He felt hot blood dribble down his chin and soak the collar of his shirt. In one swift movement Rabadash quickly wrapped one arm around Susan's waist and the other across her chest from behind and held her tight against him. Susan yelped in surprise and struggled with all her might against the strong arms holding her but it was hopeless. "Now now is that any way to treat one you so rudely abandand my barbarian queen?" he rasped into her ear. Edmund could see the horror and fear creep into his sister's eyes and he felt fire coursing through his veins. "I have waited so long for you my queen," he said burying his face into her neck. Red hot anger blurred Edmund's vision as he watched that man toy with his sister in that way. Her lovely blue eyes widened and a cold shiver ran down her spine at his envasive action as she tried to unhook his arm from her waist. "You are even more beautiful than I remember, and so young too! What an old man I am compared to you my dear. What are you, 16? 17? " he said hungrily as his eyes traveled down Susan's trembling body. Caspian and Peter cursed and screamed threats and insults at the disgusting creep but it only fueled him.

Rabadash yelled some orders to his troops but Edmund was too angry to hear and kept his eyes fixed on his sister. He had failed her. He hadn't kept her safe. He let this man get to her again and if anything happened to her he would never forgive himself. Edmund felt himself roughly yanked from the ground and bound in chains to Lucy and lead quickly beyond those dark hills that he now recognized clearly. They were the two hills that blocked the White Witch's palace from view. His stomach flipflopped. That's where they were going. The white witch's castle. He shuddered at the bitter memories of his time within those walls in his first visit to Narnia. Where was the witch anyway? His eyes scanned the army and the hills but her ghost was no where to be seen. The witch had vanished.

A furious shout snapped him back into reality. Apparently three very large soldiers who had to be at least **part** giant were trying to tie up Caspian and take his sword. Caspian punched and kicked and fought them but they were larger and stronger. The smaller one (who had to be at least six and a half feet tall) brought down the hilt of his sword down on Caspian's head with a loud snap. Lucy screamed and Susan thrashed wildlyin her Rabadash's arms. She finally managed to catch a glimpse of the blood trickling down Caspian's face and she screamed and struggled even harder. She managed to break out of Rabadash's hold for a moment and made a mad dash for her love. Rabadash caught her wrist and slapped her solidly across the face. Susan supressed a yelp and stumbled back a step or two. Peter and Edmund writhed and pulled at their chains and screamed the foulest insults they could think of at the useless creep but he only smiled evilly at them and pulled Susan even closer to him, whispering very rapidly in her ear and gesturing occasionally to one of the other royals.

Susan's eyes widened and her cheeks paled at his words. "Understand?" the dark-haired Calormene hissed in her ear. Susan nodded dumbly and stumbled along the path in front of Rabash, trembling violently. "Susan? Susan what did he just say to you?" Peter said to her through gritted teeth, pulling fiercely at his chains. The soldier raised a hand to hit him but Susan's eys widened and she took a step towards the soldier. "Wait stop! Please, leave my brother alone," she sobbed and Edmund felt his heart break for his sister who had never done anything to deserve any of this. She turned to Peter as Rabadash roughly grabbed her arm in a vice like gripp and pulled her away. "Peter please, just do what he says.." she sobbed quietely as she lowered her head and allowed herself to be lead by that disgusting pig up the hill.

The rest of the way over the hill was a blur of screaming, cursing and pain for the royals. Edmund tried to stay as close to Susan as he could but you only have so much control of where you're going when you're chained to your little sister and some bloody soldier has the other end of the chain. It could of been worse, he could of been Caspian who was being banged around by three freakishly large soldiers who shoved him roughly forward and shouted vulgar insults if he as much as glanced at Susan and the closest things he'd ever had to family. If anything happened to her...

Soon enough the dark castle loomed above them and Rabadash made his way up the steps and threw open the gate, whisking a mutinous Susan inside first and for a horrible moment they all thought they were going to be separated. Edmudnd felt Lucy stiffen next to him and squeezed her arm with much difficullty. What a brave little thing she was being. Edmund smiled weakly to himself. His sisters were so strong.

Eventually the three Pevensies and Caspian were lead into the cold evil castle and they all almost screamed with relief when they saw Susan (who looked just as relieved) standing just inside the door waiting for them.

"Thank you for your services to me my fine gentlemen, I will take it from here," Rabdash addressed the troops in his syrupy voice. The remaining troops, who were quite battered despite their forty person advantage, all bowed continuously back down the hallway without daring to turn their backs on the spoiled prince. "Welcome my friends. I am sure you will enjoy your time here very much," he said sarcastically using the same words he used when greeting Susan and Edmund at his palace doors so long ago.

Four palace guards waltzed around the corner and instantly fell on their knees before the prince. "Ah, my good men. Escort these prisoners down to the dungeons. Give them plenty of water but no food until I say otherwise. The large corner cell shall do nicely." he said with an evil glint in his eyes. Susan glared at him and yanked her arm out of his hand in disgust. "As you wish your majesty. To hear is to obey," the oldest guard said in a deep gruff voice with a deep elaborate bow. "Excellent. I will see you in the moring my love. Sleep well barbarian, you will need it,'' he said as he stooped to kiss Susan's hand. Susan shuttered as he strutted down the hallway. "Perhaphs tomarrow night I shall grace you with my presence," he called over his shoulder with a grin.

That was the last straw for the Just King. He slamed his broad shoulders into the surprised guard (who had taken Lucy and Edmund's chain and was about to lead them down the hallway) and sent him hurtling to the cold stone floor with a very un-manly squeal._ Blinded_ by rage, the Just King sprinted down the hallway like lightening, towing a shaken Lucy behind him. He whirled around the corner and was just about to swing his cuffed hands at the spoiled prince's head when three pairs of hands grabbed his shoulders and drug him hastily away from the prince who whirled around and laughed in Edmund's face. "Save your energy little King. Struggling here is not worth it. You will never escape. I will not let your lovely sister slip through my fingers with treachery again. She will stay in the dungeon and she will love me and be my bride and our children will rule a great empire someday," he said and Edmund spat at his feet. No _way _was this scum ever going to marry Susan and no way in _heck_ were her children going to call that man father. Not as long as he was alive. No way.

"Over my dead body."

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><p>The guards drug Lucy and Edmund back down the halllway and towards the rest of the family. Edmund coudn't even see straight he was so angry. Peter's half-smile seemed to say 'I'm proud of you' and Caspian looked almost grateful that he at least tried to do something. Lucy saddled up close to Edmund and grabbed his hand awkwardly in her trembling one. Susan smiled bravely at him and touched his arm comfortingly. The oldest guard gently grabbed her arm and lead her away down the hallway with an apologetic smile. Susan noticed for the first time that his face was kind and warm, unlike anyone else in that foresaken place and that he was kind enough not to chain her up but just kept a firm grip on her upper arm instead. Edmund nodded curtly at the man and allowed the second burlier guard to lead him and Lu down the hallway after Susan and the first man.<p>

The hallway got darker and colder as it went on. They were roughly lead down three flights of treacherously steep stairs befor finally stopping at an enormous heavy lead door with a very small barrred window near the top. The kinder old man tugged the rusty keys out of his belt loop and twisted the biggest key in the lock with a huge creek. The door swung open and the small party was rushed inside. The biggest, most gruesome guard grabbed Caspian by the shoulder and threw him on the cold ground and started chaining his hands and feet to the damp cold wall despite his protest. The same guard proceeded to chain Susan down on the wall a few feet away from Caspian, although he was a little more humane to her. He went to grab Peter next but Edmund threw himself right in front of the guard who shrugged and roughly grabbed Edmund instead and threw him down next to Susan. Edmund let out a sigh of relief. He had to be close to Susan. He had to be right there next to her and he was. If they were separated he didn't know what he would do...

Lucy was thrown down next to him in the same rude fashion and Peter was slammed onto the ground next to her and chained to the wall as well. The four guards sauntered out of the room and deftly locked it behind them and proceeded up the dangerous stairs. The Pevensie's and Caspian got the chance to look around their prison. It was on huge circular room crafted poorly of huge jagged blocks of cold dark stone. Random spots of hay dotted the room and something they assumed to be a ratty old blanket lay limp in the could hear rats scuttling around in all the nooks and crannies and cold, slimy water slithered down the walls and soaked the back of their shirts. How did their innocent ride through the countryside end in this terrible prison?

Edmund glanced at Susan and Lucy briefly to make sure they weren't hurt. Susan wasn't even crying, just staring at the cold stone floor with the same dead look in her eyes he had seen so many times before.

"It's going to be okay Susan. We-we **will** get out of this Su, Aslan will get us out of here," Lucy said hopefully. "Just have faith. Aslan would never forsake us. He loves you Susan and he won't let anything happen to you, I promise. We will get out of this,'' she finished with a shaky smile at her older sister. "Yeah, we're going to get you out of this. I promise I won't let him hurt you," Peter chimed in with a brotherly smile. He never wanted to hold his either of his sisters in his arms so badly. Susan didn't look up from the floor but Caspian saw a little glimer of hope come into her eyes. "Over my dead body will he ever lay a hand on you again," Edmund said through gritted teeth. The hope left Susan's eyes and her head snapped up.

"That's what I'm worried about! I don't _care _about what happens to me what I care about is you four!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. She looked back down at the floor and Edmund and Caspian could see the tears gathering in her eyes. "I have to marry him." she said quietly and they all turned purple in the face. "Love, you can't possibly consider spending the rest of you're life with this, this _monster,'' _Caspian gently, his voice dripping with hate and absolute disgust. Susan whirled around to face him. "I have to Caspian. I have to marry him and if I don't he'll kill you. He'll kill you all in the most cruel, brutal, _torturous_ way and I can't let that happen. Spending the rest of my life with that, that...lunatic is nothing compared to spending the rest of my life without the four of you. My life is nothing without you guys and I love you all way too much to let anything happen because of me.I couldn't live with myself if something happend to any of you-"

"And I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you! Not again. I couldn't live with myself if I let him do that to you again. I swear if he touches even just your hair he'll have my sword to reckon with!" Edmund seethed. No way was that scummy creep getting anyway near his sister. No way.

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><p><strong>Authors note: phew finally! this chapter took forever to write! hope y'all liked it even though it was kinda dark and angsty (warning futute chapters contain excessive angst and overprotective brothers and boyfriends) haha let me know whatcha think and press that little button at the bottom. I promise you its not that hard and it makes a certain teen girl veeery happy:) P.S. i may have a PeterSusan (not incest) oneshot soon. *hint hint***


	14. Worth Fighting For

**Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN CHRONICLES OF NARNIA. i am not making any money of profit off of this story. just for fun!**

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><p>The next morning Edmund woke groggily in a panic. Where in Aslan's name was he? It all came back to him a moment later and he thrashed wildly, desperately trying to find his sister. He let out a huge sigh of relief when he spotted her just a few feet from him...chained to a wall. Thank Aslan she had finally fallen asleep. They had all spent what seemed like hours trying to coax her into sleep and were all thrilled when she finally drifted off to sleep, though Edmund could of sworn he heard a scream in the middle of the night and several mutterings and whimpers. He looked around the room and a half-smile crept on his face when he spotted Caspian looking at his sister like she walked on water. Somehow Caspian had managed to get a hold of the ratty old blanket in the corner and had thrown it over her. Caspian looked like he would give anything to be able to hold her, touch her cheek, or hold her hand just to let her know he was there and wouldn't leave her alone in this place. At least Edmund could trust <em>someone<em> with his sister. He had never seen that look in anyone's eyes before that he saw when Caspian looked at Susan. He was brave, smart, kind, chivalrous, respectful and sweet to his sister, which was all he ever wanted for his sister; someone who treated her right and would take care of her. Maybe, just maybe, Caspian was good enough for his sister, Edmund thought. Just maybe.

He whipped his attention to the door when he heard the rusty key turn in the lock and growled deep in his throat when Prince Rabadash strutted in. Lucy and Peter instantly woke when the door slammed shut. Susan however, only twitched in her sleep. "Good morning, I trust you all slept well," Rabadash sneered then frowned when he set his eyes on Susan. "Let her sleep," Lucy said softly and Rabadash laughed loudly. "You are not royalty here little queen. You are in no position to be giving me orders," he said coldly. He winked at Edmund and then slowly waltzed towards Susan. "Get away from my sister," Peter seethed. All four royals stiffened and pulled desperately at their chains as Rabadash squatted next to Susan and brushed a lock of hair out of her lovely face. "Don't touch her!" Caspian snarled furiously. He and Edmund yanked and writhed against the chains but they were held fast to the slimy wall. "Ah, I had almost forgotten you were here my king. Caspian, is it?" he said with a sneer. Caspian growled and muttered various profanities under his breath (too quietly for Lucy's young ears to hear).

Rabadash chuckled and turned back to Susan who was still asleep. He looked at Edmund and Peter with his cold black eyes and then leaned in to rudely wake their sister with a kiss. Lucy gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth and the boys went nearly mad with rage. They all writhed and yanked at their chains til they felt the blood flow from their wrists. White hot rage consumed their bodies and they felt their brains sizzle with hate and furry for that filthy lunatic. Susan's eyes immediately snapped open and widened it surprise. She tried to pull away and shake him off but the chains held her fast to the wall and she had no power to move or stop him.

"Please, just leave her alone, leave her alone," Lucy sobbed. "Stop," Edmund Peter and Caspian shouted simultaneously at the top of their lungs. "Please. Please just stop it. Leave my sister alone you demented evil freak!" Edmund hated to beg but it was _torture_ to watch that filthy pig kiss his sister.

Peter gritted his teeth and clenched his fists "I swear Rabadash, when we get out of here I am going to kick your-"

Rabadash pulled back from Susan and sat back on his haunches. "When you get out? Don't make me laugh. You are never getting out of here. I've missed you all so much and surely you four will stay for the wedding." He ignored Peter and Caspian's snarls and gags and Edmund's muttered curses. "The sooner the better barbarian," he rasped in Susan's ear, leaning in so he was inches from her pale face. She avoided his eyes and turned her face towards Caspian. It took every fiber of her being not to break down in hysterical tears. Rabadash roughly grabbed her hair and forced him to look at her, slamming her head unintentionally into the wall. Edmund wanted to stab the life out of that pervert more than he had ever wanted anything else in his whole life.

Susan only saw blotches of color and snatches of words for a moment before she opened her eyes to find Rabadash frighteningly close to her face, his hands clutching possessively at her waist. "Marry me." he said hungrily, glancing suggestively at the dagger at his hip and then at her family and Caspian. She looked around at the four people she loved more than anything, more than her country, her parents, more than her own life and doubt and hesitance crept into her eyes. She couldn't let this monster kill them. She couldn't watch the life leave their eyes knowing that there was something she could of done to save them. She opened her mouth to say something but all that came out was a sort of confused wail. She watched helplessly as her families hateful expressions turned to awe struck ones.

"Susan how can you possibly even _think_ about the answer to that?" Edmund almost screamed at her. "Quiet!"Rabadash roared and Lucy shrunk back slightly at the noise. Susan bit her lip til the blood flowed. "No," she said cautiously and was greeted with a hard slap across the face.

"You'll pay for that! How dare you hit a woman you honor-less creep! Caspian thundered. Peter and Edmund were so furious they couldn't even speak.

"I wasn't asking barbarian. You will marry me or watch the blood flow from your loved ones. I will give you one day to reconsider and come to your senses or your siblings will not be so lucky my queen. I have waited over thirteen hundred years for an answer from you and that answer will be yes. You will love me as I love you. "

Susan burst out laughing. Loud, bellowing laughter that shocked everyone in the prison cell. Her family was looking at her like she was crazy and Rabadash looked like he was trying to decide if he was insulted, angry or if her laughter was a good sign. Susan stopped laughing long enough to explain. "You do not love me. If you did I would not be chained to a wall and you would not be threatening the lives of my family. You're in love with my face. And my hair and my body but you are not in love with me. You know nothing about me other than that I am a girl. You don't love me. You are infatuated with me but you don't love me. Even a little." she finished as she watched the smile leave the spoiled prince's face and a stoniness replace it.

In one quick movement he yanked his dagger out of its sheath and struck her with the flat of the blade. She bit back her scream and her tears as she felt the sticky hot blood on her face and saw his cruel smile leaning over her. Whatever happened to her, whatever he did to her, Susan promised herself she would not cry. No matter how many times he hit her, kissed her or jeered at her she would not cry. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her tears and knowing he had gotten to her. She would put on a brave face and be strong for her family and her love.

Without another word Rabadash whirled around and stormed out of the prison cell, slamming the door with a flourish. Her brothers and Caspian were still shouting insults and struggling against their chains when she was sure the dark-haired prince was well out of earshot. Lucy was sobbing into her lap and Susan dug her nails into the stone floor to keep her own tears at bay. Finally when everyone had simmered down a little Caspian was the first to speak. "Are you alright love?" he said in little more than a whisper, his voice full of love and concern. Susan smiled in spite of everything. How did she get so lucky? How did she get so lucky as to find someone like Caspian? Someone so sweet and loving and funny and good and brave and strong.

"Love, are you alright?"Caspian repeated with a frantic look on his unfairly handsome face. He cringed at the blood on her face and her red cheeks. Susan nodded and mustered a weak smile. She jumped a little when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Somehow, with a lot of pulling and stretching and leaning, Edmund could manage to lean close enough to give his big sister a comforting pat on the shoulder. He wanted to hold her and squeeze her and never let go but a touch to the shoulder was all he could manage. Susan smiled back at him wearily and grabbed his wrist with much difficulty. "We'll get out of this Susan, I promise. I won't let him...hurt you again. I know you're worried about us Su but you **can't **marry him . I won't let you give up your life and your chances of being happy for me. I would rather die than watch you marry the likes of that monster. You deserve you're right, he doesn't love you and you deserve to marry someone who loves you and will take care of you forever," he looked at Caspian pointedly. "You deserve love. You deserve to spend the next fifty or sixty years with someone you love and I **KNOW **you don't love him. You deserve to raise your kids and grow old with someone special who respects you and will take care of you.'' he said quietly and Susan, despite her promise, couldn't help the tears from flowing down her cheeks.

"Someone like Caspian! He would be the most adorable old man! Oh and Caspian would make the most wonderful daddy! And your children would be so cute!" Lucy gushed cheerfully in her attempt to make her sister laugh. Caspian and Susan both turned quite red and avoided eachothers' eyes (although Susan couldn't help but laugh at the image of the old, shrunken, wrinkly Caspian with white hair that popped into her head). Peter sounded like he was starting to choke and his face turned a fabulous shade of green. "There will most definetly be none of THAT anytime soon!" Peter said a little louder than he meant to and Susan and Caspian turned so red theri scalps burned. Edmund started laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face and he was spluttering and choking. Susan smiled to herself. Even though they were chained to a dungeon wall with some insane physcho freak threatening to kill them or force her into marriage, here they were laughing until they were blue in the face. Somehow they found a way to laugh in the midst of the darkness. Her family.

This is why she was at war with herself. And as she looked around at her prince charming and her brothers and sister laughing their heads off in a dark dungeon, she couldn't help thinking that this, this right here, in the darkest corner of the palace, was worth fighting for. And she would fight for this with every breath in her body until her heart stopped beating.

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><p><strong>Well, there you go! Chapter... whatever. lol sorry it's kinda short but it was sort of a filler chapter for the next chapter... anyway, drop me a line, let me know what you think!<strong>


	15. Friendly Face

**Disclaimer: For the fifteenth time, I DO NOT OWN NARNIA OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! why would i be writing _fan_fiction about it if i owned it? this is just for pleasure and to improve my writing skills. warning for angst and mild violence in this chapter.  
><strong>

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><p>"Lucy! Lu! Lu wake up! Lucy wake up!''<p>

The youngest queen's eyes snapped open and she sat upright as far as she could due to those bloody chains. She looked around questioningly at the dark dungeon and then at the concerned faces of her family. "You were talking in your sleep again Lu. Actually, it was more like screaming in your sleep. Are you alright?" Peter said with paternal concern. Lucy rubbed the back of her head (she must of hit it on that wall at least fifteen times). "I think so. It was just another nightmare..." she trailed off. There was no need to explain what it had been about. She leaned as far as she could to get a good look at Susan. Her cheeks were pale and papery, purple bags sagged under her eyes and her dull eyes darted towards the door at the slightest noise. Lucy could see the gears turning in her sister's head as she stared at the floor in total concentration. Lucy couldn't help but giggle.

"Susan no matter how hard you stare at the door, I don't think the key is just going to turn itself in the lock and find it's way to your handcuffs," Lucy said with a smile. Susan jumped a bit at the sudden noise and smiled sheepishly. "Can't blame a girl for trying," she mumbled and everyone smiled. They wiped the smiles off their faces as soon as they heard loud clumsy footsteps coming down the stairs. Their hearts started pounding in their chests and they instinctively braced themselves against the slimy wall. The key turned in the lock and they all held their breaths.

The ugliest, most gruesome cyclops any of them had ever seen shouldered into the room dumbly. He must of only been part cyclops because he was about Caspian's size. He wore only an over sized ratty tunic trailing down to his long and gnarled finger and toe nails . He wore a horrible sneer on his face, as if he was imagining them all spread out on platters as a feast. His eye was red and piercing and seemed to look right through you. His teeth were sharp and jagged and his crude face was covered in a bushy, unkempt beard.

"The prince wants to see the pretty girl in 'is room." he said dumbly with a smug smile.

He laughed loudly at the paleness of their faces as he fished a small key out of his belt loop and started lumbering towards Susan. Her skin had turned whiter than snow, the life had left her eyes and she was trembling violently. The blood congealed in Edmund's veins and his body went numb.

The cyclops bent over Susan and unlocked her chains. Caspian's blood boiled at the purple and black bruises on her ankles and wrists. The gruesome creature yanked her off the ground by the arm and roughly started pulling her towards the door. "Wait, wait please. Please no, please, let me go let me go. Kill me, hit me do whatever you want to me but please, please don't take me to him, please." Susan pleaded, struggling to look her captor in the eye.

He laughed inanely and slammed her head into the wall. The boys screamed in rage as she winced and rose a hand shakily to the lump on the back of her head. "But he's been a so longin' to get you in there; thirteen hund'red years or somethin' like that," he replied, barring his jagged teeth at Susan in what they assumed was supposed to be a smile.

Edmund had never felt such fear in side of him. Not in battle, not when with the witch, never. The bitter fear for his sister coursed through his veins, eating away at his heart. "No!No! Susan! Susan no, Please, please don't take her. I'll do anything, anything, just don't take her to that monster. SUSAN! SUSAN!" Edmund screamed as the evil creature struggled to lead her away. Peter and Caspian were shouting similarly. "You do anything to her and I swear, I will kill you!" Caspian spat at the cyclops, pure fire raging in his usually warm eyes.

"Edmund, Edmund, Edmund please, please!" she sobbed as she struggled against the guard. The twisted Cyclops frowned.

"Come _on_ now, let's get a move on girly. The prince's gettin' impatient. Let's _go_._" _he yelled frustratedly as he gave Susan one last shove towards the door. Caspian, Peter and Edmund were pulling so desperately at the chains that the rattling was earsplitting and rang across the dungeon like thunder. Lucy was sobbing uncontrollably and calling Susan's name desperately. With one last enormous effort, Susan twisted around to look at Lucy. "I'll be okay Lucy, everything is going to be okay, we're gonna get out of this, I'll be okay," she said in a shaky voice, her lips trembling and her eyes welling up with tears she refused to shed. She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than anything.

_" _Susan please, no. We'll get you out of this Susan I promise. I' ll get you out. I won't leave you here." Peter sobbed with a catch in his voice. Caspian couldn't even speak past the enormous lump in his throat. White hot rage blinded him as he thought of her in there with that monster. The thought of anything happening to his love was unthinkable, unfathomable, unbearable...

With one last laugh the cyclops shoved Susan into the hallway, slammed the iron door shut, twisted the larger key in the lock and roughly lead her by the hair down the dark hallway.

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><p>The walk through the endless corridors and passages was cold and haunting. The very shadows on the walls seemed to be jeering, laughing at her and her fate. The piercing cold sank through to her very bones as she awaited what was to come in absolute horror. It was like she had been transported into one of her dreams, into one of her worse nightmares. Four years she had spent dreaming about this exact moment; trapped in a castle with Rabadash. Her blood ran cold and her insides started to twist as they clambered up the stairs out of the dungeon and he dragged her down the main hallway of the castle. Terror tore threw her and a hard lump wedged itself in her throat. Acid tears burned her blue eyes but she dug her nails into her thigh. She would not cry. She refused to cry. She refused to feel sorry for herself. After all, she had brought this upon herself. If she had just listened to her brothers and just stay put in Cair Paravel like Peter wanted her to, none of this would have ever happened.<p>

If she just taken a second to think thirteen hundred years ago, she could be back at the Cair, spending her time taking audiences, signing laws, attending council, and spending time with Caspian; not here in this evil castle on her way to meet certain doom. If she had just taken one second to listen to her older brother who's judgment was far better than her's, she would be at home in her own room, not on the way to his. How could she ever have been so stupid? How could she of not seen through those sweet words and tender looks? How could she have not seen the monster on the inside that was so obvious to everyone else? How could she have ever been so blind?

Her hands were shaking and the jeering guards and gossiping servants were a blur. Instead, all she could see was that awful moment with Rabadash almost thirteen hundred years ago-except now there was no Edmund to save her. She was on her own. She hung her head and allowed one single tear to slip down her cheeks. She had brought this on herself and now it was time to face the music.

She made herself look up when they finally came to a stop. The heavy oak door loomed in front of the pair, spelling out the deepest fears in her heart_. Please, please Aslan, I was stupid and I was wrong but please, help me. Get my family out of here. I''ll stay, I'll do anything just please, let them get away, let them get away_.

''Have fun girly," her captor jeered in her ear, knocking loudly on the oak door. "Yes, what is it?" the arrogant voice of the prince responded sharply. Susan's blood ran cold and an icy shiver shot through her very core at the sound of his voice. What she wouldn't give to be back in her own room, in her own castle.

"It is Bonecrusher, your majesty," the beast said in a syrupy voice_. Bonecrusher. How fitting, _she thought gloomily. "I've got the girl." Every fiber of her being told her to run when she heard the happy pur from inside the room but she was trapped. How could she run, how could she hide when the lives of her family were at stake?

"Ah, you have the barbarian yes?" he paused. "The older one, not the younger one right my friend ? I have no use for the little queen," he said smartly, the pleasure and lust leaking out of his voice. Another cold shiver zapped her spine. The dim witted cyclops looked momentarily panicked, "Err, yes your majesty, the oldest queen...the pretty one," he said uncertainly. Susan tried vainly to control the utter dread rolling through her body. "Come in." he said with chilling pleasure.

Bonecrusher threw the door open and shoved Susan onto the hard stone floor with a loud smack. He bowed clumsily and hastily retreated out the door. She felt a bruise blosoming on her chin. Did she dare get up? Hesitantly, she lifted her head off the floor and glanced wearily around her new prison. She couldn't help sighing with relief; thank _Aslan, _they weren't in Rabadash's room at all. It was like no room she had ever seen in a palace.

It was almost like a second prison. There was a small sofa in the corner, a rug thrown haphhazardly in the center of the room and a lit oil lamp perched on a small three legged table on the rug. The room was cold and filled with an eerie light. The slimy and cold walls and made Susan shiver and sent ice through her veins. She would of traded the cold, pitch black, dirty dungeon two stories lower in a heartbeat.

She slowly rose to her feet, her heart beating a mile a minute. She wasn't liking this at all. Every nerve in her body was screaming at her to get herself out and just save herself from this pervious creep but she knew very well the consequences for her family if she did. She screamed involuntarily when an icy hand grabbed her shoulder. "You are so lovely. You have no idea how long I have waited for this my barbarian queen. Just a taste..." he whispered in her ear. Her skin crawled and her toes curled when he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her shoulder, ghosting his lips along her neck. She cringed and shrugged him away hurriedly, her stomach churning and her head reeling. She felt like she was going to vomit.

He caught her wrist and pulled her tight against him. The acrid smell of too much perfume burned her nose and made her eyes water. She gritted her teeth and pulled away from him, images of a previous night flashing before her eyes. Before she could protest, his lips slammed into hers and his hands tangled in her hair, jerking her head back to deepen the kiss. She shoved her hands against his chest as hard as she could but he only laughed and pushed her roughly against the wall, trapping her. She wormed her arm from behind her back and slapped the prince sharply across the face. His face turned an angry shade of red as he landed a solid punch to her temple, making her knees buckle and the blood pound relentlessly against her skull. The extravagant prince chuckled and rested his forehead on hers. "Your siblings are just downstairs love, I can certainly send Bonecrusher to...fetch them for me," he said dauntingly, gesturing to the dagger at his hip.

Rabadash saw the fear and hesitation flicker in her eyes and chuckled lightly. "That's what I thought," he said in his deep Calormene accent. She swallowed her tears and turned her head away from him. He grabbed the back of her neck and forced her to look at him. "Marry me," he sneered and Susan felt her mind battling with her heart. She shook her head repeatedly. She thought she could do this but she really couldn't. She couldn't spend the rest of her life with the likes of him. A burst of white hot pain slammed into her head and she couldn't help but scream. Before she knew it, she was on the cold stone floor, white hot pain shooting through her veins. And then her world went black.

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><p>Another heartwrenching scream rang through the winding passages of the witch's castle and four trembling prisoners felt the tears prickling their eyes. Lucy drew her knees up to her chest and sobbed continually into her lap, horrible images of her sister floating behind her eyes. Edmund let out another sob at the sound of his sister's scream and hopelessly tugged at his chains, his eyes briefly catching sight of his bloody wrists. He groaned. That was <em>nothing <em>compared to what Rabadash was putting his sister through. Another terrified scream echoed through the halls and Peter and Caspian felt the anger and guilt tearing through their hearts, ripping them apart from the inside out. Tears were pouring down their cheeks in hot streams. Every scream sent them writhing and sqirming. Suddenly, Peter took his head out of his hands and sat up straight, fire and fear burning in his green eyes. Without a word he twisted around and started punching the stone wall over and over again, his knuckles smacking against the wall loudly.

"Peter, Peter stop it! Stop! That's not going to help Susan!" Lucy wailed. Reluctantly, Peter turned back around, not bothering to examine his bloodied knuckles and bruised fingers. Edmund looked at his older brother and felt guilt building up inside of him. "I can't believe I let this happen again." he whispered in a shaky voice, his own tears coming. Peter's head snapped up. "Again? What are you talking about?" Peter said and Edmund mentally cursed himself. Peter didn't know the entire truth about the visit to Calormene. "Edmund what really happened. " the oldest Pevensie said with a sinking heart.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Edmund mumbled to himself.

"Don't play with me Edmund Pevensie! Something happened that you're not telling me! I'm going to ask one more time. What. Happened." Peter yelled, betrayal shining in his eyes.

Edmudn sighed nervously. The whole story came tumbling out. Oh, Peter knew about Rabadash trying to force Susan into marriage but he didn't know he had tried to force himself on her as well. Edmund watched as Peter's expression changed from betrayal to pain to worry and then to pure rage. Caspian's face was a mirror of Peter's. They were so mad they couldn't even find the words to even begin to describe their anger. The room was spinning and all they could see were colors and blotches. Peter opened his mouth several times but only air came out.

"How could you not tell me something like that Edmund? How could you hide something like that for so long? If something happens to our sisters I should bloody well be the first to hear about it!" he raged. Edmund stared at his feet, ashamed.

"I wanted to tell you Peter, really I did. But it was Susan, she made me promise not to tell you and I couldn't break my promise to her.. I just couldn't do it. And don't act so surprised Peter. You suspected as much the second we walked through the gates." he retorted weakly.

"Suspecting isn't knowing Edmund! Suspecting means you could be wrong! I trusted you. I trusted you to keep an eye on her! How could you let that-"

Lucy snapped her head up from her lap. "Stop it Peter! It wasn't Edmund's fault. He stopped him before he could-"

Peter's eyes widened in disbelief, then rage. "YOU KNEW!" he bellowed. He whirled on Edmund. "You told _her_ and not me? How could you!How could you not tell me about something concering Susan's health? I tusted you!I trusted you with the one of the three most important things in my life and you let her get hurt. I trusted you to keep an eye on him and you failed me. You are no brother of mine." he spat. Edmund cringed at the sudden venom in his brother's eyes.

Edmund felt like he had just been slapped in the face. His stomach twisted and guilt washed over him. Nothing compares to the feeling of being de-brothered by the one person who you have always looked up to. The one person you had complete and total faith in and would trust with or give your life for in a heartbeat. The one person you have tried you're whole life to not let down. And he had failed him. He had failed herPeter had yelled and ranted and screamed at him _hundreds_ of times but he had _never _said _anything_ even remotedly close to that to him.

The brother's arguement was cut off by another blood-curdling scream ringing through the whole castle. Sobbs choked the three royals throats."We have to get her out of there!" Caspian choked out, dropping his head into his hands in defeat. The four royals ears pricked when they heard light foot-steps down the hall. They gritted their teeth and prepared for some guard to waltz in there and drag them up the stairs to see Rabadash. Their eyes widened and they waited in agonizing anticipation as the key turned in the lock and the heavy medal door creaked open eerily. The gasped and absolute eurphoria tingled in every nerve of their bodies.

"Trumpkin!"

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><p><strong>DAH-DAH-DAH. Argh i'm sorry i've left you all with another cliff hanger! Don't hate me, trust me i am so excited about this story right now but y'al will just have to wait til the next chapter. hope this chapter wasn't too graphic and dark. drop me a line, let me know what you think. i really appreciate hearing your thoughts.<strong>

**P.S i might not be updating for bit because we are leaving on Friday to play in a softball tournament and watch the world series in oklahoma city! We won't be back until maybe Tuesday but i'll try to update one more time before we leave.**


	16. Race

The four royals had never been so happy in their entire lives as they were in that one moment. That one moment when you see the light at the end of the tunnel and you can just feel in your bones that everything really will be okay. That one instance when you almost stop breathing with relief and you nearly pass out because your heart is beating so fast. Prayers really can be answered, even if they come in the form of a red faced, grumpy dwarf who complains about everything.

They couldn't even speak, just stared open mouthed at the red-faced dwarf standing in the doorway, looking almost as shocked as they felt. "Finally! I've been lookin' fer the five o' ya for almost an hour! Do ya have any idea how bloody _difficult _it is skulking around this hole when the whole bloody place's swarming with guards? " he said angrily, swinging the keys around in air. They all continued to stare in awe. He sauntered over to Caspian and jiggled the key in the lock until the lock all but snapped in two and struggled to haul the young king to his feet. Caspian grinned dumbly and rubbed his raw wrists, clapping his friend on the back (almost sending the fiesty dwarf to ground).''What would I do without you dear little friend." he said cheekily. If looks could kill, Caspian would have been six feet under.

The grumpy dwarf moved on and hastily freed Edmund from his bonds. The Just King sprang up and resisted the urge to hug his moody friend. He had never been so happy to see anyone in his_ life_. "Seriously, how did you get in here?" Edmund said curiously, glancing at his friend who was struggling with Lucy's hand cuffs. He looked up and glared darkly at Edmund. "You. Owe. Me." he said and Edmund chuckled nervously. Too bad he was serious...

Lu's chains finally snapped and the ecstatic queen jumped up and hugged her dear little friend enthusiastically. "I am SO glad you're here! But DLF, how on earth did you know we were here?" she said curiously, finally pulling back a bit. Trumpkin instinctively turned, expecting a hug from the oldest queen (those human girls sure were big on public desplayes of affection). He frowned and looked around the dungeon for the first time. "Hang on, where's-?" another earsplitting scream rang through the air and they all groaned and blanched visibly. Trumpkin turned a ghostly white color and shuffled uncomfortably. "Well then, we uh, better hurry up and uh, get outta here." he said uncomfortably, getting to work on Peter's chains.

Lucy was just helping Peter to his feet when the heard the most sickening sound of the night. Silence. Pure, cold silence. Susan wasn't screaming. They waited and listened. No scream, no cry, no yell, just the eerie silence of the dungeon. Caspian's face was almost green and his legs were shaking. "We have to get her out of there. Now." he said determinedly. And if they all saw a tear slide down his cheek, they pretended not to notice. The four Pevensie's remained glued to the floor, waiting desperately for a scream, some small noise signifying there sister was at least...alive. Even Trumpkin's blood ran cold.

Their blood froze in their veins when they heard armor clanking and voices yelling just down the hall. The five stopped dead in their tracks, the color draining out of their faces. Someone was down the hall, just outside the door, waiting for them. They were so close, and now they were going to be discovered. They weren't getting out of there anytime soon. They all braced themselves when they saw a long, spindly shadow creep towards the threshold. Lucy held back her tears of anguish. They heard the boots clanking against the stone floor. They froze when a figure appeared in the doorway,sword positioned to kill. They could have jumped for joy. "Peepicheep!"

The noble mouse strod confidently into the dark prison. "Your majesties. Peepicheep at your service," he said with a deep bow to each of the four monarchs.

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><p>The six sprinted down the dark hallway, stepping over the bodies of guards unfortunate enough to have crossed blades with the noble mouse. Their hearts pounded in time to their clacking footsteps, only one thing on their minds. Peter destractedly grabbed a sword off a dead palace guard and absently tossed one to each of his friends. His head was reeling and the room seemed to be spinning. Peter stopped abruptly at a fork in the passage. He had no idea where he was, where Susan was, or where he was going. He looked around blanky at each of his friends. Reepicheep finally stepped forward. "If I may be so bold, I believe the direction from which we came was that way, towards the exit." he said humbly, bowing to Peter.<p>

"But thats just it, we're not going towards the exit." Peter mumbled darkly, charging down the hallway Reepicheep was pointing at. _Give me a sign, something to show me the right way, just let me find my sister. _

What Caspian would of given to hear her scream just one more time, to give them some hope of finding her and knowing that she was at least consious. Of course, he **HATED** the sound of her screams but just now it was the only sound he wanted to hear. The sprinted blindly down the corridors for what seemed like hours, desperately hopin luck was on their side. The six whirled around the corner and sighed in relief when they saw a dark passageway, lined with several huge wooden doors. One of them had to be Rabadash's. Frantically, they all started pressing their ears to the doors and flinging open any that weren't locked. Two minutes later they all met in the middle of the long corridor. Not a single sign of life in any of them. One of them certainly must have been Rabadash's room but he and Susan certainly were not in it. (Thank Aslan).

They heard dainty footsteps behind them and all tore down the hallway immediately. In this place, everyone was a foe. Once they were a safe distance away, Edmund stopped and whirled around to face Reepicheep and Trumpkin. "We don't have much time, are you sure you didn't see or hear anything on your way in through the castle?" The two scrunched up their faces in concentration. (If it hadn't been such a serious situation, Lucy would of been roling on the floor giggling). "Well, I did oer'heard a servant talking about the Prince and his new guest. Aparrently, the servant heard something about the third floor chamber?" Trumpkin offered uncertainly. Edmund took off down the hallway. He had been in these walls long enough and had a general idea of where he was going.

Moments later, six very out of breath prisoners arrived in a seemingly empty corridor, but upon further inspection found a large oak door partially hidden in the shadows. Edmund's heart jumped into his throat and his hands felt clammy. If the maidservant was telling the truth, his sister was in there with that terrible monster. The silence haunted him more than anything.

Trumpkin and Reepicheep immediately positioned themselves respectfully at either end of the hallway, keeping guard. Peter nudged Lucy towards the end of the hallway; no way did he want his little sister to see whatever they might find in that room. Lucy opened her mouth to protest but her older brothers clapped their hands over her mouth and pushed her gently towards Trumpkin, their eyes wild and pleading. Caspian moved towards the door but Peter put a firm hand on his chest and shoved him back into the hallway, ignoring his protest.

Peter grabbed Edmund's shoulder tightly and gulped quietly. The two kings were absolutely **terrified** of what they might find behind that door but they had to open it. Their sister was in there. Peter pressed his ear against the looming door and listened hard for any noise, any noise at all. Silence. All he could hear was some rustling around and a gasp or deep breath here and there. The soft sounds sent a cold shiver down his spine. His sister was in there. All alone with a man who was imfatuated with her. He could feel the hot tears burning his green eyes but he blinked them away. This was the time to be strong.

He turned to Edmund, wordlessly thinking of a plan. Edmund glanced up at the looming door and then nodded curtly at Peter. The door handle was old and rusty and looked about ready to fall of with a good shove. The two brothers took a few steps back and wordlessly counted to three, took a deep breath and slammed their shoulders into the heavy door. It caved instantly and the two brothers charged into the room shakily. Edmund let out a strangled yelp and sprinted to the center of the room and threw a very startled Rabadash off his sister. The spoiled prince met the wall with a very undignified squeal. "Susan!" Peter whimpered as he rushed past Edmund and knelt at his sister's head, tears sliding down his cheeks. She was out cold.

Edmund pointed his sword at the dazed prince's throat, his hand trembling with rage. Fire burned in his dark eyes and he gripped the sword so tight his knuckles turned white. He felt a grin of twisted pleasure dance across his face as fear flickered momentarily in the monster's eyes. In a split second it was gone. The spoiled prince chuckled as he descreetly tried to shift out of the sword's reach. Edmund took a step forward and pressed the blade into his neck. He chuckled again. "Are you going to kill me little king? King Edmund the Just? You wouldn't kill a defensless man now would you?" He could see the the debate in Edmund's eyes. He lowered his sword just a touch.

"See? You can't do it. You don't have the guts. You're weak. Pathetic. You don't have the stomach to kill a man without a weapon. " he jeered and his smile faltered slightly when he saw the fire flaming in Edmund's cold eyes. "You don't deserve to live. You low-life creetin. You ra- ra-" he couldn't even say it. "you...attacked my sister. You don't deserve my mercy." he said through gritted teeth, the sound of Peter's sobs fueling his fire.

"You are just like your sister. You don't have the stomach." he sneered. With one last shout of pure fury, Edmund slit the man's throat in one quick motion, feeling pleasure from killing someone for the first time in his entire life. The sound of Peter's whimperings and pleadings for her to wake up brought him back to reality. His sword clattered against the stone floor and moving faster than he had ever run in his life, he threw himself beside his sister, gently nudging Peter aside. Tears caught in his throat as he grabbed her icy cold hands in his trembling ones.

He bit back a strangled cry when he forced himself to look up at her face. A deep bruise was blooming across her temple. A soft trail of blood trickled down her face from a deep gash in her cheek and both cheeks were red and sore looking. Her lips were almost white and her hair was tanlged and knotted around her battered face. His blood boiled and his head spun when he saw the trail of bruises along her neck and snaking across the tops of her shoulders. His eyes wondered down to the short deep slash just under her collar bone and the dark blood trailing down the front of her dress. The hem of her dress was tattered and torn and there were even purple bruises on her ankle and foot.

He had never seen anything so...horrifying in his life. His sweet, gentle, loving sister who had never done anything to deserve this, battered and bruised by that man's hand. His rough hands trembled violently as he rose a shaky hand to her cheek and tenderly rubbed the back of his fingers down his sister's bruised cheeks. "Susan? Su! Can-can you hear me?" he whispered shakily, the tears catching in his throat. Susan flinched and mumbled something incoherently, before her hands started shaking in and her cheeks paled. "Come on Edmund, we don't have much time. We have to get out of here, quick," Peter said, struggling to keep his voice even (and failing miserably).

Edmund nodded slowly, a tear slipping out of his dark brown eyes. Carefully, he slid one hand behind Susan's knee and the other around her back and lifted her gently in his arms. She flinched and cringed for a single moment but was completely motionless otherwise. The two brother's briskly walked out of the strange room, their faces pale and dead. Lucy and Caspian whirled around at the slight noise. Peter stepped in front of Edmund, trying to block Susan from view. Lucy merely pushed him aside and her hands flew to her mouth and tears started flowing out of her eyes. Caspian saw her out of the corner of his eye and whipped around, his eyes widening and his face turning a ghostly white. His legs started shaking and he felt his heart slam into his chest.

Edmund shouldered his way past the two stunned guards who looked very similiar to the horror-stricken Lucy and Caspian standing not two feet from them. Peepicheep and Trumpkin dared not speak. They were absolutely horrified. They all were.

Wordlessly, the seven horror stricken, pale, trembling party ran down the passages frantically. They were getting so close to being out of that horrible place. They could see the huge double doors of the palace when they heard angry shouts and pounding feet on marble floor. Edmund awkwardly gripped Susan and reached across his body to draw his sword, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead. Caspian's eyes flicked over to his friend and he siddled up beside him. "Edmund I'll take her, you're the better swordsmen and if it comes down to it we're going to need your sword more than mine. I can carry her," he said gently, putting a firm hand on his friend's shoulder. The guards were getting closer. Edmund looked down at his battered sister and then at Caspian reluctantly. When the shadows of the souldiers crept around the corner, he hastily put Susan in Caspian's sure arms and drew his sword properly.

They were so close. They were almost at the door. They had to get out, they had to get out...

Peter reached the huge door first and threw himself at the locked door. The blood was pounding in his ears as the others joined him and finally the old doors creaked open and they burst out into the moonlight valley. For the first time all night, the thought of what they were going to do when they got out and how they were actually going to get away donned on the three young kings and little queen. His heart almost gave out in relief when he spotted six horses saddled up and ready to go, lingering anxiously on the outskirts of the valley.

Five seconds later Caspian carfully set Susan up on a horse, swung himself up behind her, tenderly wrapped his arms loosely around her waist and started as fast as he could towards the safety of Cair Paravel and away from that awful pit.


	17. There's No Place Like Home

Caspian paced furiously in front of the door to the physician's room. His head was starting to spin and he was pretty sure he was wearing a hole in the carpet but he couldn't have cared less. His love was in there. And he wasn't. He had been kicked out when the physician told Lucy to start on Susan's dress so the physician could examine all the injuries properly. Edmund and Peter were allowed to stay of course because they were family but Caspian had been banished to the hallway. The wait was agonizing. They had finally reached the gates to Cair Paravel nearly four hours ago and no had come out or gone in the physician's room and he had absolutely no idea what was going on in there. He of course had wanted to stay with Susan but had been ushered out so quickly by Peter that he had had no say in the matter whatsoever.

His hands were still buzzing from the adrenaline that was still pumping through his body from the mad dash back to the Cair. He could still feel Susan's limp body against his chest and the blood dribbling down his fingers locked gently around her waist. Her breathing had been soft and ragged, as if every breathe hurt horribly. He could barely see straight the whole race over there he was so scared and angry. Rabadash's guards had been on their heels the whole time. At one point Caspian could all but feel an enemy's horse's hot breath on his back. Poor Destrier was covered in foam and his body was trembling uncontrollably with the effort. He had never seen anything move as fast as that horse had sprinted in his whole life. For a while there Caspian truly thought that the guards were going to catch up to them and that would be it. They had come so close to being captured so many times...

The only thing that had saved their lives was the river. (AN: they went a different way coming than going). The raging, wild,icy river that eventually lead into the sea on the shore of Cair Paravel. The horses had reared and whinnied on the bank but the royals managed to calmly lead their terrified horses across that raging river. Caspian had never been so utterly terrified in his whole life. The foamy water was swirling up around his knees and Destrier was struggling horribly just to keep his head above the water. Several times Susan had almost fallen into the dark swirling water. His bloor ran cold at the thought of her unconsious body in that swirling black would forever amaze him how the icy river water was not even enough to bring the gentle queen out of her unconsiousness. All Caspian remembered from their perilous swim in the river was looking over his shoulder to see the guards' horses backing away from the shore and refusing to step foot in the raging river and holding Susan so close that she would of been behind him if she had been any closer.

And now here he was, in the dark hallway in the Cair, all alone, pacing. All he could see was her mangled body in his arms, her blood soaking his shirt. He had been pacing out there for four long hours and he still hadn't heard a word about her condition or if the doctor thought she was going to be okay. The wait was eating away at him, peice by peice. He couldn't _stand _not knowing what was going on. He should be in there, holding her hand. But he was out here. In the hallway. Pacing.

"My King! Thank Aslan you are alright!" a flustered voice boomed and Caspian jumped. Doctor Cornelius rushed down the hallway and uncharacteristically pulled Caspian in for a paternal hug. "Be still my heart, are you alright? You look dreadful. Oh my boy, we were so _worried._ We all thought the five of you had decided to spend a night out under the stars but when your horses came back without riders, we started to get worried. Then three hours later when you still weren't back we sent out a search party,'' the kind old man babbled nervously, wringing his hands. Caspian was only half paying attention. His eyes were darting obsessively to the door in case someone came out to get him or he heard even a slight noise.

The professor sighed and patted the young king's arm comfortingly. "How is she?" he asked with concern. Caspian groaned and sank down onto the hallway floor, his head in his hands. "How would I know?I'm stuck out here and she's in there!" he said miserably. Professor Cornelious stood awkwardly above the miserable king for moment, unsure of what he was supposed to say or do to make his son in all but blood feel better. Eventually the older man sank down on the carpet nect to Caspian and clapped him on the shoulder gently. The wise professor cringed at the desperate, defeated look in the younger man's eyes when he looked up at him.

"I'm sure the Gentle Queen will be fine. She is young and strong and her body will heal in time. She is only seventeen, I believe, and the bruises and cuts will fade but the real scars will be mental and emotional. She is going to be in bad shape pyshcologically for while, especially concidering she had already met that man and had a similiar experience. And when you go in there and see her, you need to be prepared. She might be terrified of you, she might shy from your touch, she may not want you near her." the professor said nervously, slightly apprehensive of Caspian's reaction to that theory.

Caspian's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. That thought had never even crossed his mind. He couln't even i_magine_ having to avoid going to see her and stay with her every night becuase she was afraid of him. The thought was unbearable.

The professor, seeing the panic in the young kings eyes quickly clarified himself. "If I may be so bold my boy, she loves you very,_ very_ much and I know how deeply you care for her and I am sure she knows that you would never hurt her and are the absolute opposite of the man who, um, hurt her so badly. She knows that, her brothers know, the whole kingdom knows that but it may be something she won't be able to control. Who knows, she might not even want her own brothers around her. Now it is imppossible to predict how she will react to this sort of trauma and I am sure she trusts you enough but I just want to prepare you."

Caspian looked up at the old man again with his dark brown eyes which were now a mask of misery. "What should I say when I see her? How am I supposed to act? Should I continue like nothing ever happened or-" the professor cut him off. "Just let her know how much you care for 't ignore what happend, but don't make her talk about it until she is ready. Don't make her go through that again. Don't make her family go through that."

* * *

><p>Caspian jumped when the heavy door creaked open and two very weary, very dilapadated brothers absently stumbled out into the chilly hallway. Their hair was messy and unkempt, their skin sagged beneath their glassy eyes and both looked about fifty years old. For the first time, Caspian was able to see the many years they had lived before him on their faces. He scrambled to his feet before the two absent kings.<p>

"How is she? Is she alright? What did Gabriella say? How long is she going to be in bed? How bad is it? Is she still unconscious? Did she wake up at all? Did you talk to her? What did you say? What did she say?Where's Luc-'' Peter held up a hand and wearily motioned towards the door. "You can go see her now." he said quietly. "Gabriella gave her something to make her sleep so she is going to be out for a while." the golden haired king said wearily, as if dealing with an overly inquisitive toddler. Without another sound Caspian pushed past the awe-struck kings and froze on the threshold of the physician's room, speechless. It was like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

The room was cluttered with hot tubs of water, dirty bandages, ice packs and wet towels. Gabriella, (the physician) and about four handmaids were bustling about the room, whisking bandages off the roll and ringing out sopping towels. And right in the center of all the clutter and bustle was a huge queen sized bed. And in the center of that bed was Susan. His heart twisted painfully at the sight of his soul mate lying there, bruised and battered. Her face was dirt and tear free but had been replaced with several stitches and bandages. Even her hands were covered with white bandages. Her chest was purple and black, her neck covered in bruises, her arms covered with small cuts, and her jaw and entire face was spotted with yellow and purple bruises. He sucked in a breath.

Lucy was perched on the side of her bed, dabbing at her sisters temple with a warm towel. She heard footsteps and immediately twisted around. The youngest queen set the washcloth down and walked up to Caspian, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his shirt, drawing strength from his warmth. "She's in bad shape," she whispered shakily into his shirt. Caspian stiffened when she pulled back just a little to look at his face. "There's...blood and bruises on every _inch _of her body and she keeps mumbling and tossing and turning and thrashing in her sleep, something about a few floors away..." she mumbled, shaking her head sadly. She sighed, holing back her obvious tears. "Gabriella said she is going to be just fine physically in a few weeks. She has a fractured rib, stiches on her cheekbone and chest,and this huge gash on her stomach, it almost goes all the way across her entire abdomen. And even her back is just...black and blue from the stone." she said, the tears now flowing freely.

He pulled her in for one more hug and brotherly kissed the top of her head. There was something about Susan and Lucy's hugs that just...revived him. Made him strong. Made him feel _loved._ Their hugs were warm and comforting and filled him with a new strength. They reminded him wonderfully of his mother's hugs. He sighed. Almost seventeen years had passed since his mother died and he still missed her and his father every day. The faint memory of his mother almost brought tears to his eyes but the sight of Susan so battered and bruised actually did. He had a perfect view of her over Lucy's shoulder. Wordlessly, he pried Lucy's arms from around his waist and absently stumbled over to her bedside, Peter and Edmund on his heels.

Not only was her face stiched up and bruised but even in sleep, she looked terrified. And he certainly did not like the way she was mumbling to herself and tossing and turning in the bed. With not so much as a sideways glance at the other three Pevensie's, he perched himself on the side of her bed and grabbed her hand nd stroked the her cheek with the back of his other hand. His heart ached and twisted when he felt how clammy and cold she was. She flinched noticably at his touch and started mumbling and shifting even more. His heart sank and he pulled his hand away as if he had touched something hot. Professor Cornelious was right. She wasn't even awake and she was scared ofhim. He could feel his throat closing up as she started to mumble louder and louder and was almost thrashing in her covers. The three kings all looked at eachother in alarm as her mumbles turned into words and her words turned into screams. Desperate, hopeless, terrified, heartwrenching screams that torn at their hearts and made their stomachs plummet.

She started thrashing and turning and screaming wildly, desperately, as if her life depended on it. Peter immediately grabed her gently but fiercely by the shoulders and started to shake her gently. "Su, Susan wake up! Susan! You're safe, everything is okay." He was whispering comfortingly in her ears but she continued fighting him like he was the enemy, thrashing and pulling and shaking out of his gently grasp. "Susan stop! Stop, it's Peter, it's _Peter, your brother!" _he yelled over the her screams but to no avail. At the sound of his name Susan paled and started trembling and sobbing and moaning as if her heart would break. Deep, gulping sobs that struck fear to your very core. She just kept moaning and sobbing until Edmund finally shoved Peter, Lucy and Caspian out of his way and threw himself on the bed next to his sister. He grabbed her hands protectively in his and leaned over her, a determined look in his dark eyes. The two middle Pevensie's had always had a special connection and as soon as he grabbed her hands she calmed just a litttle, still thrashing and screaming though not as wildly.

"Susan, Susan listen to me, listen to me! I know you're tired and I know it hurts but you have to wake up okay; you have to wake up. We're home, we're back in the Cair and we escaped and everthing is okay. And don't worry about that scummy prince, I took care of him. He isn't ever going to bother you again. Peter is fine, Lucy is fine, Caspian is okay, Im okay, everything is okay" he said firmly, stroking small circles on the back of her hand. She sobbed even harder and her wails were even more desperate and pathetic. Edmund's face fell and he continued shaking her, talking to her, holing her but to no avail. Between sobs he could vaguely make out her whispered apologies and her vehement pleading and begging for it to stop. He could only guess what her nightmare was about.

Desperately, he looked around at the room for something to wake her up from her awful nightmare. He couldn't stand to see her screaming and wailing and sobbing like that. His eyes spotted a glass of water and, hating himself the whole time, he closed his eyes and threw the cold water over his writhing sister, prepared to face her wrath later.

"Edmund!" Lucy screamed in dismay.

Finally, Susan's blue eyes snapped open and she screamed, spluttering and choking on the cold water. Edmund braced himself for her to scream and yell but she looked up at him with her big watery eyes and studied his face for a split second. Her face looking strangely scared and childlike, so much different from the usual look on her face. "Edmund? Ed? Is that you? What-what the-? What are you doing here?" she said in a trembling voice, her eyes wide and terrified and almost... _ashamed_. "Yes Su, it's me. It's Edmund and we're all here, in Gabriella's room at ho-" he was cut off as she flung her arms around his neck, sobbing brokenly into his shirt.

"Oh my god. O my god Edmund. Edmund!" she spluttered through her heartwrenching sobs, her fists clenching powerfully in his shirt. She burried her head deeper into his chest, relishing in the sound of his heart beating. She had never heard anything so wonderful in her entire life. Her baby brother. Her rock and her saviour.

"I thought you were dead." she whispered shakily into his shirt, tears sliding down her cheeks in torrents, soaking his thin shirt and sliding down his cold skin. She sniffed and let out another enormous sob. Her voice was hoarse and high pitched (like everyone's is when you least want it to be)."I-I thought you were _gone_, I thought you were dead, I thought you were gone forever and it was all my fault and if I had just done what he wanted and just listened to him and-and" she broke down sobbing again. Edmund sat there a bit awkwardly at first, a tad speechless. He looked hopelessly at the rest of his family. Caspian was looking very much like he wanted to say something, Lucy was smiling encouragingly at her youngest big brother, and Peter looked almost..._jealous._When he finally got his breath back (she was hugging him quite tightly) he patted her gently on her bruised back, wrapping his other arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to him. Almost reluctantly, as if he was unsure of whether he was allowed to touch her or not, he brought up his other hand to run through her hair and down her back soothingly.

"It was just a dream. We're all here and we're all okay. And so are you. And I'm not going anywhere. _We_'re not going anywhere. We are going to stay with you every minute for as long as it takes. We won't ever leave you. Ever. I promise," he whispered into her hair, turning his cheek to kiss the top of her head and then coming to rest his wet cheek on the top of her shaking, bruised head. "I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I know, I know, kinda angsty and depressing. But i PROMISE things will get better. I promise, from here on out it is going to get gradually lighter and happier. There will probably be some angsty bits and peices but I promise it eill get better for Susan and her family. Plus, I am hoping to fit in more Suspian moments :) Oh,and one of my faithful reviewers pointed out so graciously to me that considering this is a Post VDT fic, Reepicheep should be in Aslan's country. I apologize for my flub. Anyway, drop me a line and let me know what you think:)<strong>


	18. The Light and the Dark

"_I could do it you know. They are only a few floors down love. If you really want to have the blood of your family on your hands I could send for them." He rasped, pulling his face barely an inch away from hers, mockingly stroking his fingers along her cheeks. She felt the sharp edge of the jagged stone floor jab into her spine and his knees dig sharply into her stomach. She shook her head frantically, desperately. She felt as if her throat was being squeezed by an iron hand and she didn't trust herself to speak. Her whole body hurt. Her face, her head, her neck, her back, her chest, her stomach, her thighs, her calves, her feet, her fingers. It was like a blazing pit of fire was on top of her, burning and bruising every inch of her body. But whenever she looked up it was just him; his cruel, sharp face not an inch from her own._

_She was drifting in and out of consciousness but his cruel laughter and her own high pitched screams reverberated again and again in her head. She was exhausted, scared out of her wits, her head was throbbing and her whole body was aching with the effort of holding back her tears. Her skin crawled and tingled every time she felt the flat of his cold blade pressing against her flesh. He let out a frustrated growl and slammed his lips into hers for what seemed like the fiftieth time. Every fiber of her being screamed and cried and wailed but it was like she was frozen in time, watching herself from above. She was trapped. He had her pinned down. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, and couldn't even think. _

_She was so terrified and lost and scared but not for herself. She deserved her punishment. She hadn't listened to her brothers and sister all those years ago. She had failed to see the monster under the handsome face and flowery words. And now she was paying for it, just like Narnians had paid for it with their lives. And yet, it wasn't her she was worried about. _

* * *

><p>Susan's cerulean eyes snapped open and she sat upright in bed. She bit her lips and pressed a cold hand to her belly to suppress the scream building in the back of her throat from the instant pain that greeted her with every movement. She flopped back on her pillows, gasping in pain. She looked wildly about her in a panic. This room seemed slightly familiar but she had no idea where she was. It certainly wasn't that queer dungeon Bonecrusher had lead her to. Her eyes fell on a cold hand on her shoulder and she almost screamed until she saw who the hand belonged to. Relief and warmth flooded over as she looked down at her baby brother stretched out next to her on the bed, his right arm gently hanging across her back and resting on her shoulder. Her baby brother who was always, <em>always <em>there for her. He was okay. He was alive.

She spotted a flash of something orange on her other side and sighed in relief to see Lucy curled up against her side, the tracks of several tears visible on her face. She was okay. She was alive.

Tears blurred her vision as she noticed her whole family clustered nearby. Peter was sitting up against the bed board at the foot of her bed, a troubled look on his handsome face. Her sweet, over protective brother who only wanted what was best for her because he loved her and only wanted to protect her. He was okay. He was alive. She thought her heart would burst with love for her family. They were all here, they were all here for her. And they were was only one person missing…

"Hey, look who just woke up," a soft, tender voice whispered from nearby and Susan jumped. Her heart leapt and somersaulted inside of her. She couldn't help releasing a sob of was Caspian, curled up in an armchair beside the bed, his arm stretched over Lucy at an awkward angle, holding her hand. Caspian had felt her hand move to her stomach when she shot up and the movement instantly woke him from his restless sleep. She wanted to scream and wail and cry she was so happy. He was okay. He was alive.

She looked at him for a moment through her tears, searching for the words that always seemed to escape her in his presence. She opened her mouth to tell him how happy and relieved she was that he was safe and how much she loved him but only a big, painful gust of air came out.

He squeezed her hand and stood up slowly from the chair, stretching out his free arm and not once loosening his grip on her clammy hand. He had been so insanely worried about her. Acting on impulse, he leaned over Lucy and bent down to kiss Susan but stopped almost instantly, feeling horribly ashamed and insensitive. She probably _really_ did not want to be touched right now after all she had been through...

He had started to rear his head back and straighten himself when he felt her grip his hand weakly and frail pull him back down towards her. She smiled feebly at the confusion in his eyes and stretched herself up off of her comfy pillow as far as she could without screaming to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. Her whole body tingled and trembled from the warmth of his body and the feel of his skin.

"I love you," she said in a small, trembling voice, tracing along his jaw softly with the very tips of her aching fingers. He smiled and gently twined his fingers in the hand tracing his face and kissed her palm. "I love you too. So, so much," he whispered, his dark eyes drawing her in. "You cannot even imagine how much," he said as he gently stroked circles on the back of her cold hand with his thumb. She smiled and pulled her other hand out of his to brush a lock of dark wavy hair out of his face. "Oh yes, I can." she replied hoarsely in a strangled, broken voice. She looked away, her eyes glassy and tear filled. Caspian gently placed his hand on the side of her face, avoiding brushing against a purple bruise and carefully turned her head towards him, the tears in her beautiful eyes tearing him apart. Cautiously, watching her eyes the whole time,he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead, relishing in the feeling of her skin against his lips. How he loved her...She was his everything. Before her, he had nothing. A cruel, backstabbing, two faced,hard,evil, murderous uncle and a distant aunt. But she had given him everything.

He pulled back and couldn't help but wince at the bruises and cuts staring him in the face. "How-how are you feeling?" he asked, trying to keep the waver out of his voice. Although he would never admit it, he had stayed up the entire night, too afraid of the nightmares he knew waited for him.

Susan bit her lip. She had just been attacked by a man whose memory had been tormenting her for years and who until quite recently she believed to be dead. _How does he think I feel? Weak, pathetic, terrified, guilty, sore, angry, used, exposed, humiliated, confuse, violated, cheap, easy,traumatized, ashamed, embarrassed._

"Better."

Caspian narrowed his eyes, not convinced. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry? Do you need another blanket; you were shivering in your sleep. Would you like me to fetch Gabriella to check on the…stitches?" he asked weakly, feeling helpless and insensitive under her devastated stare.

She raised herself to sit up, her face involuntarily twisting in pain. Caspian immediately reached over Lucy and as gently as he could manage, grabbed her upper arm and slowly and carefully pulled her up on her pillows, trying to erase the image of the pain in her face from his memory. He froze as he felt Lucy waking up underneath him. She groaned softly and stretched her arms, her little eyelid fluttering open. "Oh good morning Caspian!" she said absently, immediately turning to her older sister whom she expected to still be unconscious. She gave a small gasp when she met the blue eyes of her sister who was most definitely conscious. Her eyes lit up.

"Oh Susan you're awake! "She squealed excitedly, throwing her arms around her sister. Susan's eyes widened and she bit back a shriek of pain but couldn't help letting a soft groan escape her lips. Lucy instantly sprang off the bed. "Oh I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I forgot! I didn't mean to I'm sorry!" she exclaimed almost hysterically, causing Edmund to groan and pull his pillow over his face.

"Lucy," he moaned, "it's much too early for you to be shrieking like that! Some of us actually don't have an unlimited supply of energy and need to sleep," he groaned turning onto his side. Susan laughed hoarsely and with much effort and pain pulled the pillow off of her brother's head and ruffled his dark hair with her sore fingertips. "Come on sleepy head," she whispered, her voice crackling and rasping horribly. Lucy and Caspian both cringed as the sleeve of her nightdress slid up, revealing a long, deep, dark red cut across the back of her forearm. Edmund threw the pillow off his face and shot up. "You're up!" he shouted, wrapping his arms around his sister with a touch more concern for her injuries than the enthusiastic Lucy. She gasped and dug her nails into her thigh to keep from yelling when he brushed against the deep cut on her stomach. Edmund pulled away carefully. "Sorry! Forgot," he said apologetically. Susan nodded through her gritted teeth. "It's okay."

The happiness left his eyes and concern and a flicker of guilt crept into them instead. He looked up at her and brushed a curl away from her face. "How are you feeling?" he said quietly. She looked up at him with her sad, pleading eyes. Edmund's cheeks burned. "Sorry, stupid question,'' he mumbled. Susan laid back onto the pillows and gasped, grabbing her stomach in pain. Caspian Lucy and Edmund instinctively moved towards her but she held up a shaking hand. "I'm fine. I'm fine," she said to her worried family although it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

"Are you sure about that?" Peter's deep, melancholy,cold voice said quietly from the end of the bed, the last to wake up. Susan looked up and her eyes connected with her older brothers for a few seconds, hundreds of silent words passing between the two. "Peter don't." she said quietly lowering her tear glazed eyes and shaking her head dismissively.

"Whatever this is Susan it's not okay. You're not okay look at you!" he thrust a hand mirror at his little sister and for the first time she saw herself like her siblings had seen her for the last three days she spent unconscious. Her face was black and blue with ugly, fat bruises, the stitches on her cheekbone staring her straight in the face. Angry, red cuts an slashes dotted her pale skin. She gasped and dropped the mirror, her hand shakily rising to her face, bitter tears burning her eyes. Lucy shook her head disbelievingly "Peter...''

Susan's lips started trembling and she dropped her head into her hands, sobbing hysterically. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," she mumbled miserably. Peter's eyes got wider and he clenched his fists. "_You're _sorry? _You're _sorry? You got _raped _and _you're _sorry_?"_ he all but screamed at her. They all cringed and felt hot tears build up behind their eyes at the use of the word that had been first in their minds from the second they heard her screams from that room. Susan blanched and shook so violently she thought she would split in two.

"Peter you're not helping..." Lucy said softly through the lump in her throat. "Peter stop it. You're upsetting her just stop it.." Edmund said quietly, pressing his lips firmly together and gently patting Susan's arm. He wanted to cry when she cringed and pulled herself away from him. Caspian just shook his head slowly and bit his lip. It was not his place to speak, although he wondered how angry Susan would be if he punched her brother in the face.

Peter paled and seemed quite surprised at the word's that had unexpectedly popped out of his mouth. He could feel the shame and guilt pouring out of him in waves as he looked at his battered, trembling, sobbing, miserable sister curled up in bed, so scared and vulnerable. Peter took a small step towards her, feeling like a horrible insensitive idiot. "Susan..."

"But that's just it," she said in a small quaking voice. She took a deep breath. " He didn't rape me." she said painfully, as if the awful word was being torn out of her lips by thorns. The four other royals snapped up their heads simultaneously. "WHAT?" she cringed at the ear splitting noise.

"Not-not really anyway," she mumbled uncomfortably. She had never felt so humiliated in her life.

Peter threw himself on the bed next to Susan, a small flame of hope flaring inside of him. She kept her gaze away from her brother. She would never be able to look him in the eye again. "He wanted to. He tried to, several times" she whispered with the same dead, hopeless look they had all seen before. She felt Caspian stiffen from across the bed."He kissed me and his hands... went for my corset ...over and over and over again." she sobbed into her hands, her nightmare playing in her head like a broken record. The lump in her throat was slowly suffocating her. "That's all. You two stopped him." she said almost incoherently. _That's all?_ Caspian thought bitterly, glancing at all her bruises and scrapes. His blood boiled beneath his skin.

Before she knew it, a pair of strong, shaking arms were wrapped around her quivering body, suffocating her. Without hesitation, she shoved her face into her oldest brothers shoulder and for once let herself gall apart. She gasped and sobbed and spluttered and choked for who knows how long. All the fear and pain and guilt came pouring out of her. She looked up in surprise when she felt a few drops of water on the the top of her head sliding down her hair and down the back of her neck. She felt a soft pat on her back and bristled involuntarily, cringing at the expression on Caspian's face. She couldn't stand this. She just wanted to forget it ever happened.

"I'm sorry Susan. I'm so so sorry, I should of protected you and been there and-this is all my fault" Edmund said miserly, his own tears coming. Susan twisted around in Peter's arms so fast she nearly knocked out his front tooth. "Don't you DARE _ever _say that in front of me AGAIN Edmund Pevensie! How dare you even try to pretend for one moment that any of this is your fault! This is all my fault. If I had just listened to you all the first time none of this would have happened-" she said, her hands trembling with anger at herself.

All four of the royals opened their mouths to retort when a soft knock was heard on the slightly open door and a very shy Gabriella poked her head in. "Pardon me your majesties, I could come back later but I do need check up on the queen," the beautiful Telmarine physician said awkwardly. Lucy nodded with a half-smile, grateful for the interruption. "Are you sure, I could certainly come back later dear," she offered warmly. Everyone reluctantly cleared off of the bed and hovered nearby anxiously. Gabriella perched herself on the edge of the bed, feeling the tension hanging in the air.

She settled herself closer to Susan and brushed a long bouncy dark curl out of her big brown eyes. "Now first off, are you feeling any better?" Susan nodded you need anything? I know you don't want to here this but you really need to eat something and get some protein in your system. If you need or want anything at all dear, just say the word." she said kindly. Susan had always been quite fond of the beautiful young woman just a few years older than Peter and was so grateful Gabriella was the one to be taking care of her. She wouldn't have allowed anyone else to see her like this.

Susan sniffed and paused for a minute. "I want to take a bath." she finally said quietly. The Telmarine physician frowned. "I don't know if that's such a good idea with all the stitches and and bumps and bruises,my queen" she said sadly and Susan's face fell. "I _need_ to feel clean again," she nearly whispered, her eyes pleading wildly at the lovely Telmarine physician. Gabriella winced at the despair and pleading in the young queen's eyes. She bit her lip and sighed.

"Well, I do need to change the bandages and clean the cuts so I suppose a bath wouldn't hurt too much. However, I want you to be very careful of the stitches. If you can help it, don't get your face wet." she finally said, half smiling at the look of gratitude and pleasure on her patient's forlorn face.

She stood up with a smile. "I'll will go get my daughters to run a bath upstairs!" she said cheerfully. "Oh, and I'll set out one of King Peter's nice clean bed shirts and a pair of King Edmund's pants for you to put on after your bath," she said mischievously, winking at her wide eyed patient. She laughed. "I know how you prefer them to those awful nightgowns." she said, her brown eyes twinkling as she hurried out of the room. Caspian smiled. How was he that he could totally see her doing just that?

"That was you who took all my pants?" Edmund said in mock relief. "I was starting to think I needed to speak to the maidservants about going in my room. Seriously, I was beginning to think one of them had a thing for me and was going to use some sort of weird voodoo on them to make me fall in love with her or something," he said with a shudder. He had been dead serious but to his surprise Susan and Lucy started giggling uncontrollably. Lucy was starting to choke, rolling around on the floor at Caspian's feet. "Oh Edmund dear, I don't think Karina has a thing for you; it's just her job to wash your disgusting shirts, poor thing," she said through her tears of laughter. Even Susan couldn't stop laughing.

Peter turned to his sister with a raised eyebrow. "You've been wearing my shirts to bed? _That's_ why all my shirts smell like perfume!" he said with a smile. Caspian and Edmund opened their mouths. "Shut up Edmund." Peter said, setting the girls off into another fit of laughter. Gabriella poked her head in through the door. "Your bath is almost ready sweetheart."

Peter laughed loudly. "Okay, let's get you up," he said walking around to the other side of the bed. The smile left Susan's face as she flipped the covers back and put an arm around Peter's shoulders, wincing when he put his arm around her waist. Slowly, he pulled her up off the bed and set her on her feet. She cringed when her bruised foot hit the ground. "You know, I'll carry you upstairs- if you want," Peter offered. Susan shook her head. "No, I can walk. I'm fine." she lied through her teeth. Peter looked at her uncertainly and put his hand on her elbow to guide her. She took couple of steps and stumbled slightly. Caspian moved to grab her other elbow in his gentle hands. Susan smiled at him discreetly,snuggling up to him and for once didn't see anger in her older brother's face. In fact, he was actually _smiling _at them.

She took another faltering step and felt the grip on her elbows tighten. She hid it well but every step sent pain shooting through her whole body. She gritted her teeth and took another step. She felt her knee lock up and she went tumbling to the ground in an undignified heap despite the hands guiding her. Caspian cringed and moved to help her up but Peter wordlessly picked her up off the floor in his arms despite her protest and walked briskly out the door.

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><p><strong>Authors note: OMG i am so sorry! That update took forever! Everyone have a root beer float on me. This chapter was pretty much pure fluff but it was really hard to write and figure out. Oh, and for those of you wondering why Lucy doesn't just use her cordial on Susan, that will be explained in the next chapter which will hopefully include a lot of lucy susan fluff and more Suspian moments, this chapter was lacking in both. Let me know what you think!<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

Susan sighed happily and sunk into the hot bathtub. The hot water burned her cuts and made her stitches burn horribly but it was totally worth it in her book. The scalding water almost seeming to wash away the pain, even for just a split second. When she finally felt the warm water against her skin, she finally felt _normal _for the first time in a week. For that split second she could almost pretend that horrible, awful, agonizing, unbearable hour had never happened. She could pretend, even for just a moment, that she was just her normal, happy self who's biggest concern was whether Caspian liked her dress or not. Until she looked down at herself and saw the deep, angry stitches stretching from her right hip to just under her left ribcage and the tender, swelling bruises covering every inch of her body.

They had come back to Narnia, Caspian was alive (and better yet, single), the country was in no immediate turmoil, none of the surrounding countries were threatening war, and Caspian had told her he loved her. Everything had been perfect. Completely, utterly, totally perfect. But now, now she couldn't even _walk_ without help. Her whole entire life had been totally turned upside down and torn apart in the most brutal, traumatizing, cruel way. She hid it fairly well but she was falling apart at the seams. It took every ounce of determination in her body not to cringe or pull away whenever Peter, Edmund, or even Caspian touched her. She knew that those three were as far from Rabadash as you could_ get_ and that they would _never_ hurt her but she still couldn't push away the feeling of Rabadash on her and sometimes even a tender squeeze or a kiss on the cheek was enough to make her stomach churn. Sometimes.

But sometimes there was this whole other part of her that longed to be touched, to be loved, to be held. She _loved_ the feeling of her brother's arms around her or Caspian's lips on her forehead. She loved to be touched by those she loved, she felt so safe and complete and loved and...alive. Susan had gone an entire year without even an eighth of the love she felt in Narnia and she missed it dreadfully. She loved the feeling of her family and her true love around her, laughing and talking and watching out for her. She loved that. And she always would. But sometimes, the memory was too strong, the nightmares were too real and the humiliation was too much. She shuttered beneath the steaming water of her bath. She just wanted to forget all of this had ever happened. She would have given _anything _to have everything exactly the way it was before that untimely ride to that dratted valley.

She heard the door to the bathroom open and she screamed. Lucy held up her hands in mock surrender. "It's just me! It's just me;if you want I'll go away!'' she said hurriedly. Susan sighed in relief and pressed a hand to her chest. "Lucy you scared me! Don't, don't sneak up on me like that! I though you were uh, someone else," she said with a shudder. Lucy eyes clouded with remorse for her sister. She slowly walked across the steamy bathroom and slumped down onto the floor, leaning her head against the chilly bathroom wall, suddenly feeling very awkward. She shifted uncomfortably on the ground and shuddered despite the sweltering heat in the air. She couldn't even begin to imagine what her sister had gone through...how she wished her cordial hadn't been confiscated by those awful palace guards...

She cleared her throat loudly and stared at the book in her lap after a long pause. "You know Su, I brought this book and I thought that I would read it to you if-"

The door banged open and two wide eyed kings burst frantically into the room.

"Is everything alright? Are you two alright, we heard screaming!" Peter and Edmund yelled simultaneously, looking wildly about the bathroom. (Lucy thought she could her a thick Spanish accent mumbling angrily from outside the door, something about hoping Peter fell down a large hill someday...) Susan's eyes widened and she shot out a sore arm out of the tub and grabbed a towel off the rack quick as lightening and threw it over herself with a loud splash. "Leave! Don't look at me! Get out, get out!" she shrieked, tears forming in her eyes.

Her two shaken brothers immediately adverted their eyes. "Sorry! I'm sorry we just heard screaming and-I'm sorry! I promise I didn't mean to-oh Susan I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sorry,sorry sorry sorry," Peter said, breaking down and feeling his own tears gathering in his eyes, the reality sinking in. For the last four days he had just been in a hazy stupor, the horror and reality of what happened too awful for his brain to comprehend. It was almost like he had been living in someone else's body for the last week, watching the horror movie that was his life. He sank onto his knees in front of the tub, his sea green eyes on fire from the acid tears rolling down his cheeks. He couldn't even begin to imagine what his sister had gone through...

The golden haired king heard several other sobs fill the air and twisted his head to the spot next to him where he younger brother slouched, his own tears splattering onto the cold marble floor. Acid guilt washed over Peter, burning his stomach and singing his throat. A lump built in his throat as he watched his little brother sobbing along with their sisters as if his heart would break. He had been so awful to Edmund. He had treated him just like he had before Narnia. He cringed and almost wanted to vomit as he recalled all the awful things he had said to Edmund in the dungeon. How could he have said all those awful things?

_This is all your fault, I trusted you and you failed me. You are no brother of mine. _

The horrible words rang in his ears along with the sound of his three siblings sobs. He was an awful brother. He didn't deserve to be called brother. Hundreds of scenes of Edmund played in his mind like some demented heart breaking movie his sisters were so fond of watching in England.

Edmund running back into the house for their fathers picture when bombs illuminated the sky, Edmund lying about going to Narnia and making Lucy cry, Edmund speaking to Aslan after his rescue from the witch, Edmund charging down the battlefield after the witch, her cold sword sinking into his flesh, Edmund groaning about going to Calormen, Edmund teasing him about well, everything, Edmund smashing Witch's wall in Peter's moment of weakness, Edmund hovering over him when he was wounded, Edmund splashing around on the beach in front of the Cair, Edmund holding his sisters when they cried, Edmund always being there for him, the look on his face when he told him he was no brother of his, Edmund, Edmund, Edmund.

Edmund had always been there for him, always, no question about it. The night of the raid, the hundreds of nights he lay awake in England worried about Susan, always. Edmund was his rock. And he loved him to death. And he KNEW that as Edmund was laying there on the cold bathroom floor Peter's angry words were ringing in his ears and he was believing them.

What happened to their sister was disgusting and wrong and horrible and barbaric and ghastly and traumatizing and more terrible than you could possibly imagine but it was done. It had happened and no matter how badly they wanted to, they couldn't change it. That's life. That's how it is here. Peter was no fool, he knew you could not change the past...but you certainly could change the future. And right now all he could see in the future was tears, accusations, feuds, nightmares and depression. But he refused to take that as an answer. He refused to believe that there was nothing he could do about what had happened. He could do everything about what happened. Everything would be okay.

Susan's bruises would fade, her cuts would heal and the stitches would come out. Someday she would be as healthy as ever. But something as awful and traumatizing as what happened to her would forever leave permanent scars. She would always look at her stomach and see a long faded scar and be reminded of what Rabadash had tried to do to her. But someday, she would look down at that scar and not feel like she wanted to be dead. She would look down at that scar and feel a twinge of pain and fear and perhaps a glimpse of Rabadash's face but then she would look around at her family and know that she was okay. Because she had people who loved her. Because they had refused to step aside and let her fall into a deep hole of depression. They would be there every moment, every tear and every nightmare. They wouldn't let her fall apart. Peter was her brother and he would be there for her. He refused to let that happen. His sister would be okay. She would learn not to shy away from a man's touch because not all men are like Rabadash and those who are will face the music. She would learn that what happened to her was no one's fault and to forgive herself for a crime she didn't commit.

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><p>Susan must of stared at the fishbowl for at least twenty-five minutes, trying to forget it all, wishing this wasn't her life. Everything had been so perfect. Her life was like that one perfect family photo you manage to capture while holding the camera as far away from your face as you possibly can. You know, the one where you're sitting on the beach with the wind blowing your hair across you face, your perfect boyfriend hugging you from behind and kissing your cheek while your little brother is stretched across your lap holding his stomach from laughing and you can see your little sister on your older brother's shoulders standing behind your boyfriend. The sun is just setting and you are all laughing and smiling because this moment is so utterly perfect that the thought of it ending is actually making you want to cry.<p>

But now the frame is broken, the glass is cracked and the picture is torn to pieces scattered on the floor. Her life had been perfect but now all that left was ashes. It was like her body was constantly on fire. Her stitches burned, her bruises swelled, her cuts stung, her muscles ached. She bit her dry lip until the blood flowed and winced, sliding down under the soft covers of her bed. She was still warm from her bath and Caspian had insisted on changing her sheets himself and the fabric was worn and soft and seemed to radiate comfort. She pulled the covers up to her chin and was hit with an intoxicating, glorious smell that sent tingles through her spine.

She pulled the cozy quilt up to her nose, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. It was the most wonderful, intoxicating, unique combination of warm leather, the woods, fresh grass, hay and some other wonderful, musky sweet scent she couldn't place that almost made her crazy. She smiled and he eyelids fluttered open. She would know that smell anywhere. Caspian.

The handsome devil had snuck into her room and was sitting on the side of her bed, grinning massively. Tentatively he reached out his warm fingers and touched her cheek lightly, relishing in the smoothness of her skin. Her heart fluttered and a slow blush crept upon her cheeks. "You're so wonderful," he whispered warmly and her heart melted. "I don't know why Aslan thinks I deserve someone as perfect as you." he whispered. Susan smiled. ''You're so sweet," she said, her voice cracking horribly.

His heart caved and he gently leaned across the bed and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I love you," he whispered and she smiled. "I love you," she replied, weakly squeezing his hand. She saw something flicker in his eyes and she frowned, her skin stretching tight across her stitches.

He paused and then sighed dejectedly. ''How could something like this happen to someone as sweet and gentle and...amazing as you?" he blurted out in a whisper, surprised at himself. She ducked her head, tears beginning to fall out of her clear blue eyes. Caspian instinctively layed down on the bed next to her and wrapped one arm around her shoulders gently and tenderly brought her head to rest in the crook of his neck, his heart being eaten out of his chest by her tears. She flinched slightly and pulled away from him, a look of panic flashing through her eyes for about a half of a second. Caspian tried his very hardest not to take this personally.

"Love, I am not him."He ooked her straight in the eyes. "I love you with everything I have and I promise, I am not going to hurt you or touch you or..harm you in any way. I want to hold your hand without you flinching and I want you to kiss me without seeing his face in your mind. I'm not like him. I will never be like him. So that's why I'm going to give you this,'' he said, pulling something out of his shirt pocket. Susan sucked in a breath as he gently fastened a simple, heart shaped necklace hanging on a silver chain around her neck. The little heart was small and delicate and had three tiny little diamonds running along the curved side of the heart. She fingered it gently, a different sort of tears leaking out of her eyes. He kept his hands on the back of her neck just a moment longer than necessary and gently leaned down and brushed his lips across her shoulder, avoiding the purple bruises from that other man...

Susan shivered, but not from fear or reluctance but something totally different. She turned around to look at him, her eyes shining with admiration. He took a deep silent breath and cautiosly grabbed her trembling hand in his battle scared one. ''I want you to wear this as my promise to you;my promise to take care of you forever. My promise to put you before myself and protect you always to the best of my abilities. To treat you with respect and dignity, not do anything past kissing, and treat you like you deserve to be treated;because you deserve to protected and loved and respected and taken care of. You are my everything, my only thing," he almost whispered, his deep voice trembling with emotion. He loved her so...

Susan couldn't even speak she was so touched. How on earth did she get so lucky? Caspian was just...perfect. He didn't tell her he loved her a million times a day like the many other suitors she had in her previous lifetime but rather showed her a million times a day. Even just simple gestures, like this, made so much to her that sometimes she just wanted to hug him and never let go. He had a beautiful way with words and she melted whenever he looked at her with those dark, soulful, beautiful beautiful eyes. And he had been so good to her since the incident, giving her space but spending time with her, not forcing her to talk about it but comforting her. She was a thousand times more than anything she had ever imagined in her wildest dreams..

She looked up at the handsome Telmarine king, trying to force the words pass the lump in her throat. She chuckled when she detected the worried, very anxious look on her love's face. She hadn't said anything yet and he was getting quite worried. ''Love, sweet, are you alright..." he trailed off, utterly confused and hopelessly nervous. He was so adorable when he was confused...

She opened her mouth to speak but only a large gust empty gust of air came out. She shook her head at her silliness and threw her arms around his neck and slammed her lips into his, ignoring the seering pain the sudden movement sent shooting through her veins. She felt Caspian's surprise and then he relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his arm around her waist very carefully and pulled her to him, pressing her against his chest and pressing his palm against the small of her back, rubbing small circles along her sore back. His body felt like it was on fire where she touched him and her scent was so intoxicating he felt like he was going to faint. Finally after what seemed a lifetime, they pulled away needing air and Caspian rested his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes warmly, stroking the crude stitiches on her face with the back of his hand.

"I love you...more than my own life," she whispered and he smiled, wrapping his arms around her in a half hug and pulling her as close to him as he possibly could, kissing the top of her head and stroking her long curls methodicallly. Despite her absolute euphoria Susan couldn't repress a yawn and Caspian, his chivalrous side kicking in, laid her down gently on the bed and arranged the pillows on her bed and tucked her in. He moved to leave but Susan grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back down. He sighed in defeat and shuffled around on the bed, trying to get comfortable on top of the sheets. For the second time that night he wrapped one arm around Susan's back and she fitted her head into his shoulder and snuggled up close to him, every ounce of fear and hesitation from his touch completely gone. Maybe, just maybe, this part of her life would always be perfect..

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><p><strong>whew, that took forever! Lots of Suspian fluff. I'm thinking probably only a couple more chapters. I am seriously considering a sequel, probably mostly fluff. Please let me know what you think about a sequel and whether this story is worth continueing or not!<strong>


	20. Second Chance

**Alrighty so i am thinking one more chapter after this one and then if you guys are into it *hint hint* starting on the sequel which will be much more happy and cheerful but also exciting. hopefully. Without any further ado i give you, chapter 20 P.S this chapter continues on the previous morning of the last chapter**

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><p>Peter spent the whole night tossing and turning, thrashing and mumbling. Awful nightmares plagued him the whole night and his pillow was wet with the tears from the horrible, disgusting, haunted images his sub conscious created of his sister in the hands of that man. His jaw ached slightly from biting down on his pillow to prevent himself from screaming. He went completely mad with rage every time that man's cruel face appeared in his awful nightmare and he had a feeling by the bruise on his knuckles that he had punched the headboard several times in the night. Just the thought of that monster all over his sister made him crave the feeling of his sword in his hands. Don't him wrong he was darn glad Edmund had put that creep in his place but he would have given anything to be the one to avenge his sister's health and honor.<p>

The other half of the night was spent with an enormous lump of guilt sitting heavy in his stomach. He was such a jerk. He was _such a jerk!_ He would never forgive himself for the words that had flown out of his mouth at his brother. His brother, the one person who was always there for him. Peter trusted Edmund more than anyone else in the whole word and knew that he felt the same. And he had been the one to fail him. Peter was the older brother. The rock, the protector, the comforter, the strong one. He is a big brother. That is who he is. The responsible one, the protector, the crazy over-protective one. 'Older brother' is him. That's who he is. Even to his friends back in England, he was Big Brother (he wasn't even sure some of them knew his name). It was his _job _to look after his three younger siblings, to be there for them. Always. And he had failed at his job. He had done the exact opposite of what he had strived for so long to do ever since Susan had been born and he had taken on the role of big brother.

He still couldn't BELIEVE that he had actually said those things to his baby brother, no matter how concerned and worried he was about his baby sister. He couldn't the guilt that was slowly eating away at his stomach and tearing at his heart. For someone like Peter, someone so devoted and so set on keeping his family safe and being a good brother, the worse feeling he could possibly feel is the feeling of failure. It had kept him awake until almost one o'clock in the morning and he had finally fallen asleep only to be tormented by devastating nightmares.

Reluctantly, he untangled himself from his sheets and crawled out of bed, sliding on a comfy robe over his soft sleeping shirt (which smelled of his sister) and stumbled down the hallway to his brothers room, his heart beating faster and faster and the guilt once again washing over him in waves. Without even bothering to knock, he quietly pushed open the door to Edmund's room and tip toed in, a smile creeping across his face. There was his brother sprawled diagonally across the bed on his stomach, bothe arms hanging over the edge of the bed and his fluffy pillow over his head. Peter perched himself on his brothers bed and pulled the pillow off his head, ruffling his dark hair. Edmund groaned and swatted at his hand, his face still pressed to the matress. "Lucy," he moaned. "It's just a spider, it' s not going to kill you in your sleep anytime soon. It's much too early to kill spiders; go get Caspian or Peter or... Trumpkin. " he mumbled, yawning.

Peter laughed out loud. ''Is the Just King scared of one teensy wittle spider?" he teased and Edmund rolled over on his back and haphhazardly swung the pillow at Peter's head. "You're the one talk oh Magnificent one, who's the one who went running to me when there was a mouse in the family room?" he countered smartly with a groggy smirk. Peter smirked and casually spread himself down next his brother on the bed, tucking his arms behind his head. Edmund arched an eyebrow at his older brother. "Since when do you come in here to cuddle in the morning? Usually that's Lucy and sometimes Susan, although she tends to go to your room" his eyes lit up, suddenly finding a wonderful new way to tease his older brother. "Of course, she'll probably be going into Caspian's room to cuddle from now on..." he said cheekily and Peter's face went green, causing Edmund to laugh hysterically. Peter groaned and flicked the side of Edmund's head. "Ed, I just got done with another Susan 'cuddling' nightmare. Don't put any new ideas into my brain." he said gloomily and Edmund immediately fell silent, recalling his own Susan nightmares.

They lay in gloomy silence for several moments, neither knowing even where to begin. Peter summoned all his courage and turned to his little brother.

"Ed, what I said back there, in the dungeon, I didn't mean it. It was horrible and untrue and awful and I'm sorry. What he did to her," he gritted his teeth, his fists clenching. "wasn't your fault. You tried to protect her and you looked after her but you can't control the actions of that monster," he growled the last word, his vision blurring with anger. He shook his head "You have always been there for me Ed. And you tease and prank and trick me at least forty times a day but I love you anyway. You did everything you could for our sister and you are in no way responsible for the actions of that dirty pig,"he said, turning his head to look into his brothers dark brown eyes. "We did everything we could but...I suppose, everything happens for a reason," he said uncertainly and Edmund whipped around to look his brother in the face.

"Everything happens for a reason? Everything happens for a _reason?_ You think there was a reason our sister got attacked like that? You think our sweet, gentle, beautiful, amazing sister was attacked for a reason?" he shouted.

"That's not what I meant Edmund. She didn't _deserve_ any of this but it's done. It happened. We can't change it," he said sadly. Edmund shook his head sadly. "I don't understand why this all had to happen. I want to know why my sister is going to spend the rest of her life in fear of every man but us and Caspian and I want to know why she will always be plagued by these horrible nightmares and always have to carry aroung the baggage and memories. And I want to know why -" "Edmund stop. Thats enough." Peter said quietly. He sighed and gripped his brother's shoulder awkwardly.

"Look, i know you're angry and confused and scared and want to know why all this had to happen, so do I, but the important thing is we have to be strong for our sister. Our suffering is nothing compared to hers. We have to let her know that we still love her no matter what and that it what happened to her wasn't her fault. She was the victim and there was nothing she could do to stop him. Just like you," he finished quietly.

"Edmund I am so, so sorry i said those horrible things. I was just so scared and so mad i just don't know what came over me. I was dumb, I was wrong and I'm sorry. You are the best brother anyone could ask for," he said with a lopsided smile.

Edmund grinned. "I love you Peter but sometimes you can be so thick." he said with a half laugh. "Brothers?" Peter smiled. "Brothers." he replied, leaning over and hugging his baby brother who rolled his eyes and hugged his brother back, patting him on the shoulder. He was still quite uncomfortable with people touching him but that wall he put up was slowly breaking down. He pulled back and hopped out of bed stretching. "Let's go check on Su, see if she's awake yet,'' Peter nodded and the two brothers headed out into the hallway. "Say, you haven't seen Caspian yet have you?"

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><p>Caspian's eyelids fluttered open and he looked around the room, confused. It was so...<em>dark<em> in here. And the walls were the wrong color, the curtains were all wrong, there was _carpet _on the floor...this wasn't his room. He felt somthing warm and soft brushing against him and whipped his head around in a panic. His heart melted and ached with love when his eyes rested on Susan curled up against him, a sweet smile spread across her sleeping face. Her left arm was gently flung across his waist, the other placed softly over his heart. She was so beautiful, her hair fanned out across his shoulders and her head nestled adorably in his neck. He carefully turned his head, careful not to disturb her, and lightly pressed his lips to the side of her face, causing her to sigh happily and shift slightly in her sleep. He chuckled and readjusted his grip on the arm around her back, rubbing soft circles over the fading scar on her forearm. He would very much like to wake up every moring like this, and someday, maybe he would.

He wanted so desperately to hear her voice and see her beautiful blue eyes but she had been through so much and she really needed every moment of sleep she could possible get. Instead, he settled for tracing the beautiful features of her face. She was so sweet and kind and good and beautiful. He moved the tip of his fingers down the side of her face, barely tracing the bruises on her lovely face, his heart twisting. How could something so vile and disgusting happen to someone so pure and good?

She shifted with a low, sweet hum and her dark long eyelashes batted up at him a few times before a slow dazzling smile spread across her pale face. Caspian smiled and kissed her cheek, sending a rosy blush across her face. "Good morning," he said softly brushing a curl away from her face. She laughed and pushed herself up to plant a warm kiss on his forehead. "Morning ,"she mumbled, snuggling up to his chest and with a sudden stroke of boldness, pressed her lips briefly on his throat, just beneath his chin, sending fire and heat shooting through his veins. He smiled at the pure happiness and passion was sent through his body.

"You are so...wonderful," he said, his handsome face splitting into an enormous grin. "I love you," he said, cupping the side of her face and leaning in and lightly pressed his lips to hers, taking her breath away. He was so sweet and special and wonderful and sweet and handsome and sweet...

Her hands slid casually around his neck and ghosted through his long hair. He really was too perfect.

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><p>"Hey, Edmund?"<p>

"Hmm?"

"Do-do you think Caspian is going to ask Susan to, you know, marry him?'' Peter said in a very small voice. Edmund turned around and rolled his eyes, sighing exasperatingly.

"Where have you been the last three months? Of_ course_ he is going to ask her to marry him you moron. I wouldn't be surprised if they were engaged by the end of the week," he shook his head at his brothers foolishness. "Honestly Peter, are you sure there's a brain in that big blonde head of yours? I mean, a blind man could see how head over heels in love with her he is. And I'm pretty sure you know _exactly _how she feels about him," he said causing Peter to groan and plug his ears.

Edmund laughed . "Why are you being like this anyway Peter? Caspian loves our sister like I've never seen a man love a woman before. They are disgustingly perfect for each other, even_ I_ can see it and that, my dear brother, is saying something."

"She's only seventeen! " Peter blurted out angrily. "Why does she have to grow up all at once. Just yesterday boys were gross and now she's snogging her boyfriend every chance she gets!'' he ranted.

Edmund stopped walking and put both hands on Peter's shoulders. "I see we are going to have to take this to me **very** carefullly. Caspian is going to take care of our sister. He loves her. She loves him. She's happy;you should be too." he said as if talking to a three year old.

Peter sighed as they turned the hallway leading to Gabriella's patient chambers. "You're right. I suppose Susan isn't going to find anyone better than Caspian so I guess I have no choice. We'll have to talk to Caspian about him and Susan getting... married"he shuddered and turned slightly green. Edmund grinned.

"Well you know he is going to propose whether you like it or not so you might as well give him permission now," he said, pushing the door to Susan's temporary bedroom open.

"Well I guess you're right- OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Peter roared furiously. Edmund stood motionlessly in the doorway, not sure whether he was angry or if the fact Peter walking in on his precious sister cuddling and 'snogging her boyfriend' on the hospital bed was funny. Well, that _was _his sister...

"YOU DIRTY ROTTEN PIG!HOW DARE YOU! HOW _DARE _YOU! AFTER EVERTHING SHE JUST WENT THROUGH WITH RABADASH! HOW DARE YOU, YOU _PIG!'' _the High King sceeched furiously, advancing towards the bed almost frightenly quickly. Susan and Caspian had sprung apart as soon as they had heard the door bang open and were laying there on the bed motionless, more or less terrified of Peter's wrath. Edmund finally came out of his stupor and grabbed the back of Peter's belt, pulling him back from getting ready to lay into Caspian who sprang off of the bed frantically

"Peter I swear I didn't do anything inappropriate with her we were just-"

"I don't need your details," Peter snapped through gritted teeth. He wanted to punch that Telmarine til his head came off. Susan, sensing this, threw the covers off her and struggled to stand up, pressing a palm to the buring cut on her stomach and wincing. Edmund instantly rushed to the side of the bed and uncharacteristically put an arm around her shoulder and supported her over to Peter and then stepped away uncertainly. She put a weak hand on her brother's chest and pushed him feebly away from her love, her eyes wide and pleading.

"Peter please, nothing happened. We were just talking and we fell asleep and-Peter do you really think we would do anything? You know me, you know him, nothing happened I swear. Please believe me. You have to trust me on this nothing happened. Please just trust me Peter," she said almost hysterically but Peter fixed his glare right past her and at Caspian who was an the verge of a mental breakdown. And he had wanted so bad to earn Peter's trust...

"It's not you I don't trust it's _him." _he spat. "How could you Caspian? There I was telling Edmund about how maybe you were good enough for my sister and that I could trust you to take care of her and I walk in on you snogging my sister on her bed like that? " he said in an injured tone. He felt so betrayed.

"Peter listen to me, I love Susan more than you can even imagine and I would never even dream of doing anything to remind her of him. I didn't do anything wrong! Please believe me. I want to take care of her for the rest of my life and I wouldn't ever hurt her like that," Caspian said with such sincerity in his eyes that Peter couldn't help but but calm down just a little.

Lucy bounced into the room yawning, clad in her bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. "What's all the yelling about" she said groggily and Susan groaned. Did her entire family have to witness every embarrasing moment of her life? "Nothing Lu just go back to bed; Peter's just being a moron again," Edmund said. "Susan are you alright, you look sick are you feeling alright?" Lucy asked, stretching up on her tip toes to feel her sisters forehead. "Sweet Aslan Su, you're burning up. Come, let's go see Gabriella, come on let's go." she said authoratively grabbing Susan's hand and hurrying her out the door and down the hallway, casting a frantic look over her shoulder at Caspian. The door slammed and Caspian was left alone with Edmund, who had remained almost totally silent, and a still quite angry Peter.

He took a deep breath. If he was going to do it he had to do it now. "Peter, Edmund, I love your sister. She is my everything. I cannot even begin to describe to you how in love I am with your sister. She...amazing and perfect and beautiful and sweet and I will love her til I die and longer. I know this looked bad but I swear on my father's grave that I didn't compromise her honor or do anything you would not approve of in any way. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I cannot imagine it any other way. I promise to take care of her forever and stay by her side through thick and thin and never leave her. I promise to protect her to the best of my ability and with my own life. I promise to love her forever and put her before my self always. Those three years I spent without her were agonizing and excruciating and Aslan gave me a second chance and I am asking you to do the same. I want to spend the rest of my life with your sister because I love her more than my own life. So I am asking you, when she is ready, for permission for your sister's hand in marriage."

The room was silent except for the beating of Caspian's heart. Edmund looked at Peter who almost looked like he was going to vomit. He clapped his older brother on the shoulder. "Caspian I know you love our sister. I know you will take care of my sister. I am trusting you with the most important thing in my life and if you hurt her your face will become well acquainted with my sword." Edmund said, surprising both kings. Caspian nodded dumbly. "Thank you Edmund. I promise, I will take care of her forever." Edmund nodded. "I know you will."

Peter ran his hands roughly over his face and sighed. "Forty seven."

Caspian furrowed his eyebrows. "Pardon-?"

"That's how many times I've been asked that quesion. Forty seven. And never once have I believed a single word of any of those men's speeches. None of them loved my sister. They loved her looks but they didn't love her. Out of forty seven men not one of them didn't I consider for even a fraction of a second did i consider saying yes. Susan couldn't have cared less about most of them but then you come along and wow. I have never seen anyone look at my sister like you do. And I know you will take care of her. I know you love her. But if you ever do anything to hurt her you will wish you had bever been born. I can't believe I am sayin this but Caspian X, I give you permission to marry my sister...when the time is right.

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><p><strong>There you have it. The second to last chapter. I hope you all liked it. I know there was quite a lack of Lucy but this chapter really needed to focus on the boys and Susan. Hope you all liked it.<strong>


	21. On Bended Knee

**oh my God the last chapter. I think I am going to cry. this thing has been my obsession for the last several months. But don't worry, the story is not over. Look for my sequel that should hopefully be up very soon. Without further ado, the Last Chapter.**

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><p><span>Four Weeks Later<span>

"Good morning everyone!" Lucy chirped cheerfully skipping into the dining room one chilly October Sunday morning and bounced over to her usual place between Susan and Edmund. From behind she wrapped her arms around her youngest big brother who stiffened but patted her arm a tad awkwardly. Lucy kissed her big sister on the cheek and plopped down in her chair and loaded her plate with biscuits, sausage, eggs and pancakes. Susan reached up and brushed a stray lock from her face, her fingertips resting briefly on a long white scar on her forearm. His face flashed in front of her for a moment and her whole body tensed and irratation flicked through her as a tear pricked in the corner of her eye. She gritted her teeth. She was fine. Rabadash was dead. She was okay. "How do you feel today Su?"

The oldest queen snapped her self back into reality and smiled. "Great. I can finally eat something without wanting to vomit!" she said with strained enthusiasm, piling eggs, sausage, a muffin and half a slice of toast onto her plate, tossing the other half of the toast onto her big brothers plate with a smile. In a sudden wave of affection Peter stretched across her plate and grabbed her hand in his with a smile .

Susan cocked her head humorously and arched an eyebrow. "What?"

Peter laughed and squeezed her hand, his green eyes caring and mischievous. "I love you,"

She grinned "I love you too." Susan leaned over her plate and kissed her big brother's cheek playfully. He laughed and ruffled her hair. The Gentle Queen swatted his shoulder and made a big show of throwing her wavy hair into a messy bun only to have Edmund grin impishly and pull the tie out of her hair, sending two feet of shiny brown curls tumbling down her back in soft waves. Lucy laughed asSusan stuck her tongue out at her brother and lobbed a bite of her muffin at his face. They all smiled and were filled with an instant wave of warmth at their sisters happiness.

The two and a half weeks right after the incident had been hell for everyone, nothing but nightmares and fights and tears but it seemed that right after that morning after Peter and Edmund caught Susan and Caspian, everything had started to get brighter. Susan stopped flinching and wincing at every touch and started smiling again. She stopped waking up in the middle of the night screaming although she was still plagued with horrible nightmares and excruciating flashbacks but then she would see her family smiling down at her and she could relax just a little. As long as she was with them, she knew she was safe.

Susan jumped and then smiled as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist from behind and soft warm lips pressed against her cheek. Normally, that tender little touch would have sent her trembling and crying but in Caspian's arms she just felt so safe and loved and protected. "Good morning love," a heavy Hispanic accent whispered into her hair and her heart fluttered. She twisted her head and kissed Caspian's temple, her whole body aching with love.

"Good morning,'' she replied with a smile and warmth flooded over her as Caspian's smile widened at the sound of her voice. "You sure slept late dear,'' she said teasingly as Caspian nodded and took his place on Peter's other side. His lips quirked up in a half smile. He expected Peter to be slightly weary of him since the incident but things had been so much better between them since their talk in the middle of the night. His smile widened and his heart started beating very fast at the memory of the moment Peter gave him permission to marry his sister. Caspian had been spending quite a bit of time with Edmund and Peter lately ever since Edmund informed him that in their world it was customary for a man to give the woman he loves a ring when asking her to marry him. As a sort of bribe, they had said.

Seeing as Peter really tried not to think about Susan getting married, (even if it was to Mr. Perfect) most of his time setting about getting a ring was spent with Edmund. The youngest king quite vividly remembered a day in the park where Susan had talked quite vehemently about how much she loved her mother's wedding ring and hoped someday to wear it on her own finger. It had been Caspian's idea to first go to Trumpkin, considering his skill with this sort of thing being a dwarf, and have Edmund recall as clearly as he could the design of his mother's ring for Trumpkin to recreate. Trumpkin had teased the young Telmarine for quite some time about being such a pansy but secretly he was thouroughly flattered and touched that the two kings had come to him with something so personal and sentimental for the young queen. He quite cared for the the oldest queen and had missed her very much though he would never admit it out loud.

Breakfast passed peacefully, except for the occasional airborne bit of toast or muffin that flew across the table at Edmund's face after a particularly rude remark. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Hours later at about midday the five royals were outside on the farthest corner of the garden, enjoying the beautiful day. This was their absolute favorite part of the castle. It remained completely unchanged from the Golden Age which is perhaphs the reason the four Pevensie's were so attached to it. The gray stone wall was crumbling and fallen, ivy and roses climbing up the wall and spiraling across the stone. The remains of a once beautiful now rose covered wishing well stood proudly in the corner, 'aging gracefully' as Lucy liked to put it. The old stone bench was still standing to their amazement although grass and ivy was beginning to crawl up the sides and curl around the arm of the chairs. This one little corner held so many memories; Susan's very first secret kiss (silly Peter was still under the impression that Caspian was the only man she had ever kissed), a day spent with the beavers, several picnics and squabbles. It was their very last piece of the true Golden Age that they had been apart of. The Golden Age where they had been adults and lived and loved and ruled.

And so sat the five royals around the rose bushes and wishing well in the heat of the day, simply enjoying each others company. Caspian smiled to himself as he cracked his eyes open and looked around at his hopefully soon to be family. Lucy was sitting a few feet away from the rest of the family, absently weaving a daisy chain for Peter. Caspian himself was sharing the bench with Peter who was sitting sideways on the bench with his back leaned lazily against the arm rest and his bent legs pressing against the side of Caspian's thighs. Susan was perched comfortably on the grass in front of the bench, her back rested gently against Caspian's shins, her head resting on his knees. Edmund, who was hit with an uncharacteristic wave of love for his older sister was sprawled lazily on the grass with his head on Susan lap, thoroughly enjoying the softness of her skirts and loving the way she stroked his dark hair.

Usually Edmund tended to shy from any physical contact but Susan was different. She had this certain air about her that just sent him craving her touch. She was so sweet and comforting and motherly and they had been through so much together. She listened to all his problems no matter how dumb they were, always was there to talk and never went away. He didn't tell her nearly enough, probably only twice or three times in his whole life, but he loved her so very much. He loved all of his family so very much. Those four marvelous, wonderful, funny, random, crazy people were his whole life. He really needed to tell them more often how much they meant to him...

Edmund sighed happily and snuggled his head into the soft skirts of her dress, causing her blue eyes to sparkle and dance. "My my Edmund, someone is feeling awful lovey dovey today," she said with a teasing smile. He gently swatted at her cheek with a lazy hand. "Oh shut up. This dress is so soft...'' he said lazily closing his eyes and eyebody laughed. Peter leaned over as far as the bench would allow and ruffled his brothers hair. "Don't enjoy it too much Ed. She is our sister..." Peter said and Edmund smacked him upside the head and Susan blushed, causing everyone to giggle and laugh.

Caspian idly played with Susan's soft hair, braiding and twirling and twisting it into silly shapes. Peter snorted. "Man Cas, Narnia sure loves a king that can braid," he said with a low whistle and Susan smacked his knee. ''Be nice. At least he didn't cut off almost eight inches of my hair when I was asleep!" she said mutinously and Lucy and Edmund burst out laughing til tears rolled down their cheeks while Caspian smiled questioningly. Peter huffed and stood up indignantly. "I was drunk! I didn't mean to cut _that _much off! I was still mad at you for eating the last fruit tartlet!" he explained indignantly and Caspian joined in their hysterical laughter.

"Oh dear Peter, even when you are not drunk you really don't think before you do anything do you?"Lucy said from her spot rolling on the floor laughing.

"I was considering cutting a few inches off anyway but you could have at least cut it in a straight line!" Susan said with fake fury. Peter's eyes widened. "I was drunk! I couldn't even walk straight let alone cut in a straight line! You'll lucky I didn't cut your head off!" he said indignantly and Susan burst out laughing and nudged Edmund so she could stand up with slight help from Caspian. She pinched Peter's cheek mockingly. "It's all right Pete, I know you don't think things through, even when you are not intoxicated,'' she said gently and Peter stuck his tongue out at her, mumbling under his breath. The five rulers grudginly stood up and stretched, the sun making them sleepy.

Mindlessly, Caspian reached into his jacket pocket for the sixtieth time that day and rolled his fingers over a small velvet box containing the ring he hoped to give Susan tonight. His heart pounded and thumped at the mere thought of it. He was so wonderfully excited by the delightful thought of finally asking Susan to marry him after so many nights. He had newanted so badly to ask her weeks ago but of course he was no fool and proposing too soon after the incident could ruin everything. He was most anxious about her not being ready even though he knew that she loved him and trusted him and did not fear him in any way. He felt like a little boy on Christmas morning he was so anxious and excited and absolutely could not wait for the perfect moment.

The smooth feeling of the velvet box beneath his fingertips sent a wave of overwhelming excitement coursing through his veins. His whole entire body prickled with excitement and anticipation. The thought of spending the rest of his life with Susan was so wonderful his brain could not even comprehend it. But the thought of that perfect moment made his legs turn into jelly. He wanted it to be so perfect and each moment waiting was so agonizing. He was just existing every moment she wasn't with him. She trully put the color inside of his world and he wanted every _second_ of his life to be spent by her side.

"Caspian? Darling? Caspian dear?" Susan sweet voice wonderfully close to his ear brought him back to reality and he smiled. "What's that you are so interested in love? You have been fiddling with it all morning,''she said and started to reach into his pocket. He started to panic. This could totally ruin everything if she saw the ring.

Peter, seeing Caspian's panic walked up behind Susan and gently threw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried her over to the grass, both of them laughing and screaming. Very gently as not to hurt her (she was still quite fragile and sore) he put her down quickly on the grass and carefully sat on her stomach and began to tickle her mercilessly, grinning like a fool. Totally shocked, Susan started laughing hysterically, louder and longer than Caspian had ever heard anyone laugh. Tears were pouring down her red face and she was laughing so hard no sound was coming out. She was gasping and spluttering and choking on her laughter. The Gentl Queen squirmed and thrashed and giggled and batted at Peter but he only continued to tickle his baby sister mercilessly.

Edmund and Lucy started laughing along with Peter and hopped up from their spots in the grass and joined Peter in tickling Susan. Caspian himself was laughing so hard (mostly with relief) that he himself was finding breathing quite difficult. He hadn't heard her laugh for so long and the wonderful sound was music to his ears. Poor Susan was out numbered three to one and they certainly were not planning on stopping the tickle fight anytime soon. Perhaphs he should help her...Nah.

His only thought in that perfect moment that if this was what forever would be like, he wanted it to start right now.

* * *

><p>Caspian paced furiously in the family room of the Cair, his stomach churning and his head reeling. Edmund groaned. "Would you knock it off? She is going to say yes. Especially after she sees a replica of Mum's wedding ring. Now stop pacing you're making me sick!" he moaned. Lucy clapped her hands and squealed. "Oh the ring! I completely forgot about the ring! Let me see it!" she said excitedly and Caspian absently pulled the ring out of his pocket and handed it to the delighted queen. She opened the box and squealed, tears brimming her shining eyes.<p>

"Oh Caspian it's beautiful! Oh it's just like Mum's. She is going to cry!" she said excitedly and Caspians face paled, causing the two kings to snicker.

"You really think she is going to cry?" he said in a small voice, looking terrified.

Lucy's eyes widened and she patted Caspian's arm reasurringly. "Oh no no no not like that! Happy cry! Happy cry! It is very beautiful and she is going to absolutely love it." she hugged Caspian around the waist.

"She is going to say yes. She loves you very, very much. Goodness she would say yes if you proposed in a trailer park!"

Caspian's brow furrowed and he frowned. "What's a trailer park?"

Peter snorted but then patted Caspian's shoulder a tad ruefully and pulled him in for a hug."She's going to say yes. Now go,"

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><p>Caspian's heart was beating so fast it just sounded like one continuous hum as he walked through the palace hallways numbly. Why would she say yes to him? He was nothing special. And she was perfect. Why on earth would she want him? There were a million guys out there just like him and yet he felt bold enough to ask her to marry <em>him.<em> Him out of ten million people. What was so special about him compared to her?

"Could I help ya with som'thin boy? Ya look awful lost," a grumpy voice called dauntingly from down the hall and Caspian immediately recognized Trumpkin. He smiled shakily. "Have you seen Susan? I am going to ask her but I don't where she is," he said anxiously looking around as if Susan was just going to jump out of no where and Trumpkin laughed tauntingly.

"Yer finally gonna ask 'er eh? Whatever ya do don't give her a whole big emotional speech like a ruddy pansy. Just sit her down and give 'er the ring." he said gruffly and Caspian raised an eyebrow at him. "It's a good thing you're pretty Trumpkin."

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><p>"There you are love, I have been looking all over you" Caspian said nervously in an extremely relieved tone, stooping down and gently brushing his lips against Susan's, pouring out his love to her.<p>

She had never looked so beautiful to him in his whole life. She was sitting in the garden, on the grass near the same bench she had been sitting (crying, actually) on when they had had their first kiss since their latest return. They both smiled ridiculously at the memory. That moment was so perfect. The sun was just setting and the soft wind was blowing her hair across her face, her eyes lost in memories. He plucked a white rose, as they were her favorite, of a nearby bush and gently drooped into her lap silently, his eyes shining with his love for her.

She smiled up at him and brushed a strand of stray hair from his beautiful, beautiful eyes. He slid down behind her on the soft grass, settling himself behind her and arranging her so she was settled between his bent legs. Susan sighed happily and closed her eyes, drinking in his scent as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, pulling her as close as he possibly could so her head rested on his chest. The closeness made his heart tingle and spin, although he was close to trembling with nerves. He loved her so...

He kissed her bare shoulder softly and nestled his face in her hair. She laughed and twisted to kiss his forehead. "You are the strongest person I have ever met." he said, his voice dripping with affection. She furrowed her brow playfully. "Oh? And why is that darling?" she said with playful curiousity. He sighed.

"After all you have been through in the last few weeks," he traced a fading bruise on her neck and she shivered, ''and yet you still find it within yourself to let me hold you like this. You have been hurt so deeply by a man and yet you still open your heart to love," he said in a tone of utter admiration. He didn't need to look at her to see she was close to tears. "Why?" he said in a quiet whisper and she sighed thoughtfully and paused.

"Because I know that you're different. I know that you would never force me into doing something like that," she trembled violently and a tear slid down her cheek. Caspian snuggled up to her and whiped it away with his thumb, waiting patiently for her to contine.

"Because I love you. And I know that you love me. And when life gives you something so beyond anything you ever dreamed of, it is not reasonable to shy from it because of something horrible beyond anything you could ever imagine," she said in a very small voice and Caspian felt his heart twist and turn.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, smothering her in his strong arms and inhaling her sweet smell. "I think that is the wisest thing I have ever heard." he whispered into her hair and she relaxed in his arms just a bit.

Caspian felt the corner of the small velvet box in his jacket pocket poke him and his heart started thumping and his palms started sweating profusely. He couldn't even contain his excitement. "Susan you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Before, I had nothing. But you have given me everything. A family, love, a _life. _When I am around you, everything is sharp and bright and vived and colorful and beautiful. Everything is dull and unfocused and without you near me and I am just existing until I can see you again. I love you, so so much. My life is nothing without you," he pulled the box out of his pocket with a shaking hand.

"Susan I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise to love you forever. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to raise my children with you. I want to grow old with you by my side. I want to spend every second of forever with you. But there is one thing I want you to do for me," he whispered shakily;he couldn't _stand_ this anticipation.

Susan's heart had started to beat very quickly and world was beginning to spin. She felt as if Caspian's arms were not wrapped oh so wonderfully around her shw would melt or float away. Was he...? No, it-it couldn't be..?

"Oh. And what's that?" she whispered although she was pretty sure she knew the answer. Trying desperately to keep a steady hand, he held the tiny velvet box out in front of her and flipped the tiny lid open, revealing a shiny gold band with a large diamond in the middle of a small row of very tiny, delicate diamonds.

"Marry me."

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><p><strong>Ow my god. It is actually over. I can't believe it. Sorry for the slight cliffy but i really couldn't imagine it ending it any other way. I promise I will make up for it in the sequel. This chapter was hopelessly fluffy but i hope it was not a disappointing ending. Thank you so very much to all of you who reviewed. I love you all. Unitl Chapter One. <strong>


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